The hubby told me today I'm too thin. That I need to stop the diet now. That once I get the loose skin taken in, I'll be past my goal weight (this won't happen until next fall at the earliest).
But then I wonder if maybe my history is catching up with me. I had a bit of an undereating disorder when I was 19-20. Got really thin - 117 at 5'9". Used to avoid food.
Now, I'm not avoiding food on this diet - well, not the food allowed on the non-restricted list. I sometimes *do* miss a packet - maybe 3 days a week? And I *am* really into exercise - light weights & calisthenics for 50 min 2-3 times a week, riding the exercise bike 40-50 min 2-3 times a week, and occasionally weekend hikes. I usually do the weights & bike the same day, so it's an intense 2-3 days a week. And I don't add any extra protein drinks on days I exercise vs "off" days.
But here is the rub. First, the hubby is... not at his ideal weight. Not a problem - he is the cook, he makes great food (which is how I got to over 300 pounds), and *I* wasn't ready before I was ready, and he didn't push me, so I'd obviously give him the same consideration.
But...
As I started losing a goodly amount of weight, he mentioned that we used to be 20 pounds apart (me lighter), and that once I was within 20 pounds of him, he'd "start". Then, it was "when you weigh what I do", then "when you're 20 pounds less than me," and now? Well, he refuses to get on the scale, goes by his weight from the doctor 4 months ago, but if that's right, he's 215, and I'm 173, so that's 42 pounds?
And like I said, not a problem. He didn't push me, I wouldn't push him. He makes me my fish & veggies, then whatever he wants - pizza, fast food, hot baked sandwiches, cheesy hotdogs & beans, etc. I couldn't be here if he hadn't helped me.
But now... he actually told me that "I don't look good now, at this weight, I'm too thin..." I asked him just to stop, but he had to repeat it until it was the last word.
I'm 5'9", and weight 173.5 pounds. I want to switch to Phase 2 at 170 pounds, then lose a little more while I go through Phase 3 to 4. Then balance between 165-169. If you look at the BMI tables, I don't even hit "normal weight" until 169! So that doesn't seem extreme to me... My coach thinks I'm near my final weight, but is fine with me starting Phase 2 at 170.
It's hard to say, without knowing too much of your relationship with your husband.
If it IS sabotage, I don't know if he's doing it intentionally. It may be that he genuinely likes you more filled-out. Were you overweight for the majority of your marriage? Change is hard on some people, maybe he feels like you're becoming a stranger to him.
Now, for my personal opinion on your weight, 170 does not seem dangerously thin for 5' 9". You certainly don't have a lot of weight to lose, and it's true that loose skin has its own weight, but I don't think you're in ED territory yet. It's good that you're thinking about this, though. It's just as unhealthy to be too thin as it is to be overweight.
You don't have to push him into his own weight loss, but maybe you should sit down with him and discuss your weight loss. How he feels about it, how YOU feel about it, etc.
not sure about this one...he might just be afraid of losing you to health. He may feel left behind. I would say 173----170...all good...plus you look awesome...no different than someone who weighs 120. I will stop my weight loss between 165-170 and I am 3 inches shorter than you. But the last time I weighed 185....I was a size 10 and people thought I looked awesome and I can't believe pictures of me. We are all different. Do what you like best and feel best about. good luck
The hubby told me today I'm too thin. That I need to stop the diet now. That once I get the loose skin taken in, I'll be past my goal weight (this won't happen until next fall at the earliest).
But then I wonder if maybe my history is catching up with me. I had a bit of an undereating disorder when I was 19-20. Got really thin - 117 at 5'9". Used to avoid food.
Now, I'm not avoiding food on this diet - well, not the food allowed on the non-restricted list. I sometimes *do* miss a packet - maybe 3 days a week? And I *am* really into exercise - light weights & calisthenics for 50 min 2-3 times a week, riding the exercise bike 40-50 min 2-3 times a week, and occasionally weekend hikes. I usually do the weights & bike the same day, so it's an intense 2-3 days a week. And I don't add any extra protein drinks on days I exercise vs "off" days.
.....
I'm 5'9", and weight 173.5 pounds. I want to switch to Phase 2 at 170 pounds, then lose a little more while I go through Phase 3 to 4. Then balance between 165-169. If you look at the BMI tables, I don't even hit "normal weight" until 169! So that doesn't seem extreme to me... My coach thinks I'm near my final weight, but is fine with me starting Phase 2 at 170.
So, what does you think?
I was looking at your photos and thinking you are so sleek and trim now. When I looked at your photos a week ago I did a double take and checked your stats. In my opinion you looked like you weighed somewhere in the 150's. You are now very thin and attractive in my opinion, You look done with losing. Maybe your husband sees something similar. He may also be seeing the things we can't. For instance, my photos do not show the bones in my upper back or that you can see the bones in my upper chest. If he sees these things when he looks at you he may be concerned that you are too thin because you are not having enough body fat in his opinion. I am wondering, given that you do exercise so much, do you know your body fat percentage? Maybe you have already reached a healthy body fat. It is highly possible that your body fat is very healthy given the quality of your diet and the intensity of your exercise.
I am not going to say you have gone back to an eating disorder mentality. I don't think you have indicated that but, be aware, skipping meals is not the only way to create an eating disorder. Over exercising and not eating enough will do the same thing for your body as not eating.
You mention a plastic surgeon and skin removal for next year. Have you recently consulted with them to find out where you stand in their opinion and how much excess skin you might have? Based on what I have learned from a friend who is a surgeon, you can lose from 5 to 10 pounds just in a tummy lift. For a total body lift (following over 120 pounds lost) some people can lose up to 20 pounds. SO, depending on how much loose skin and if you think it is a lot, you have you could have a safe 10 pounds (minimum) excess skin on your total body, That would indicate you are well below your goal right now.
I am not saying your husband is right or wrong. I have never met you in person and can't see what he sees. He may be very concerned. He may just like a slightly heavier you (some men do.) He may feel left out. I don't think he is sabotaging you because that is what happens much earlier on and you indicate having had a very supportive spouse who took care of cook for your diet needs. If he wanted to sabotage you he could have easily done it and a long time ago. I am more inclined to believe he has a genuine concern.
If you stop now and maintain for a year, wait for the surgery, would you feel you could then go back for any "finishing touch" weight loss? Would that be something your husband would also be ok with?
I hope I haven't said anything to presumptive or offensive. I can tell this is a real concern for you. I hope you get your answer.
Last edited by showgirlaz; 10-20-2010 at 01:52 PM.
You're a tall person, just like me. People started freaking out that I was starving myself when I was at about 170, and now I've been happily at 140-ish for close to two years. There isn't a person I know, other than my husband who has seen the scale, who doesn't believe I weigh 110 or 120.
It's just a change he isn't used to, and like others have said, he may be worried about losing you.
Sabotage? Or am *I* the misguided one?
