Thank you, everyone, for your advice. And it's wonderful advice. I didn't mean to sound all poopy in my posts, it's just what he said (about going out and getting himself shot) really upset me. Forgive me if I don't respond to each of you individually, but I just wanted you to know that I've read all of your messages and appreciate them very much. It's nice to vent and actually have people listen and respond.
I know I've probably contradicted myself all over the place because I didn't give all the details in my first post. You know how it is when you're mad; you sit down and just type and things just come out. And not always in a good way.
I'll agree that Matthew's actions are a cry for attention. And him and I *do* spend time alone together and yes, we spend time with our son as well. I think everything evens out, to be honest. But sometimes miscommunications happen between two people. It's life. I was in no way saying I didn't love him anymore and wanted to "get rid" of him. I'm just trying to understand him. And you've all helped me to do that
I think tonight him and I will spend some time together... if we can get our son to sleep and away from the dogs, that is! It's not easy in this house, lol.
You kind of contradicted, though, when initially I think you said he'd gotten to be a jelly belly since you'd lost weight but when someone mentioned his weight you said he worked out and had a nice body?
Well he's not perfect but yes, he works out and has a really nice form.
I don't recall saying he had a jelly belly, though, lol. But he does have an area around his 'midriff' that can't be worked off. The reason for this is because he's had major surgery in the past and has a scar there that caused his skin to become... well, not elastic. It never bounced back. So even with all the working out he's done, it won't go away.
not sure if this wae mentioned~~Sounds to me like your man is affraid you are going to find someone else. HAve you sat down and asked him what going on? Why he is feeling so insecure? Guys need reasurance they like to know they are wanted and needed and that you find them sexy, so maybe planting more comments( which I am sure you already plant) here and there and initiating some more intamacy may make him feel more secure.
As some one mentioned, guys night may be all he needs? Does he have friends he can set that up with?maybe a weekly poker night ar something...
not sure if this wae mentioned~~Sounds to me like your man is affraid you are going to find someone else. HAve you sat down and asked him what going on?
Yes, him and I had that talk. And I flat out told him that if he can't trust me now, he'll never be able to. I also assured him that I wasn't going out to find somebody else. But he sometimes acts like he doesn't believe me.
There's nothing else I can do about it. Him and I spend time together (intimately and all) I've told him I'm not out looking for another man and he's just going to have to trust me.
If he does he does. If he doesn't... then he doesn't.
I wouldn't agree that if he can't trust you now, he never will. You've made some drastic changes in both your appearance and your behavior. In essence you've become a new person, a person he doesn't know very well. His brain may tell him he can trust you, but his instincts say he doesn't know the new you well enough to trust.
Part of him misses the old you, the person he knows the best. You telling him you love him, but being anxious to go out a lot when you didn't before, and being annoyed when he comes along, or annoyed at his insecurities, doesn't really add up to him. It's like to him, the OLD you loves him, but the NEW you can't wait to be shed of him. I don't think it's unreasonable for him to think it, because reading your posts, I thought it. I'm not saying it's true, only that with what you are saying and doing, it does seem that way.
I don't think it's unreasonable for him to think it,
Well, I never said it wasn't. Believe me, I perfectly understand his insecurities. But that particular night and that particular comment really upset me and I just needed a place to vent.
I didn't go through all the posts but I was wondering why you go out almost every weekend? If you do go out almost every weekend how about going out with your hubby instead of you girlfriend, maybe you'll see why your with him in the first place...
Sorry if I offended you, just the way I think...
I'm getting divorced because my ex went out ever weekend without me and then sometimes during the week too, he was looking for something in someone else that he had right here at home.
Again apologies...
I didn't go through all the posts but I was wondering why you go out almost every weekend? If you do go out almost every weekend how about going out with your hubby instead of you girlfriend,
No, you didn't read all of the posts
Him and I do go out and spend time together. And he goes to his friend Sean's every Saturday.
I wanna know your secret for getting him to take on the sole responsiblity of baby-sitting on the weekends!? WOW. I'm kinda being sarcastic. (However it is amazing in a way) It sounds to me like he's taking a back seat to your solo socializing plans. It sounds as if, if its convienient for him to go then fine, if not, also fine. His reactions do sound pretty unappealing but I think he might feel like your putting your "time out" ahead of him, hense propetuating the over the top emotional responses. I know I'd be miffed if I where him, weight loss aside. Good luck, I hope all goes well!~~~~~ ok so now I've read all the responses...The last few are totally off topic Even after all the answers I still think going out every weekend, especailly after such a huge change, is not good for the relationship. You sound restless. JMHO.
Last edited by Stevi-rocks; 06-26-2006 at 01:58 AM.
Even after all the answers I still think going out every weekend, especailly after such a huge change, is not good for the relationship. You sound restless. JMHO.
*sigh*
Has everyone completely missed everything I've said?
One, I don't go out every single weekend. When I said ALMOST every weekend, I guess I should have been more specific. We go out maybe 2 Friday's a month, every other weekend. For example, this weekend we're staying in. Secondly, I'd say 8 times out of 10, Matthew is with us. And that's fine because Matthew has known Kathy for a long time as well, 16 years. We all have fun together. Thirdly, Matthew goes to his friend Sean's every Saturday. And it doesn't bother me a bit, they've been doing that since I met him.
What my whole 'beef' was about is that on SOME of the weekends that Kathy and I want to go by ourselves, he starts acting insecure. And I perfectly understand why. I'm aware he feels that especially since I've lost all this weight that men are going to start hitting on me (believe me, they won't, I'm sure none of them want anything to do with me) and I was basically looking for a simple, "No, Linda, there's nothing wrong with wanting to go out with your friend once in a while."
And that's all.
Again, most of the time I go out with Kathy, he's with us. And he goes to his friend's house a lot. And I don't mean just the two of them sit over there together like bumps on logs staring at the sports on TV, this guy's house is party central. There are people running in and out of there all night long (which, by the way, he's admitted to me in the past that he let Sherry, some chick that hangs over there, talk him into...uhhhh... sexual favors). So dammit, a girl's night out without being made to feel like the biggest heel on the face of the earth would be nice!!!
