@wannabe

So a few hours after I read your post about the donuts someone brought donuts into my office. My boss is a dieter and she started fuming about it going *straight to her thighs* while she was running to snag one. I wanted one, too, and grabbed one. I honestly really wanted two because I was hungrier than usual that morning and really wanted something to get my engine going. She made such a big deal about having *one donut* that it triggered me. I ate my first and then went to the kitchen and snuck a second one- scarfing it down in a location that is infrequently used by others around the office. I hadn't done anything like that for a while.

It was okay, though. I had a really light lunch and didn't eat much for dinner. My body totally compensated for the extra donut, even though I binged on it. The same happened yesterday. I ate too much for dinner on Friday night and I wasn't hungry most of yesterday. I ended up eating half of a sandwich and a bowl of cereal. The important thing for me was to not panic, not feel guilty, and just keep on eating intuitively. I hope you're feeling better and that you're taking care of yourself in this stressful time.

Hi Locke sorry my donut binge triggered you that sucks.

No I'm not feeling better. Still not eating intuitively. I'm triggered by being alone. I'm alone a lot more lately since I sent my LO to school. I'm in a state Where I can't trust myself.

Hi Ladies, Hope you have had a nice weekend. I ended up eating some salty foods this weekend so ended up with some water gain. I am new to this intuitive eating plan so I am asking for tips on what are the best book/ books to read on this subject?

There are many. Overfed Head is a good start because it's a good quick read and it covers the basics. More in depth is Intuitive Eating and Overfed Head. Some quick intros by Josie Spinardi are really really good on Youtube. She makes sense.

You didn't trigger me at all! It was my dumb boss. I know you can get through this just be patient with yourself.

Thanks for the vouch of confidence. I need some.

I've had a vicious cold the past couple of days. I haven't been able to taste or smell anything which has dulled my desire to eat. It made me think of what a fantastic diet trick it would be to have your sense of smell dulled, it makes you lose interest in food even if you're hungry. I've been enjoying foods on a texture-only basis.

@Wannabeskinny I know how you are feeling now that your LO is off to school now and you have more time to yourself. I am a SAHM with 3 kids who go to school full time. I don't work outside of the house because I have to take/pick them up from school as bussing here stinks. Plus with all there monthly delays, days off and vacations it seems impossible to work a job around all of it. But with all that said I just feel kind of "useless" now. Like I don't have them here to take care of anymore. After having done it for so many years it makes me sad that I'm not "needed" as much anymore. It can really play with your emotions which in turn can drive me straight to the kitchen. I keep thinking I need to get a hobby (do something other than cooking/cleaning which gets so old) but it makes me feel guilty to be doing something for "me" when everyone else is off working/school. Just a thought that maybe your LO going off to school has triggered all this off.

Here is another quote from the Overfed Head:
"I believed (as many people do) that all I had to do was to find the right
diet: the miracle diet to end all diets."

(Speaking of dieting, especially weird or strict ones)...."You can put up with just about anything if you know it's temporary, but I could not resign myself to the idea of giving up foods I love and filling up with foods I dislike for life!"

"Yet deep down I felt that to accept my obesity was to settle for being less than my best self."

Diets only work if you remain on a diet forever

I had an epiphany this morning. I realized that as strange as it may sound I am my own abuser. I sabotage myself and try to harm myself because of my self hatred. I bully myself and abuse myself emotionally and physically. I was abused emotionally and physically by my parents in childhood and there are voices in my head that perpetuate their abuse even though I don't live with them anymore. So now I have to be vigilant and try to fight the abusive side of my personality. This has all come out since I stopped overeating because there was nothing to numb myself with anymore and everything is really raw right now. It's a tough place to be but it's a place where change can finally happen.

Wannabe: I sort of know what you are going through, my middle child went off to kindergarten this year but Im still homeschooling my oldest and I have my baby. Its crazy what a large gap it leaves in my day though to be missing just one child. I have been doing a lot of cleaning lately because I feel like I have all this extra time. Are you still seeing your Nutritional Therapist? Could she possibly help you?

Locke: I know what you mean and that is a really powerful realization. I had a similar one when I was reading The Four Day Win by Martha Beck last year. She has a list of affirmations to say to yourself and one that really resonated with me was. " My body has suffered a lot. It deserves Kindness, not cruelty." and " In the grand scheme of things how much I eat or weigh matters much less than being kind. I will start by being kind to my body."

Anyway, that was a lightbulb moment for me. I realized I had been so cruel to my body. Hating it for how it looked, starving it, stuffing it with food when I wasn't hungry until I physically hurt, making it sick to get rid of food ( back in my late teens) exercising until it hurt to try to exercise the fat off, all the thoughts of hatred I used to send towards it... As I sat there saying these affirmations I started crying and honestly felt love and gratitude for my body and apologized for treating it so badly. I was able to feel love toward my body and myself and I think it made a huge difference for me. It was a turning point on my IE journey for sure.

Locke I am re-reading the book Intuitive Eating and I read this in the introduction where they had clients tell them certain things to mention in the book one of them was:
"After giving up bingeing, I ended up feeling pretty low some of the time and even rageful at other times. I realized that the food was covering up my bad feelings. But it was also covering up my good feelings. I'd rather feel good and bad rather than not feel at all."

I am re-reading the Overfed Head and Intuitive Eating. The Eden Diet if you are a Christian is great.. I downloaded the book by Josie Spinardi, it is really good too.

From the Overfed Head on the study of how thin people eat....."thin people seemed oblivious to the idea that some foods were fattening. Calories, fats and carbohydrates never entered into their consideration when deciding what to eat. Indeed, many of them were quite clueless as to the nutritional content of foods. There was no particular pattern to what thin people, as a group put into their bodies.

This is beautiful. I'm glad you have reached this realization, and thank you for sharing it - it resonates strongly with me as well.

Hello ladies! I was working with a rep yesterday making orders, she, husband and I grazed all day long on trail mix, did not have any supper fixed and was really hungry when we got to the Chinese restaurant I thought we were going to order and then go home and eat, but hubby decided to have the buffet there and then take an order to go. I wish we would have eaten at home, more control there than at the buffet. Anyway ate too much, not to the point of really stuffed but just over full. Tonight will be better!