I actually didn't even realize until coming here how many people DO regain on diets. That has never been my issue, I just can't stick to them. That used to make me feel like a failure but now it makes me feel like I have a strong healthy piece of myself that says Im worth it and its not OK to deprive myself and treat myself badly.
Think about how much we blame ourselves and our weakness for our problems with food. I used to believe that binging was my weakness, and I felt ashamed. I came to realize that binging was the method of coping that I developed when I didnt' know how else to cope with what was happening in my life. In my own immature and misguided way I was caring for myself in the only way I knew how. When you look at it like that then it's not so bad is it? And you're right, my inability to stick to a diet is kind of remarkable. It's like my body won't let me put it through nonsense, it knows intuitively that that's not the right solution, that's not what it needed all along. Now that I'm listening to my body it's opening to me, trusting me, and cooperating with me.
Yeah eating and my other vices were the ways I used to cope with my problems. They were the only tools in my tool bag. Now I've got so many more ways to cope. I'm still constantly thinking about food because I'm learning how to feed myself but it's positive. It's not thinking about all the food that I can't have or want but shouldn't have. It's "am I hungry?" "what sounds good to eat?" "I've got some nice tomatoes, cucumbers, and onions at home I think I'll make a summer salad tonight, etc." Oh and it's amazing how good food is when you're not just wolfing it down hoping that no one sees.
Interesting day yesterday, I'm controlling my urge to feel guilty about it.
Woke up early with an intense craving for cereal. So I had a bowl of Oaty Bites and loved it. I usually want breakfast about 2 hrs after I wake up but whatever. A couple of house later I had scrambled eggs with chives, ham and sautéed mushrooms. Cool. Late lunch I had 2 sliders, salad and some fries. Nice. Soon after around 3pm I indulged in a piece of red velvet cake. Who knows why. I don't think I truly wanted it. It was enjoyable at first but the last few bites were disgusting. I'm disappointed that I allowed myself to eat it mindlessly like that. I know what the stress trigger was but its an ingoing situation I dont know how to resolve. Afterwards I felt sick, like I wanted to vomit. I didn't, but the feeling lasted for hours. I didn't eat anything else for the whole night. This morning I feel fine and in tune with my hunger. I'm disappointed because I knew I wasn't hungry, knew I didn't want it, and let myself eat it. It caused more stress than it relieved. I'm annoyed more than anything.
Wannabe, I read somewhere that when we feel powerless over a situation, like we can't resolve it, is when we want to emotionally eat. It sounds like you might have been in that situation. Try not to be annoyed and just look at it as a learning experience. So what if you ate when you weren't hungry? Its just an opportunity to be aware and learn. Were you hungry the rest of the night at all? I understand that you are disappointed but even people that have no emotional eating issues at all sometimes eat when they are not hungry. It's really OK. Im glad you didn't vomit. I think you might be being a bit hard on yourself. I totally and completely understand because I would have difficulty in the same situation. I am just an outside observer trying to remind you to be gentle and loving with yourself.
My main struggle with IE lately has been trying to figure out when the best time to honor my hunger signal is. I think years of restriction have made it where I don't think Im hungry until Im literally shaking and can barely function. I notice that I get very irritable and want to rip everyone's face off when I finally feel "hungry" to me. And I don't think that is quite right. I struggle with eating sooner because then to me I don't feel REALLY hungry. And then, I eat less and then I have to eat more often. So, Im working on it.
Last edited by Pinkhippie; 06-01-2014 at 02:56 PM.
Thanks Pink, I'm trying to release myself of all that. I enjoyed doing chi gong by the river early this morning, and taking a walk with my family. This afternoon I attended a New Moon Women's circle at a local yoga studio and it was cleansing and inspiring and now I'm enjoying a cup of tea while hubby fires up the grill for tonight's bbq chicken dinner. All food experiences have been pleasant today.
Hey we need to start a June thread. Who's gonna do it?
I had the perfect IE meal yesterday. I was on a date and it was a beautiful day outside. I ordered a caesar salad with chicken and water to drink. The food arrived and I was very engrossed in the conversation. I ate extremely slowly, taking small and careful bites (you know how it is on a date, lol). My date had long finished his sandwich by the time I determined 2/3 of the salad was just enough. I was satisfied and also felt light and happy. It was also nice to just eat leisurely- it helped that the weather was gorgeous and I had good company. Apparently I need to go on more dates!
That does sound perfect Locke, let us know what happens with the guy! I've always found that when I'm sharing a meal with good company that I eat intuitively too. I don't zone out, but I focus on enjoying the experience with others which calls for slower eating, long breaks between bites, and a rounded experience with numerous pleasure points. I had a salad with romaine, cuke, peas, avocado and some left over BBQ chicken with ranch dressing today too! My BFF called as I started eating and I told her I'd call her back in 10 min when I finished lunch but I always underestimate how long it takes me to chomp through a salad. Now I know why people lose weight eating salad - you have no choice but to eat it mindfully so you won't choke on a crunchy bit, it takes forever to get through it all and the chewing burns a lot of calories haha!
