[saef]

I've been lurking here for nearly a year now while working on losing weight & improving my health.

I owe this board a lot of thanks. Whenever I got discouraged with the process or felt lonely, as I were the only one out there struggling with myself, or whenever I was proud of myself for making sure I exercised despite adversity (snow, an overly scheduled day), I'd get on these boards & read the posts. I already feel like I "know" some of the members -- but it's been a one-way relationship, like with actors in a TV show. So I feel like I need to get in there finally & participate, rather than watching. I need to offer something back.

Like many here, I've lost weight before -- when I was 30, I dropped nearly 90 pounds. I started out healthily but became obsessive about it & developed anorexia. I vaguely sensed something wasn't right, and I tried to respond to my friends & family's concerns by eating normally. But when I did, I seemed to have no concept of moderation. I lost control & became a bulimic binge eater. I tried vomiting, but it grossed me out, so I began was over-exercising for two or three hours a day. I remember going on a trip with a friend. (Which was fraught for me, because I feared I'd have to go without exercising.) We were in Chicago, shopping that afternoon, on a street corner, waiting for a light to change. I was so fearful of being still & not getting enough exercise that I was marching in place, moving my legs. My friend looked at me in a kind of amazement & fear & said, "Can you stop that please?" That's when I realized how crazy I'd become.

Anyway, through therapy, and by making a better life for myself, I overcame the binging. But I stopped exercising & put all the weight back on, plus more.

Now, over 10 years later, scared by a diagnosis of pre-diabetes, I've again lost 100-plus pounds. I did it slowly & sanely, over more than 18 months. I have just a few more pounds to lose to hit a healthy BMI on the charts. But I'm trying to monitor myself carefully -- my mental state, I mean. I do NOT want to become obsessive again. I want to make exercising & eating healthily as sane an act as brushing my teeth or showering. The way I see it, there's a difference between washing one's hands a few times a day to avoid germs & the compulsive hand-washing that makes them chapped & raw. I want to stay on the SANE side of the line this time.

(I didn't mean to write so much but I think looking back to our personal history is VERY important in our weight loss journey, and mine is fraught enough that I had to keep it in mind & watch myself to make sure I get it right this time.)

[KandieApples]

I am new here and I just want to commend you for all you fights and struggles that you had. Along with a few people you have really inspired me to keep it going on. I wish you continued success and many blessings.

[saef]

Thanks, Kandie. We have to keep on fighting the good fight, don't we? It's for our health. That's what's helped me most -- to remind myself it's about health, not about hotness. For me, personally, that makes it more attainable & keeps me acting more kindly toward myself.

(Not to say that healthy isn't hot, though. ;-)

[KandieApples]

Originally Posted by saef

Thanks, Kandie. We have to keep on fighting the good fight, don't we? It's for our health. That's what's helped me most -- to remind myself it's about health, not about hotness. For me, personally, that makes it more attainable & keeps me acting more kindly toward myself.

(Not to say that healthy isn't hot, though. ;-)

Please keep me posted. I would loved to know when you hit your goal. You've come along way....!

[Cantrip]

Wow, what a battle. I'm very impressed, both by the difficulties you've overcome and by your determination to try again in a healthy manner. You've come so far. I wish you nothing but success.

[JulieJ08]

You've come a long way in more than one way! I have a hard enough time - I'm so impressed by anyone who deals with eating disorders and becomes healthier. It's inspirational for sure.

[saef]

Thanks. It is ongoing work. I've had two different therapists & I've had some extremely patient & kind friends who have acted as a reality check at various times. But what helps the most is sort of hitting the "pause" button sometimes & asking myself, "Okay, is this extreme, or is this what your average person with a weight problem would do?"

In other words, it's what would your average 3FC member do? (WWA3FCD?)

[Heffalump]

Welcome, saef, and thanks for relating your story! When I first saw your stats, I thought - what, she's joining now, after losing all the weight?

But of course it makes all kinds of sense. Most people that regain do not have a concept of maintenance - and especially not the concept that they need as much (or more) support for that. (That's why I love this forum with its many maintainers so much and spend a lot of time reading in that section although I still have some way to go.)

So kudos to you for making this smart move! I look forward to reading more from you!

[saef]

That's exactly it, Heffalump. I do not want to regain. I really want to get it right this time. There really is a sane way to live one's life & that's what I think maintenance is about. It's not just math (calories in, calories out) but also having your head in the game. And as I said, what's really helped me is reminding myself that it's about my health, and thus it's got to be an ongoing concern. And, too, I want to give back to the community, rather than having it all be one way.

[Biggirlnomore55]

im new also...hello everyone..honestly i know im pretty young but im 235 so i like to join sites like this to keep me motivated how do you get those weight counters on the bottom of your posts?

[midwife]

Biggirlnomore, once you have been here for 20 days and have 20 posts you will be able to add a tracker. Welcome to 3FC!

Saef, come see us in maintainers! I'm glad you're delurking!