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Old 01-06-2008, 01:24 PM   #1  
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Unhappy Im looking for a new window of hope

I am going to try to make a long story short. I am over 335 lbs and i want to loose atleast 100 lbs. Im depressed because i am out of work, have no income coming in, I have 3 children and my husband decides to leave me on1/2/08 after 15 years because i am too fat for him and im not challenging enough in bed anymore, plus i embarrass him when we go out ( so to me that also means he is cheating on me and has been for a long time and who ever she is obviously she isn't fat). I feel like such a failure and a ugly, fat one at that. Please if you have anything to say or any tips that can help me loose this weight and stay motivated no matter what, please help me. Keep in mind i know nothing about excersise and im a big girl so i need something i can start off with and maintain. I need to start my journey in order to live better because right now everyday i wake up feeling like im a waist of life and my kid's and I deserve more. I just don't have the get up and go but i know i want this. HELP ME SOME KIND OF WAY PLEASE.
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Old 01-06-2008, 02:46 PM   #2  
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I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time, but I'm glad you found 3FC, its a good group. Personally, calorie counting gave me the flexibility to lose what I needed to lose, without "bad foods" or banning foods, which is difficult for me. Others find the structure from more restrictive diets really helps them stay on track. I would browse around hte forums here, see what looks interesting for you, and post there asking for help figuring out a specific plan. Also, please talk to your doctor as well! I'm a couch potato by nature myself, and for me just finding ways to fit exercise into my daily life is far more effective than forcing myself to go to the gym. I walk to and from school, about a mile each way, and try to use the stairs rather than the elevator whenever possible. Baby steps. You're absolutely right, you and your kids do deserve more, not because you're a bad person but because you're so upset with yourself. All the weight loss in the world isn't going to help if you're still unhappy with yourslef and your life. Getting healthy is a great first step, but it sounds like maybe you need to talk to someone as well, a friend, family member, or a professional. We're all behind you and wnat you to succeed, and I'm sure you will. It's a friendly bunch, if you see people who have been successful in situations like yours, very few people mind being Private Messaged (PMed) with questions. You also might want to think about joining one of the support threads that look out for each other specifically. Congratulations again on taking the first step!
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Old 01-06-2008, 02:55 PM   #3  
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I'm so sorry your husband left -- it doesn't feel like it now, but this is an opportunity to "re-invent" yourself. My husband of ten years has the same issues -- "I'm too fat, I get bigger every year, he's embarassed to be seen in public with me, etc." To be truthful, I have gained 100 pounds since we met. But remember, you are still the same person inside (just screaming to get out!!! ) -- those are all HIS problems, not yours. If you are not comfortable with your weight, you've come to a great place. It's when we try to lose to please other people that we just aren't ready yet. Personally, I'm tired of not fitting in chairs,clothes and doorways -- not being able to keep up with my kids and not feeling "comfortable in my own skin" -- so I know I'm ready to lose weight for ME!!!

To bring my long-winded post to an end -- you will make it through this, you will be a better person, mother, etc. There are so many wonderful people on here to bring you up when you are down, post often, read a lot and welcome!!!
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:02 PM   #4  
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Hi,
your situation is realy bad...for now.
First thing: visualisation...picture yourself in a realistic way but feeling really good inside. Feeling you are a good person and worth being loved.
Second: walking is free. Start with small goal so you won't give up.
start walking 5 minutes a day for one week (or 4-5 times, when possible).
Then increase your walking to 10 minutes / day.
Continue so and so.
Exercice not only help you to lose weight but will put you in a better state of mind, which help prevent depression.

You go girl.
I'm sincerly with you.
Rougebonbon
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Old 01-06-2008, 03:07 PM   #5  
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I'm so sorry that you have to go through this trial. You are not a failure, you're a success story waiting to happen. You're not a victim, you're a survivor. You have to be for those kiddo's!! I know what it feels like to go through the heartache of infidelity. If he did indeed cheat, he's the one that's broken, not you. You have an opportunity to re-prioritize things now, and I hope you are at the top of that list!! Take care of yourself, and things will fall into place. Good luck!!

Jenny )
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Old 03-11-2008, 07:31 AM   #6  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by winning the war View Post
You are not a failure, you're a success story waiting to happen. You're not a victim, you're a survivor.
Exactly! Please, whatever else you do, MAMALUCCI7, don't confuse your weight with your personal worth. Who you are as a person - the mom your kids love - has nothing to do with your weight.

I hope for your happiness that you're finding a weight loss system that's working for you, and that you manage to get to your goal weight - but while you're on the journey, just remember that you have always been worthy of love and respect.

However, the person who can't see past your weight isn't worthy of your respect. Don't grant him control over your self-esteem; he doesn't deserve that kind of power.
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Old 03-11-2008, 08:43 AM   #7  
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Hiya Mama &

There are couple of very active groups that you should check out. You are NOT alone. There is the 300+ club & the 100 lb club. (Hey, check my stats... I'm a poster in both!)

First things first... YOU ARE NOT YOUR WEIGHT. The second we judge ourselves by the numbers on the scale we give permission to every person we meet to do the same. You are a loving, caring, normal human being. With the same faults and needs and giving nature as everyone else. It might take you awhile to actually believe this... but you have to start now. Feeling worthy... feeling as though you deserve respect and love (which you do!) will take time. I'm very sorry that someone so close to you chose to judge you falsely. I wish I could wipe away that sort of betrayal & pain. Let me tell you that there is no better revenge, no better motivation, than living well and loving yourself for who you are.

Secondly, this is also for your mental health, have you thought about talking to someone professionally? You've been deeply hurt, and you will need to move on, but it's okay to want to talk about it. It's okay to need some help in order to move past it.

Now to the meat & potatoes of the weight loss. It's logically simple... in action, not so much. Eat less, exercise more. Now before you write this off, there are different methods of going about doing this.

Under Diet Central is a long list of different eating methods that people follow in order to control their food intake & portions. You may want to start with simple Calorie Counting. It's easy... it's cheap... and it'll give you a GOOD idea of what you're eating right this second even if you choose a different method for the long-haul. For just one day, write down how many calories you're eating. Pay attention to how many servings you're taking. No judging, no changing... just for a day. That's it That's step one: Pay attention.

Once you've done that, I suggest the step-by-step approach. One small thing at a time. One permanent change at a time that will bring you closer to your goal & make you feel better. How about drinking water? Or getting enough fruits & vegetables? Or even taking a very short walk? Only one... then add on when you feel you've got a handle on the first change.

You'll find an eating method that works for you. There's plenty that you can do for exercise, but don't think that you have to dive into that right away... so this is more for a little later on. Short walks around the neighborhood. Maybe you have a treadmill? Or portions of an exercise video if you'd rather not go outside. There are plenty of beginners exercise videos.

You CAN do this. You are WORTH it. This is going to take more than just motivation, which is fleeting & unreliable. This is going to take determination, and commitment. We don't lie about these things here, it will get hard, but you will get through. We're all here for you. To listen to your problems, to help celebrate your triumphs (no matter how large or small for both ).

One step at a time, one pound at a time, we're getting healthier and getting closer to our goals.

Please, stay, look around. Keep posting and let us know if we can help.

Best of success!

Last edited by Lovely; 03-11-2008 at 08:44 AM. Reason: Spellin'
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Old 03-11-2008, 10:28 AM   #8  
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Old 03-11-2008, 10:45 AM   #9  
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Welcome! I totally agree with others here. You deserve better. Your a beautiful person and no one can take that from you!!! I believe baby steps are a good way to start. Maybe you can cut out a certain food you eat/drink say soda or certain candy. I also like to cut my weight loss into 10 lbs marks some use 5lbs. The thing you need to do is figure out what will work for YOU as far as workouts and eating. I follow a Weight Watchers. I've have software that I use for it. Check out the tread on it or any other plan you want to help you get you started to eathing healthy. These treads are amazing with info and help from people that are using them. Also just because one doesn't work for you don't give up. It's a learning process and we find a bit of this and dash of that will work for us. Now fitness is something I struggle with and I'm baby stepping it. I'm walking in my home with a video called Walk Away The Pounds. They are easy on my bad knees and I like them. When I started my fitness I used the radio and just danced for 10 minutes sometimes I do 3 sessions of 10 minutes though out the day. The point is it doesn't matter how you move you did it. It makes one feel good mentally and phyically. If you'd like to chat you can pm me. I'm so sorry your going though this ruff time. I look forward to helping you with your new lifestyle.
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