I thought I'd address this as well, although our situations are completely different.

I'm an empty nester, so it's just me and hubby. But I do relate to the TV eating, as we have a habit of doing that. My husband is an intuitive eater but he also has his eating routine. We always watch one particular news show together each evening at 6:00 pm, and that's when he likes to eat. (Sometimes I cook, sometimes I don't and he just eats cereal) but when I do cook that's where we've always eaten our meal - while watching this particular show. So now I've stopped doing that. If it's a night when I don't cook he eats whatever he's going to eat and I just sit and watch the show. If I DO cook I serve it before this show comes on and then he eats his cookie or another snack while watching it. Generally if I cook a big meal we eat it between 4 and 5 because we don't really eat much else during the day. He's retired from a large corporation and now works a part-time job a couple of days a week, and generally he works until 9. So obviously on those days I don't cook a big meal and it's easier on me to do what I need to eat mindfully.

I do, however, remember when my children were small and yes, it is the nature of being a mother that we put their needs above ours. I do think that's how I got in the habit of always taking a bite of food before sitting down at the table, because many times that was the only time I was going to eat any part of a hot meal. I'm not really in the best position to advice you because I was so thin when my children were small....which was a change from before I got pregnant, when I was overweight. So as I've stated before I was eating intuitively. I was somewhat older when I had my children and had gotten fairly set in my ways regarding sleep - meaning I LOVED sleeping in and not getting enough sleep was the hardest part of being a mother for me. So often I had a choice - I could EAT after they went to bed or I could go to SLEEP. I always chose sleep - which is probably why I stayed thin. My older child (daughter) was a very early walker and very very active so I quite literally ran after her all day. But she was good about taking naps. The son, not so much. Never slept at ALL during the day and was the ultimate t*tty baby (literally) ... I could NOT put him down. They were 27 months apart so needless to say I had little time for myself. I was blessed in that they both slept well at night so I was able to generally get a fair amount of uninterrupted sleep. But once the son came along there was NO napping for me. None.

I think I was too tired to eat, frankly. I don't know what happened to me. I used to marvel at how thin I was (at one time I weighed 95 lbs - I'm 5'2") and I would tell everyone I could eat anything I wanted. My husband was convinced that my metabolism had completely changed during pregnancy. But looking back, I realize now that I was simply eating when I was hungry and not at any other time. (and sometimes even NOT eating when I was hungry) That's why I believe IE is the way to go, because I've already experienced its success - although I didn't realize it at the time.

Anyway, as far as eating mindfully with others around, I'll admit it presents a challenge. It's more difficult for me. Short of just eating your own meal separately, not something I would recommend for family harmony, I guess the best advice I can give is just to try as hard as you can to not hurry your meal. I know it's frustrating, especially if your meal is getting cold. (I used my microwave a LOT to reheat when my children were small). And on those occasions when you DO eat a meal alone, really concentrate as much as possible on what you're eating. Like anything else this becomes a habit and should get easier as time goes on.

Thanks SouthernMaven for the explanation. I did read on in Overfed Head about how to eat mindfully and I've tried doing that.

In the morning yesterday I went through a list of possible breakfast items until I settled on yogurt. I liked the idea of something cool and refreshing and creamy. I threw in some flax seeds and chia seeds and a tiny sprinkle of grape nuts because I like the crunchiness they give, and drizzled it with a little honey. I tried not to feel guilty about the honey and I tried not to overthink the chia and flax because I usually do that "to be good" but I tried to think of it as a texture instead. I enjoyed every bite in what I thought to be a mindful way.

Later on in the morning as I was ironing I got a hunger pang. I tried to shake it off like a little dog nipping at my heels as someone else suggested. I tried so hard to understand hunger, to prolong it so that I could FEEL its effect. I really couldn't discern if it was physical, emotional, psychological or what. This is the hard part for me. What is this feeling of discomfort, and can I take care of it with something other than food? So I grabbed a small handful of almonds, smelled them, sat down and ate them one by one feeling the texture of each one. It didn't make the discomfort go away but it took the edge off.

Lunch was a little frantic, DS was spilling his food everywhere and it was making me kind of crazy. I gobbled up 2 bowls of vegetable/bean soup and one slice of crusty bread as mindfully as one can with a fiesty toddler getting soup everywhere. I should have probably waited until after he had his lunch to eat but by that time I was feeling a little frantically hungry myself. I'll need to watch out for this.

Dinner was steak, pan roasted potatoes and mushrooms, and salad. Dinner was less frantic. I put my fork down between bites and really tried to pay attention to the food rather than just shoveling it in. I'm not usually a fast eater but I pay less attention to the food than I should. This is a meal I can easily over eat, especially the potatoes! I can go for 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th helpings - I'm usually done when all the potatoes are gone. So I really wanted to eat the potatoes just enough to be satisfied. In the end I had a couple of helpings, 1/3rd of the steak, a couple of mushrooms and a side salad. Much less than I usually eat for sure.

The hardest part aside from identifying hunger is identifying satisfaction. I know that I need less food to be satisfied than to be full, but reaching that level of satisfaction is not easy to do. It's like learning how to walk - you don't explain mechanics to a baby when they first start to walk, you let them kind of figure it out on their own. But if you're teaching an adult to walk you have to go through and explain each step of what to do with their feet. That's how this feels. It's like learning how to eat - it should have been done long ago.

So based on my description of yesterday's eating, am I doing this right? Will this get easier? Will I teach myself to eat less this way?

You are doing wonderfully! And I completely understand the frustration. You explanation of the process as it relates to an adult is spot on. Years of dieting have completely distorted our hunger cues. Don't feel bad at this point if you're finding it hard to distinguish between "mouth" hunger and true hunger. Over time you'll begin to sense the difference.

For example, a couple of weeks ago I got really busy and just didn't eat. Well, I think I had eaten some yogurt early in the morning but that was all. I had to run errands and as I was driving I began to feel really faint. I didn't even know what was wrong and then I began thinking about the fact that I'd not eaten much the day before and had little to eat that day. At this point it was about 2:30 in the afternoon. I HAD to stop and get something to eat. Not only did the fact that I was faint tell me I was truly hungry but I also was craving something healthy. The closest thing I could find to healthy that I could get in a hurry was Chik-Fil-A, so I went in there and got a chicken salad sandwich. Man, did it taste good! Despite all the noise and chaos in there (children just having been dismissed from school and all that) I was able to eat pretty mindfully and believe it or not, I left about a quarter of that sandwich, even as hungry as I was.

I will tell you that I do get pangs of what I think is hunger but I let it go, because I know that if I'm TRULY hungry it will persist. Stomach grumbling for me isn't always an accurate sign because that often happens to me right AFTER I eat. For me it's more about how my overall sense of well-being is, but it's so individual for everyone.

And some days you WILL be a LOT hungrier than others. That's normal. I rarely eat on any type of schedule any more. I know that's more difficult for you, but I think you're doing really well.

Oh, and about the yogurt - I eat that ALL THE TIME and I put in Grape Nuts and frozen blueberries because I LOVE IT that way, not because I think it's good for me. I only like Vanilla yogurt, the fat-free Publix brand. Don't care for Greek Yogurt at all, so I just don't eat it. I eat what I WANT - and that way, I eat less overall.

Eating mindfully and deliberately is difficult. Not that I can't do it, but it takes a long time and it requires a fair bit of theatrics. Pausing, smelling, tasting, thinking about the texture and how it goes down. I wonder, does it start to feel less forced? It's like hyper awareness.

Breakfast today was interesting. I made 2 scrambled eggs, a cup full or so of left over pan roasted potatoes, some mushrooms and 2 slices of sopressatta. After a few bites I realized I didn't want most of the egg. And after thoroughly enjoying a few mushrooms I didn't want any of those anymore either. I focused on the potatoes which were roasted with onions and thus very sweet, and alternated bites between those and sopressatta which is salty and smoky. I barely ate one egg I'm sure. My instinct was to go back and calculate calories. I know this is bad but I couldn't stop my mind from going there.

Maven I agree on the vast difference in a slow enjoyed simple meal like your toast or a bowl of soup that you just take a bite at a time and savor. I like a pleasant table and pretty setting, too I cut palm branches here behind the house and stick them into cases around the house I can feel the tropical breeze LOL.

Wannabe I was going to comment on family and intuitive eating. It sure is good for your kids to establish good habits, too wherever you can make them happen. I had a no tv, sit at the table guideline as early with the kids as I can remember and I would light candles often. I remember my sons lighting them even when I never mentioned it as they got older and both of them are good soulful cooks now. It's good for the family, but with that said you are where you are and husbands can be entrenched in habits especially. Maybe you could start with a Sunday meal or something and see if it's so nice it gets done more often.

The big thing with my husband is he wants to eat once a day and then just really eat a lot. He is not overweight and honestly he is being intuitive for him, but not me and then the question is when do you share as a couple or family and when hold out for yourself. There are no easy or right answers.

A quick flyby to say that changing my plan to IE with WW instead of the other way around helped. I know it sounds crazy to, but it worked and I had a wonderful IE day.

Have a nice weekend.

I'm continuing on my IE journey. I am finding it difficult to tune into my body but I'm beginning to develop a sense of calm - I'm noticing that I don't have a lot of anxiety around food. Maybe it's because I know it's not off limits. For years I've been struggling with the bad/good mentality. If I eat a salad I am "good" and if I eat a potato chip I am "bad." After a few years of judging myself and criticizing myself and basing my self worth on the food I eat I'm exhausted, truly truly exhausted. So quelling my anxiety around food is really key. I know I can eat it if I want it, nothing is off limits, and enough to quell my hunger is enough. I'm also trying not to be critical of my cravings, they are what they are and I'm hoping that if I learn to trust what my body is saying that it will be easier to discern those cravings.

I'm also observing the thin people around me. Yesterday I was with 2 thin colleagues. During our meeting one of them suddenly said "I need a break, I need something to eat." And she pulled out a piece of corn bread from her coat pocket and said "I think I forgot to eat lunch and now I'm feeling a little weak." She ate about half of it and then got back to work. The conversation steered towards food (as it often does around women), and my other colleague (who is willowy thin and has been for the past 15yrs that I've known her) was describing her chocolate obsession. She was telling us that every morning she has toast with nutella for breakfast - that certainly does not sound like diet food to me... so how does a thin person eat chocolate and bread for breakfast every day and stay willowy thin? It made me think about all the Italians out there gobbling up pasta and wearing designer clothing, and about the millions of Asians eating noodles and rice for every meal and staying thin. There is no such thing as a bad food, and having a good relationship with food, ALL FOOD is the key to staying sane.

I think I've spent too long villainizing food, making my self worth hang on my self hatred for eating a cookie, and declaring myself as a failure when I've chosen to eat something off my plan. It's just inhuman how I've treated myself.

This is a GREAT post, Wannabeskinny!

I have bolded the statements that really jumped out at me, which I think is the essence of IE, but all your points are just wonderful...especially about all the thin people eating carbs. (I get crazy sometimes reading the posts from the all-knowing LC "gurus" on this forum and elsewhere who want people to believe that carbs should be banished from EVERYONE'S diet).

Those who oppose IE want everyone to think that people are just stuffing their faces with junk all day long. Nothing could be further from the truth. It really is all about getting in tune with our bodies.

Loved your observations about the thin colleagues. Can you imagine someone saying "I think I forgot to eat lunch?" How can you not KNOW you didn't eat lunch? :?: But that's my ultimate goal - to have food so insignificant in my life that I can honestly say I forgot to eat. I do skip meals from time to time for a variety of reasons, but I never FORGET to eat. I have known people who do, though. And they are all thin.

Maven I was one of those who thought I couldn't eat anything but low carb because of my fasting blood sugar readings, but I have learned that this is not true. In fact, I am learning just the opposite about myself. One thing I am learning is that I need some of the carbs that lc says I can't have. Now I have learned that I need them in moderation, but I need them for energy.

There was a time in my life when I would actually forget to eat. I never ate breakfast most of my life and I don't think I would have eat dinner if it hadn't been the main meal of the day growing up when family set down to eat together. Most of my weight problems have been from eating when everyone else eats or following the "normal" way of eating 3+ meals a day.

Wannabeskinny Today I experienced that calmness you speak of. No anxiety about my eating etc.

I've been listening to the hypnotherapy cd of Allen Carr who wrote the book Lose Weight Now The Easy Way. I listen to it as I go to sleep at night. Although I wasn't doing anything it said, I listened to it for a long time just because it relaxed me and it helps me sleep. I wanted to go back to eating the way I used to eat except, I like eating fruit in the morning because being similar to the book Fit For Life, Carr believes it helps detox your body. But I had been so brainwashed that I had to eat breakfast that I actually had a fear of getting hungry especially if I was away from home.

Today was my WI day on WW, so I wanted to make a change of the way I Intuitively Eating with the WW. I've always said if I ever got to the place in my life where I could do it that I would do Fit for Life. The difference in Fit For Life and Carr's Lose Weight Now is that he actually says on the hypno, cd "You will ONLY eat when you are hungry". He stresses that you will focus on what you eat and feel the texture and how it tastes etc enjoying every bite and eat only as much as it takes to satisfy your hunger.

Finally it has come together for me. I woke up this morning and dressed to go to church. I normally would be afraid to make any changes on a day I was going to be away from home, but I actually felt calm and relaxed to just eat a cup of honeydew melon and drink a cup of coffee. And yes I had the caffeine and enjoyed every bit of it. Went to church and enjoyed being there... no hunger pangs or fear of being hungry. I came home and calmly had another half cup coffee with half a banana before cooking dinner. Only cooked when DGS came in and said he was hungry. I made burgers and fries for the family and served him and DH first. I wasn't all that hungry except that I really wanted that burger. So while I cooked my burger, I cleaned up what I could of the kitchen then made my burger the way I wanted it and made me about half the fries I normally would eat and I truly enjoyed/savored every bite of it.

I was actually so satisfied that I haven't had to have anything else to eat since lunch. I've got my points figured on WW and I'm low on them at this time. Not sure if I'll even eat what I've planned or not. If I get hungry for something else, I will change and eat what I want because it just feels so good to be doing IE. This is the way I ate normally when I was younger and I sure hope I can keep up this way of eating and completely stop "diet thinking".

I quit smoking and drinking with Alan Carr's books. Didn't like his lose weight one, but I'd be interested in trying the hypnosis cd. Where do they sell it?

I'm pretty sure I ordered mine from Amazon.com. It came with the book.

Hey gals,

Just checking in. My flirting with very low carb eating has reinforced the idea that diets don't work for me. I just need to eat what my body wants. I'm also getting used to serving myself small portions and getting up for seconds if I need to- which usually doesn't happen. So much peace of mind around food right now. I can celebrate what I eat and not feel guilty. :)

I've only been doing this for 4-5 days now but I will say that I was a little disappointed getting on the scale this morning. No gain, no loss. It's weird because I FEEL skinnier today and I'm sad that the scale doesn't reflect that. It also sent me thinking about the foods that I ate and berate myself a little bit for it. I'm not giving up because feeling better is a great deal more desirable to me than just losing weight and feeling deprived. I'm just going to continue trusting myself that I will eat when and what I want and stop when I've had enough and hope that soon my body will stop telling me to eat fattening foods lol.

Shopping mindfully - how do you stock up on food? Would I be craving pigs in a blanket for breakfast if there weren't some leftover in my fridge after the Super Bowl? How do you shop healthfully and mindfully and keep your kitchen full of healthy foods that aren't junk? Or do you buy junk and let yourself be tempted? I'm trying to follow my intuition buy should I buy food without judgement either?

wannabeskinny I'm sure all of us shop differently. I for one am working on getting my fasting blood sugar under control so that has a lot to do with what I buy and eat. While it is true that with IE there is no good/bad foods or "junk" foods, there is what Evelyn Tribole in Intuitive Eating calls Play foods. These are the foods that are considered junk foods by diets. She says follows an eating ratio of 90% nutritional foods and 10% play foods. So when I shop I try to follow this ratio and think ahead as to foods I think sounds good to keep on hand for my DH and me. However, I have learned that there are some "play" foods that I am not ready to have on hand on a regular basis because they are "problem" foods for me. I'm finding that just because diets, even diabetic diets or IE says that I can have something does not mean it is so "for me". While it is okay for someone else doesn't make it alright for me.

I walk through the store and I see something in the store I think I will like and start to get it and realize that either I don't really like it or I don't really want it bad enough to make it. This is "my way" of learning what foods I've eaten over the years because "I thought I should" because it was a healthy "diet" approved food. One of the stages in learning to eat intuitively according to Tribole's and Resch's IE book is to learn what foods that "you really like to eat". I remember reading about one of their patients who realized there were only 10 foods that she really liked and she made her eating work around those foods.

I'm sure others will give you how this works for them and hopefully you it will help you find one or a combo of ways that will help you find what will work for you.