I bought a scale.
I haven't had one in my home for several years. I didn't really need one. I go to the doctor for regular check ups or occaissionally when I am feeling more under the weather than I can handle. They always weigh you.
It is funny though, on my trip to "De Nile", I knew without a shadow of a doubt that their scales were off! Strangely enough, I would forget about it right after each visit and be amazingly astonished by the number on the next visit until I had again come to the conclusion that their scales were off. They needed to have that checked out.
It has been a few months since my last Dr.s visit, but I have been feeling horrible. I'm extremely tired. I don't want to do anything...anything at all. I have no appetite, nor can I sleep. I dont want to go anywhere.
I recently took a few days off just to rest. While I was off, I began wondering if I was in a mono relapse or if it could be depression. I have fibromyalgia and it can get the better of me at times, but I have not been this exhausted and uninterested in life in a long time. I thought about what had been irritating me and at what point I was giving up on things I normally love to do. Then it hit me.
It has been getting warmer and the couple of times I have pulled out something from last summer to wear I have had to put it back where I had it to start with. I had been growing increasingly uncomfortable in the clothes I wear to work everyday. I generally attribute it to bloat and dismiss it. I am extremely busy and I guess that it really hadn't fully registered that it could be due to actually gaining real weight.
I mentioned it to my husband and he carefully and tenderly explained that I had indeed put on some weight and that he had noticed that I have become increasingly inactive while I am at home with him. My defense has always been that I work on my feet and go, go, go so I shouldn't always do it when I am off. My "always" has evidentally become a "never" and I hadn't realized it.
I chewed on all of this for a few days. Then I bought a scale.
I have gained 20 lbs. in the last 6 months. I am at 200 lbs. This was an incredibly sobering number...it probably wouldn't have resonated quite so much, but my 37th birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I have been chewing on that quite a bit, as well.
I have struggled on and off with my weight since I was a teen. I have given half-assed attempts to lose weight by following more gimicks than I care to list. For the first week or so, I whole heartedly believed whatever some skinny guy thought would be the quick fix. Then after I would lose a few pounds, I would be done with it for another 6 months or until I felt the need to punish myself with the latest stiff's rediculous expectations of what my daily life should or should not include.
200 lbs. It has to go. I cannot keep allowing myself to do this. I have to get in control of my life.
I don't need to know what to eat. I have read and read and read about what to eat. I don't need to know how to exercise. I have read and read and read about exercise. I don't have any desire to work out with Jake or Denise Austin. Nor do I want to have dinner with Jenny Craig every day.
What I need is you. I need to know about real world struggles. I don't want pious advice from someone that doesn't know this struggle. I want to know about real women like me who have been extremely tempted in a weak moment and find out how they got through it without caving. I want to know how you have made real food work for you and your families in real world scenarios, without recipes to follow and flip charts deciding what's for dinner. I am not bitter about doing what I need to do. I know it is for me. I am bitter about being targeted as desperate to lose weight by the last best program and falling for it over and over.
I am going low carb-high protien. I am doing away with sugar and flour. Being a soda addict, this has been difficult, but it has been a week since I have had a Dr. Pepper. This is a major record for me. I am having a huge problem getting in my daily water requirement, but I am really trying. I haven't stepped on that scale again. I can't seem to make myself check to see if I have made progress.
I joined a local gym a couple of weeks ago and am meeting with my "personal trainer" on Wednesday. So far, I have only utilized the hot tub, sauna and tanning bed. I guess I am working my way in.
I will visit the site daily. My pattern is to do well for a couple of weeks and then suddenly forget that I was trying to lose weight and undo all of my progress by thinking because I fell off the wagon it is now to far down the trail to run and catch it. I think that getting into a habit of talking with friends about it is much better than keeping a habit of doing nothing.
I hope to hear from you.
|
. . . we are so glad to have you joining us. You'll find lots and lots of support and encouragement around here, Chickie, and as long as you keep posting and reading we'll never let you "forget" about us or your journey to better health and fitness. You can do it, girl . . . in fact we can all do it, together . . . 
