Ugh...I have a friend who is driving me crazy!!! She was over 210 at her heaviest and really got into working out...personal trainer, boot camps, etc. I completely admire her for that. With that she is at 169 and looks great except for her tummy. BUT...she eats like CRAP!!!!
Moving along...when I first started IP it was labor day weekend. She came over and went on and on about how she couldn't do this and how much food she had eaten. Then along the way, she has given me a couple of compliments, but it is always with the, "I don't know how you can deprive yourself". I told her that it is working great for me...and I honestly don't feel deprived. Tonight she said something about paying me back for something by getting me produce...I mentioned only veggies, please. She then went on and on about how I am not eating a balanced diet and what is going to happen when I hit my goal and am able to have a balanced diet? Am I just going to gain it all back. And what kind of HEALTHY diet doesn't allow fruit. And on and on and on. UGH!!!
I love her to death but it really hurts my feelings when she says those things...
Okay, venting over. I hope everyone has had an amazing OP weekend!!!
I think she is actually envious. But I know it hurts. Why can`t people just say `good for you`and leave it at that.
One thing my mother does is when I say I've lost such+such amount. She tells me how she wants to gain weight. It drives my sister and I crazy. Once I even told her that is kind of hurtful to say...she said it's just as hard for her as it is for me. I don`t think so!! I think people just don`t think about how insensitive they sound.
Maybe it's different for men then women but it seems to me like to need to let your friend know how you feel. Could be she's just trying to help and she might not know that it bothers you.
Last edited by tykesplace; 10-16-2011 at 10:27 PM.
Truthfully with people like this you really just have to let it go. Tell them you don't want to hear about it or need to defend your way of eating. I know it's not easy, but otherwise they will drive you crazy.
That's when I usually say ...."is there any diet on the planet that allows you to lose weight and then go back to eating like crap and NOT gain the weight back?" With any diet, if your eating habits don't change after you've reached goal and you go back to putting away an entire pack of oreos a night...of course you gain the weight back. I think people really don't think before they open their mouths.
Ugh...I have a friend who is driving me crazy!!
I love her to death but it really hurts my feelings when she says those things...
There are all kinds of bullies in this world and they are not limited to people we don't like. She's bullying you, pure and simple, and I don't think you should let her get away with it. It's destructive and mean-spirited; and it diminishes both of you. Please stand up to her. You have the tools to do it. Herding Cats said it in a nutshell.
I was with my sister this last week and she said the same thing to me, about this not being a "balanced" diet. I tried to explain Dr. Tran's theory from his book, but she didn't buy it. She has lost weight again with WW and I said I know that works (I lost 105 pounds on it ten years ago) but right at this stage of my life with no exercise due to my arthritis I needed something different. I don't think people are being mean, they really are concerned.
I too have a friend and non friends (just aquaintances) fully expecting me to gain it all back. When they voice this, I usually just say "this is working for me, nothing else is and when I'm done I'll have changed my eating habits which is something I've never done on any other diet". This doesn't change their 'concern' and may not even change their attitude but it does kinda make them think "ok, she's sure, and she doesn't really want to discuss it with me".
Sometimes it doesn't work. I have had this discussion with the VIP many times he's said "but you can't go back right?". I'm never sure if he's questioning me or concerned that he won't ever be able to have his coke if and when he does this diet...lol (he has been assured he can have coke in moderation)
To quote you "moving on"...I don't know if anyone will ever get it, but this won't be their last diet....it will be ours.
I think you should talk to her about the science of the program and how it's a metobolic state we've put our body in. Dr Tran's book talks about the un-balanced/balanced approach....maybe that would help her understand. OR you could just say "This hurts me when you talk to me like this, I know what I'm doing and this is working for me"
I get a lot of the same questions from people. I'm a big guy (6'3" 332) and the concern I get is that I am eating too few calories. I try to explain ketosis, the science behind the diet and why we avoid fruits, but many people don't get it.
I find motivation in knowing my results will speak for themselves. My first weigh in is tonight and according to my home scale I am down 13.5 lbs in my first week and feel great!
I think with IP we diet 'smarter and not harder'. Perhaps she is a little jealous of the results your achieving without having to kill yourself in a gym.
I get this all the time. It's frustrating but what do ya do? Brush it off and show them that you wil not gain it back once your are in maintenence. It just gives us more incentive to really work hard to keep it off.
It sounds like she's a little (or a lot) jealous. She's literally worked her a** off with a personal trainer, boot camp -- and to her it looks like you eat some pudding and food out of a packet and voila -- you're losing weight!
Friends support each other in their choices. If there's a real concern, you express it, then move on -- you're both adults.
I think one of the other posters said it just right -- you'll just have to prove her wrong when you're in maintenance.
I agree with what has been said above. I think I would be honest and tell her the negative talk is hurtful and she needs to respect the choices you are making for yourself (because you are doing awesome!).
I will speak from my own experience on this.
I have a buddy who I go to the track with every night. He has been walking at the track since April, and I just joined him at the end of July.
He has been trying to watch what he eats etc. and I have been trying to push but not to hard about him trying the IP diet.
When I started walking with him I was at 282, he was at 277, well now I am at 238 and he is at 272, you tell me which is working better.
The IP diet and exercise or him watching what he eats and exercise?
The numbers don't lie, 2.5 months 44 pounds for me, 5 for him.
It's all about what and how much you eat, I have another friend of mine who has been eating more healthy at night for about a year, riding his bike, etc., I haven't seen him in about 5 weeks and I think he will probably freak out the next time he sees me because I think I weigh right about the same as him now.
And I used to weigh 90 pounds more than him.
I don't care what anyone says, this diet works. Does all my exercise make it work better? I doubt it, it doesn't hurt, but I definitely am more healthy and in better shape because of it.
I have watched my body fat index drop each week and I know that has had an impact on that, my body fat has dropped by 20% in the past 3 months and I couldn't be happier with that.
The reality is that there are many different ways to lose weight and each person needs to find what works for them. For some making a conscious change to what they eat works great, my wife did this a few years ago. However for me it wasn't enough and IP has helped to change my habbits and prove to me that I have the will power to avoid temptation and along the way helping me lose weight. When I told some friends that are also on a lost weight group they were complimentary to how much will power I had, to me it also showed how much control I'd given food over my life.
Now I realize that men and women operate differently, but I think being open and honest with your friend is the best way to go. Just because her plan worked for her doesn't mean it works for you, be supportive of your differences and appreciate that like everyone we are different too.
I am very glad we all can come here and vent when people upset us unknowingly. We all go through this, sometimes on a daily basis.
I hate when people say, "so it's like Atkins?" UGH! NO!
OR for example this weekend I had a planned weekend away and went off plan for first time in 3 months. And my mom was talking on the phone to my cousin who was praising how beautiful I look and blah blah blah, and I over heard my mom say, "yes she does, I just hope she doesn't gain it bake". So fustrating, i late politely told her I overheard that and didn't appreciate that comment. And I told her this is why i'm doing this program right this time, you HAVE to phase off and learn to maintain properly. I think she felt bad, maybe I was feeling overly sensitive because I was feeling guilty eating whatever was offered this weekend at the wedding and hotel.
Anyone have some good one liners we can use when people make comments?
It's so complex, I read the book, but I feel it's just too much to explain to one person. I typically say, "it's a science-based approach, it puts the pancreas to rest and teaches your body how to reintroduce proper sugars, carbs fat into the body, and you properly phase off to maintain and eat all foods properly in right combinations." Not sure if what I am say is 100% correct or if people actually get what I am say...
Vent...
