
Physlet!
It's so tough to gain weight and not to feel like yourself. I can really relate to your situation. I was in the same boat just in the middle of March. I hit rock bottom when I went to SouthBeach, FL w/ my hubby and kids for Spring Break. It was the worst feeling, but when I came back, I realized I needed to finally stop wanting to lose weight, but to actually do it! I started counting calories (which I know sounds tough, but it's actually incredibly easy for me now that I'm used to it) and working out a lot (6 days a week or so). I started small, but I kept on increasing it and always pushing myself.

Anyway, I started losing weight and although it went fast, it didn't feel fast. For me, it couldn't come fast enough, but I've learned to stop pressuring myself in the midst of such a tough fight. During the time I was at my heaviest, I was embarassed to be seen...especially at my gym (I had gained weight very quickly due to chronic daily migraines). But, I swallowed my pride and just went. I figured: who cares what they all think? In no time, I'll be smokin' hot and they'll want to know how I did it! Yes, it felt horrible to walk in the gym or to go to a party and not to eat what I want and to sacrifice, all the while nobody knows you're doing something amazing. But, I just kept rewarding myself and after a few months, they started to notice. Now, people ARE asking me how I did it (even though I'm still doing it). I try to keep my routine very challening and I try to switch it up whenever I can so that my body doesn't get used to it.
The point I'm trying to make w/ my long story is: forget what others think. Do it for you and then, you'll do it once and for all. If you fall off, jump right back on. You're human! You are also not defined by your size and if anyone doesn't get that, then they're not worth your time.
I wish you lots of luck and I highly recommend you read old posts in areas of interest. YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!