I'm 29 and have never been in a relationship, and lately I've heard a lot of bad man stories that make me think it's not worth it! I've been single my whole life and have wondered if I'm missing something lately. I've been thinking that I should make some effort in trying to do the dating thing, but it is very scary. I don't know if I'm convinced that I'll be better off. I'm baggage-free, and I'm not looking forward to gaining some. Guys seem to do so many bad things to women sometimes. Any advice? Is it really worth it?
I don't know how to answer that. I've been with my husband for nearly 6 years, married for 3. I was engaged once before, and had a few flings. I love being single - except for the lonely nights and longing for love and companionship. I'm not trying to come across as sarcastic, either. I really did love being single, as I am typically a very independent woman (and I like to control my surroundings) - I had the freedom to be me without concern for the immediate wellbeing of others. I met my husband when I was having the best time of my life and didn't want or need a man.... and then I was hit by the lovebug. He proposed 4 days after we met, and we've been together ever since. There have been tons of ups and downs, and heartbreaking emotional issues....somedays I have wondered why I stay, why I don't leave and enjoy that freedom that I once had. I truly, passionately love my husband and I am reminded of that through the smallest things that he does for me. I miss him when he can't get home until late in the evening; I have much difficultly sleeping without the comfort of his presence; I love the fact that I have someone who really gets me...someone who understands my thoughts without any explanation. It is truly the physical and emotional closeness that gets me.
Should you or shouldn't you date? I don't know - but if you truly long for passion and companionship, then I would say that it is worth a try. I can only say that if you do, be yourself and be assertive; know when to say its over and know when to give your heart away.
For me it has been worth it. I have had some real losers along the way and a "few good men". I enjoy being in a relationship and having the closeness and companionship that comes with it. Not all men are bad, not all women are good. My current marriage is comfortable, pleasant and we are very close. We have been married 9 yrs. We are best friends. I can understand the part of not wanting any extra "baggage". I have felt the same way, but when love strikes, this becomes less of a factor. I started to see it more as someone to share lifes up and downs and more of a partnership than "baggage". Although, a bunch of stepkids can definitely put a damper on things, at least it did for me.
I was very careful with dating and would never let a guy get too close until I was 28. I dated a guy and I loved him but not having dated someone super seriously before, I didn't know entirely what to expect. He was also in the same boat where he had never really had a long term relationship before. I had long term relationships before but there was always some barrier between me and the guy. Anyway, I decided to let my barrier down but there was something not quite right with the relationship. I was happy where the relationship was and didn't really want to take it further although I knew we had to at some point in order for the relationship to continue. Anyway, he figured it out before I did that the relationship was not right and needed to end. It really broke my heart but I think it helped change me for the better.
So less than a year after that relationship ended, I became really close friends with someone I had worked with for many years. This was a guy I knew and respected quite a lot. We became closer every day and found ourselves talking on the phone nearly every day which is something I've never had with any other guy in my life. We also ended up working for the same manager in different cities. He had unfortunately recently moved from where I was living back to his home town and he had told me something about not thinking long distance relationships were a good idea. So I took that to mean that we'd be really good friends and that he wouldn't be interested in anything more. I totally missed signals that I shouldn't have missed but he told me one day he was interested in me for something more than friends. So we started a long distance relationship and I have to say that it sucked I loved when he visited and we talked every night for hours but I missed him terribly. I realized that I was totally, completely, madly in love with one of the most awesome men I had ever known. It felt so different than my previous relationship and it felt right. We decided we needed to fix the distance so we told our manager, he found a different job and we both moved to a city close to where he was already living. That was a little over a year ago. We are getting married in less than a month.
I have to say that it was totally and completely worth it.
I definitely have no regrets. I didn't date until I was 19...and then I had one three week relationship with a bit of a jerk, but after we broke up I started dating my now-husband, who was also one of my good friends since I was 15. We've been together over 9 years now...married 5...and while there have been ups and downs...overall there has been much more good...and wonderful about my relationship than negatives. I say give it a try - you never know who you're going to meet! Good luck!
I'm happy with the man I'm with. It's a whole new can of worms when you get involved with someone though. All of a sudden, your needs have to work together with his needs.
Sometimes, I wish I were single. Only because I'd like to do things alone and my man is kinda clingy. My single friends all went by the wayside so that I could spend more time with him..
I guess you take the good with the bad.. but you just have to do what makes you happy!!
I was with a man for like 13 years, 10 of them married. It ended in divorce but I will not let that get me down. I met and fall in love with my soulmate. We have been together for about two years now and just got married 6 months ago. He is the best thing that ever happened to me besides my kids. I love him with all my heart and we are going to be here for each other to share lifes journey and the ups and downs. It is definately worth it!!
I don't date, and am perfectly happy with being by myself. I have long days and when I come home, I want to be able to relax and do what I want to do and cook what I want to eat, without worrying about entertaining someone else or having to cook for them too. I don't want to have to think about having to shave, or look nice, or be good company all the time. Maybe it's selfish, but I've found that guys tend to be much higher maintenance than they think and to me it's not worth it!
Whether you decide to stay single or go out with a guy you might like, I think it's fantastic that you're independent enough to be happy without a guy. Too many women believe you can't be happy or have a full life if you don't have a man-- any man-- by your side.
TARA D ~ I hope someday you find that person especially for you! If that is what you want. I had a great high school ~ college girlfriend that ended after 4 years, a great first marraige that ended after 14 years together 10 married and am now married to Angie for over 10 years ~ there has been pain along the way but..............WAY SO WORTH IT!!!!!!!!!!
My vote is no. I had my first relationship end a couple of weeks ago and now that I have experienced being involved and being sinlge, I prefer being single. I did like having someone to hug, kiss, and cuddle with, but that's about it. And he didn't even like to do that with me, so we're both better off. I have a lot of issues I need to deal with first, and some therapy to go through before I can have a healthy relationship. That "you've got to love yourself before you can truly love someone else" rule completely applies to me. I've even prepared myself for the idea of never having someone to share my life with. I really like being alone - and the only time I get lonely is when I'm listening to sappy love songs.
Of course it is...this may sound cliche but...it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Being in love is one of the greatest feelings there ever is. I was married for 12 years and then widowed and even if I had known how things would end there is nothing I would have changed. I have three beautiful children from that union and that is what I focused on for years. But, I dated my share of nuts, freaks and jerks. And just when I was about to give up again, I met my husband and we have been together 9 years now, married for almost 8. A friend once told me when I was frustrated with dating that you have to weed through the garbage before finding the right person...she was right! Even though I wasn't willing. I guess I just wanted Mr. Right when I wanted him. But the journey was well worth it. I know a lot of women are content with being single but look at what you are missing. Yes, there are jerks out there but not all men are jerks and how are you going to know unless you get out there and experience dating for yourself. This is JMHO.
Tara: Here's my take...Being single is wonderful. Being married is wonderful. Dating SUCKS!!! My advice is to stay single. If you go about looking for a boyfriend, you may make stupid choices. Be advised that I believe there is some sort of 'aura' that we women have that only men can see when we are 'looking for a relationship' and many, many men will see this 'aura' as an opportunity to get laid and then you will get very, very hurt. Just my opinion from many, many, more than I care to admit to, experiences.
My advice to you is the same for my 12-year-old daughter who asked me how old she has to be before she's allowed to have a boyfriend. I told her (as I"m tell you now) that when you know a guy that you are really, really comfortable being around, is a great friend, someone you look forward to seeing all the time and HE FEELS THE SAME WAY ABOUT YOU, then you are ready to have HIM as a boyfriend. The danger comes in 'wanting' a boyfriend and looking for someone to fill a role for you. When I was a senior in high school, it became very important to me to have a date for the prom, so I went out with a boy that really, really liked me, but I was only so-so on how I felt about him. Well, the prom came and went and then I broke up with him and really, really broke his heart. It stunk almost as bad as getting dumped myself, to do the dumping. As I've told my daughter, boys are not accessories...they're people too! So, it can go both ways.
Let it happen naturally, when the right guy comes along, you'll know for sure.
I agree with things that others have said about having to love yourself and being able to be comfortable with being single and not to really look for a relationship.
The reason I say that is that I was single most of my adult life and I enjoyed it. Sure I would date guys but then I wasn't really serious about them and if they tried to get too serious about me, I would end the relationship. I think partly because I didn't feel I was ready for a relationship. When my first serious relationship ended at the age of 29 after being together for almost a year, I was pretty much ready to give up men. I went out with a few guys on dates but I wasn't really interested in anything more. I was comfortable with being single. When I started dating my fiancee, as I said, it was different and when we decided to move in together, I was a basket case. I had never lived with someone else and I didn't know what to expect and was I giving up independance? Did I really want to give up my independance? I think he wanted to strangle me at the time because I was scared and excited at the same time.
I do agree that you can be comfortable with being single and even recently, I started to think about getting married and changing my last name. I've had my name for so long, am I ready to give it up? I am but it is feels a bit weird to have your name, which you've had for so long, get changed to something else.
I'm 28 and resolutely single. I did go out with a guy in university, but I was never entirely happy with the situation, and was the one to break it off.
I have far too much fun on my own to feel like I'm missing out on anything. I travel alone, I do the things that interest me alone, I eat what I want, I go where I want, and I live my life for me rather than feeling like I need to compromise with anyone else (my family all live overseas too, so it really is just me here). Maybe it's a bit selfish, but I'm happy that way and don't need to worry about hurting anyone else or worrying about what they want to do.
I'm not ruling out the possibility that maybe someone will come along one day, but I'm certainly not going out there looking for them at the moment. If the right person comes along, I figure I'd be happy to make those compromises because it would be worth it, but to date for the sake of dating, or to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a couple (and I have friends who do that) is something I could never do.
Yes, there are times when I worry about getting old alone, and maybe my priorities will change over time, but at the moment I'm perfectly happy as I am, and I don't see any reason to change that. I don't particularly want children, so there's no rush, and if it happens it happens.
Is dating really worth it?
I loved when he visited and we talked every night for hours but I missed him terribly. I realized that I was totally, completely, madly in love with one of the most awesome men I had ever known. It felt so different than my previous relationship and it felt right. We decided we needed to fix the distance so we told our manager, he found a different job and we both moved to a city close to where he was already living. That was a little over a year ago. We are getting married in less than a month.
