[UKbarristerchick]

Hiya, I'm in London and new to 3FC and generally just been reading the posts which I find hugely encouraging and contain so many helpful tips. I will also be posting in the UK FatChicks thread, but thought for now I would introduce myself. I am new to forums, but after reading all the various posts and blogs on 3FC have come to understand it can be quite positive and cathartic to share with others who are going through the same struggle. That’s a real revelation to me.

MY STORY…
I think my big issue is the nutrition side of things, like most people, I have an idea what I should be eating, how much and how often, but not able to stick with it for a prolonged period either because I get fed up or life gets in the way and I use tons of excuses. I lost quite a bit of weight between 2005 and 2006, but because I had such a big issue with using a scale (I didn't want to face how much I actually weighed), I don't quite know how small I got, but I started at 101kgs and ended up somewhere around 85kgs. The reason I stopped and started to gain the weight was because I realised that my main impetus for the weight loss was a MAN. Couldn’t believe it because I am supposedly intelligent and know better…but, basically, he was my first love who met me when I was quite young and slim – I didn’t have any weight issues as a child or teenager. Over the 4 yrs we went out (from about aged 18 – 22) I gradually went from around 135 to 155/160lbs, and of course he commented. It wasn’t favourable. Although my weight gain wasn’t the reason, we split eventually split up but remained in touch off and on over the years (he is based in Florida and I am now in London) We got back in touch about 3 ½ yrs ago and although I really wanted to start losing weight (I was around 220lbs or so by then) I wanted to prove to myself (but mostly him) how much weight I lost and that I could be that slim sexy gal from way back then. The big reunion in July 2006 was a big FLOP. We had both built up such unreasonable expectations, thought we were gonna get married, he would move to London, have kids and live happily ever after. Although I had indeed lost somewhere around 40lbs and the results of my weight loss were clearly visible, it wasn’t enough for him. He told me that although I was very pretty, I could still lose more weight. My response: I worked out constantly for 3 weeks (every day except weekends) surviving on HydroxyCut Hardcore, jerk chicken and salads. I thought “I would show him”. Yes, I did lose another 10lbs or so, but eventually returned to London understanding why my thinking was wrong on so many levels. And that he was SO wrong for me. To cut a long story short, I started to gradually put the weight back on (I was still exercising but nowhere near as intensely), and eat the foods I had worked so hard to eliminate or cut back on.

[UKbarristerchick]

PART 2

THINGS I LEARNED…
By early to mid 2008, I was right back where I was in 2005. After enjoying over a year of compliments on how much weight I had lost, I got lazy, complacent and ultimately miserable. I must say though, I did pick up some good habits from my initial weight loss journey from back in 2005/2006:
1. I cut waaaaay back on sugar, fruit juices, white wine etc
2. Cut back on simple carbohydrates (White bread, white pasta etc)
3. Learned to ‘enjoy’ running
4. I CAN work out regularly – there are relatively few reasons for NOT working out which are actually valid (too busy, too tired, bad day, no time)

CHALLENGES…
Obviously, however, all the things I learned DIDN’T stick , which is one of the reasons I’m back to where I started. I have a few specific challenges/issues which some of you may or may not share:
1. I have a ‘treat’ mentality – if I have a good day food wise, I believe I should be ‘entitled’ to treat myself. I know this is OK from time to time, but for me this became too frequent! FoI need to learn how to eat a meal and be satisfied.
2. Eating/snacking in front of the television after work – I once tried eating at my dining table with the TV off and it actually does work – I just need to do this more often
3. Binging – I live on my own so I don’t have any real ‘accountability’ to anyone but myself
4. LOVE good food (I guess we all do ); good wines and cheeses, ‘proper’ Caribbean food (rice and peas, jerk chicken, hardough bread etc)
5. I HATE weighing myself or knowing how heavy I really am, and really get discouraged when I have weeks where there is NO or very little weight loss. It is also for this reason I HATE going to my GP. Therefore, even when I was losing weight back in 2005/2006, I asked my PT not to tell me my actual weight, but just tell me how much I was losing by. I do know all the reasons why we shouldn’t weigh ourselves too often, and I concur, but I was/am simply in denial. One thing I have noticed with all the members of 3FC is that people display their weights. I know it can’t be easy, but it is one of the best ways (I have come to understand) to chart progress. Therefore, if I do have a bad week because perhaps I know I’ve gone slightly off course, I can be accountable for that and make changes where necessary/appropriate.
6. I am an emotional eater. Seriously. I used to hear/read about people saying this but didn’t realise I was exactly the same. For example, I was really pissed off after my fitness camp last night because the instructor just kept shouting at me (so it seemed) and didn’t seem to recognise when I am working hard. Plus, I have had a cold this week and dragged myself there even though I was coughing quite a lot. I know I just need to suck it up and get over myself because I need to lose the weight; not him, but it made me cross so for the first time in about 4 months I ordered a pizza, dough balls, toffee/apple cake and diet pepsi. I instantly regretted it the minute the delivery man came to my door (no doubt assuming he was delivering for a group of people – it was a LARGE pizza) but ate some of the food anyway. Well, half way through I realised it didn’t taste that good anyway and stopped because I was full. I only had about 4 slices. I threw away the rest of the food but kept the diet pepsi and ate some of the toffee cake. Destructive behaviour really. And I was disgusted with myself but pleased I had the good sense to ditch the rest of the food. All because I was feeling a little sorry for myself.
7. Discipline/motivation. Once I really start to see results, I have tendency to become slightly complacent...

[UKbarristerchick]

WHERE I AM NOW & CHANGES I HAVE MADE…

So…in December 2008, I said ENOUGH. I need to do better and really get this under control once and for all. I was disgusted with myself. I had tried running off and on during the year but never kept it up more than a couple weeks or so (but at least it was good to know I was still capable of running ). I thought I would start by tackling one of my first ‘issues’: weighing myself to understand where I was starting from and to at least have a way of charting my progress. I was shocked. I was heavy as I was when I started in 2005: 102.3kgs [225lbs]. Wow. That hurt. But it wasn’t nearly as traumatic as I thought it would be. I decided to make the following changes and/or try these new things:
1. I now get off the bus about 4 stops earlier and walk to the office. I LOVE my high heels (being fat means I hate clothes shopping but LOVE buying shoes – for me this was one of the few aspects of my femininity I could really control and fought to retain…so donning sneakers with my work suit was tough, but I got over it )
2. I joined a gym close to the office and started going approx 2- 3 times per week
3. Also joined a ‘fitness boot camp’ at my local park. We meet 3 x per week (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and it is generally ****, but hopefully will give me an added boost. I started on Friday 23 January and we have so far completed 7 of 12 sessions.

4. Running 5k on Saturday or Sundays [although I have halted this whilst boot camp is ongoing]

5. I use scales at home to measure food quantities

6. Starting a food journal next week. This will be tough because I am real culprit of using the 'too busy' excuse!

7. I started a one week meal plan yesterday. Took me about 3hrs to plan! But, one of my challenges is that I often get home from work FAMISHED and tend to pick on whatever’s in the fridge cupboard BEFORE I actually eat my dinner. So, although I generally eat quite well…I have been reading that most successful ‘losers’ plan their meals to some degree. I am feeling quite positive about doing that, and will be heading to the supermarket between today and tomorrow to do the shopping for this. If I can work out how to upload my meal plan, I will share with everyone. Any comments/suggestions would be gratefully received although please bear in mind I am based in the UK so won’t be able to get some of the excellent food products you have available in the US!

8. Ordered the BodyBugg from Ebay – am really excited about this piece of kit, and although I am a self confessed ‘gadget gal’, from all that I have read about it and other people's experiences, it is possibly the one thing I need to assist me in being accountable for each thing I put into my mouth. This is also why I am starting the food journal because I realise the BB doesn’t work nearly as well as it should unless you are honest about what you have eaten. That is a huge new step for me, but one I believe I really need to take on board.

So…sorry for the extra long post, but it has been really good for me to share all of this with you and be really honest about my struggle with losing weight. Perhaps some of you will recognise similar habits or challenges. I next weigh in on Monday 9 February and I am actually very anxious for the reasons I have mentioned above. I am nervous that I have not done enough and occasional bad days (for example I binged on pizza and diet pizza last night – see above under ‘challenges’ heading).

I will be in touch to let everyone know how I’ve done. When I last weighed myself on 5 January 2009 (one week after my initial weigh in), I was down 2 lbs or so – just under 223lbs. I have been working out 2 – 3 x per week since then and eating sensibly; but with no real gauge as to calories eaten (because I am not journaling/logging what I eat) – although in the W/C 19 January and 26 January my calories were quite low.
Thanks again for reading. I look forward to sharing my journey with all of you.

[UKbarristerchick]

I hope this works...here is my first ever meal plan! Took me over three hours to organise it - will let everyone know how I get on...

[midwife]

Welcome!! I'm so glad you're here!! Thanks for sharing your story with us. I think you have a great plan. Two things really stood out for me!

1) The night you ordered pizza, toffee cake, etc., you found a way to stop when you were full. That is so great! And you are already finding ways to keep moving forward. I love this so much because I see so many of us stumble, but it seems the ones who are successful get up, dust off and get back on track. You have that skill!!

2) I understand about coming home famished!! That was a very risky time for me and it still is. I have solved it by eating a protein and a fruit either before leaving work or on the way home. A hardboiled egg and an apple take the edge off and have saved me probably thousands of bingy calories over the years.

Best of luck to you!!

[UKbarristerchick]

Hello midwife!

Thanks so much for the support, and especially for your really helpful tips about the protein snacks! I am SO SO vulnerable nutrition wise in the evenings after work. I am definitely going to do exactly what you suggested, and pack an apple or hardboiled egg with me so that I can much on it on the way home - as you rightly say, taking the edge off is SO important!

As for dusting myself off, I suppose I never really saw it that way, I am so used to beating up on myself that I didn't realise what you said until you said it. You are right, I did stop and promptly threw the rest of the food away - don't know where I found the will power but I really was full and realised it was't as tasty as I thought. I hope to do this when/if I have an emotionally vulnerable moment. We all have them, and I suppose it's important to know how to deal with it.

Take care, x