Hey there! Don't worry, you've come to the right place - and bloody well done you for recognizing and admitting that you have a problem!
In order to tackle this, you're going to have to figure out WHY you're doing this. You're not crazy, you're not just being greedy - this is a pattern of behaviour that you've adopted FOR A REASON. I'm going to say it's mostly a psychological thing rather than a physical thing because of the way that you're doing this eating - if it was a case of getting food cravings or whatever, then maybe I'd suggest it was a metabolic thing, but it sounds like that's only part of the story.
What does food mean to you? And your weight? You're going to need to untangle your feelings here, to figure out cause and effect - sometimes we sabotage ourselves because, ironically enough, the layer of fat is performing a FUNCTION for us - maybe we don't really want to be noticed/be sexual; maybe we feel the bulk gives us more substance and makes us feel stronger; maybe we're punishing ourselves for something, maybe we're trying to be more like someone we love; maybe we're afraid of losing the weight because the fat is such a handy hook to hang the blame for other things, and the prospect of losing the fat (and the excuse) is daunting and makes us feel vulnerable...there are loads of reasons that people can actually undermine their weightloss attempts.
If you've not read 'Fat Is A Feminist Issue' I'd recommend it - rather dated, but it does make you think about weight issues from a different angle, and that can be empowering.
Ask yourself why you're compelled to hide your eating from other people - and don't settle for easy answers. Really try to get to the crux of it. Is it the secretiveness itself that's the thrill, rather than the food - the fact that you're giving yourself some comfort/indulgence/pleasure that you don't feel you deserve? If it IS really about the food, then how are you feeling the rest of the day? Are you hungry during the daytime and just enduring it because you know that you'll be able to indulge at night? Or are you snacking a lot during the day too?
You can beat this, though. You absolutely have the power to take control of your eating, and to make different choices. What you need to do right now is figure out WHY you're making these choices right now, and then figure out what you need to change in order to no longer need this.
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closet addict
. . . glad you found us and really hope we can help . . . this is a great place for support and encouragement.
to the site and good for you for wanting to change your eating habits, I am not a closet eater, but I am a emotional eater, so I do understand having a bad relationship with food. This site will give you the
