[knoxie]

I'm dipping my toe back in the dating water after a year of being single and was due to have a date tonight with a guy I was talking to online/video chatted with a couple of times...I say 'was due' to have a date because...I've been ghosted! As in he has dropped off the face of the earth between making the date and now.

From googling this vanishing without explanation (affectionately termed 'ghosting') is a pretty popular thing. When did just being upfront and saying you changed your mind or met someone you like better stop being a thing?!

Btw I know life happens, but the guy concerned had kinda done it to me before. We'd been talking about making a date for a certain weekend and he disappeared....then reappeared a week or so later with a very convincing apology and excuse for where he'd been. Tonight's date was meant to be to make up for the last one We got along pretty well and he seemed excited for the date, then no contact.....

[yoyoma]

I'm sorry he put you through this painful experience. =(

Since you've never actually met the fellow, he may be catfishing... pretending to be a person he isn't and trolling others romantically. I don't know why people do such cruel things but the internet is an enabler. It could have been worse, even much worse... there are dine-and-dashers who will leave their dates with the bills and there is always the very small but existing possibility of real danger.

I hope you move on quickly to meet some nice guys!

[bloominbutterflies]

I'm sorry for what you expierenced .

I agree about the catfishing. Recently my bestfriend was catfished by a guy "in the army" in Africa. He needed $100 something dollars for a "phone bill" or he couldn't talk to her anymore and refused to do facetime with her. She gave it to him and he vanished, I want to slap her sometimes for being so dumbly nice.

When I was online dating I felt better setting some ground rules and expectations for myself. For instance, if I found someone interesting I would talk to them 2-3 weeks and then ask for a date to be set up if he hadn't already. If he refuses or beats around the bush, I would ghost and try someone new. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of nice people who are shy to meet or aren't quite ready, but if they aren't explicitly clear what the deal is I can't be wasting my time. I think it's also good to keep expectations low until you've achieved date 1, because a lot of times it never happens :/.

[knoxie]

He's not catfishing in the traditional sense - he is who he says he is (social media etc checks out and we've video chatted a few times) but maybe he's been less than truthful about other aspects of his life that would have become obvious if we met. He's never asked for anything from me and seemed genuinely excited that we were finally gonna get to go on our date!

Which is guess is why I don't really understand it and would have appreciated a little honesty from him. I was due to travel a couple of hours to see him and I text him a day or two ago asking something about the date.....and nothing. And nothing since. It seems like kindness has gone out the window - contrary to popular belief a polite 'hey I'm just not that into you' is far better than dropping off the face of the earth!!

[EagleRiverDee]

Ghosting has been a thing since dating went online, I think. 20 years ago I was doing the online dating and got ghosted more than once. I even got ghosted by a friend, a guy I was communicating with but because we lived clear across the country we'd both made it clear that it was just friends. He asked to see a photo of me and I sent one and he ghosted me. Just like that. That was a huge blow to my self-esteem when apparently the guy thought I was too unattractive to even be his friend.

I'd suggest, if the guy ever contacts you again, that you tell him exactly what you said here. That it's not too much to expect that he just be honest, and he's had his two chances, no more. Once with a good excuse I can see, twice is a pattern, and you don't need that.

[TheSecondHalf]

If he ever contacts you again, ignore it. The guy is a flake, whatever his reasons.

[jennykorpes]

What doesn't kill you make you stronger Always remember that!

[happynottsgirl]

Originally Posted by knoxie

I'm dipping my toe back in the dating water after a year of being single and was due to have a date tonight with a guy I was talking to online/video chatted with a couple of times...I say 'was due' to have a date because...I've been ghosted! As in he has dropped off the face of the earth between making the date and now.

From googling this vanishing without explanation (affectionately termed 'ghosting') is a pretty popular thing. When did just being upfront and saying you changed your mind or met someone you like better stop being a thing?!

Btw I know life happens, but the guy concerned had kinda done it to me before. We'd been talking about making a date for a certain weekend and he disappeared....then reappeared a week or so later with a very convincing apology and excuse for where he'd been. Tonight's date was meant to be to make up for the last one We got along pretty well and he seemed excited for the date, then no contact.....

I'll never understand (nor like) people who ghost, consider a bullet well dodged! I mean what kind of person does that, essentially treating people as disposable objects.

It tells you a lot about how they see themselves as well as others eww, in my opinion that amounts to a psychological issue. Nope don't want to be with somebody who is so pathetic that they think that way and I'd be happy to have seen his true colors before becoming more involved.

That was a low quality man who more likely than not would have caused you way more grief in the long term than he is worth I'm sure.

[ellaenchanted]

Ghosting is a newer term but this has always happened. Someone seems interested then never contacts you again. Or they do a fade out where the contact less and less until you no longer talk.

It happens but it doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Just move on to someone worth your time.

[JadeAbbott]

Originally Posted by knoxie

I'm dipping my toe back in the dating water after a year of being single and was due to have a date tonight with a guy I was talking to online/video chatted with a couple of times...I say 'was due' to have a date because...I've been ghosted! As in he has dropped off the face of the earth between making the date and now.

From googling this vanishing without explanation (affectionately termed 'ghosting') is a pretty popular thing. When did just being upfront and saying you changed your mind or met someone you like better stop being a thing?!

Btw I know life happens, but the guy concerned had kinda done it to me before. We'd been talking about making a date for a certain weekend and he disappeared....then reappeared a week or so later with a very convincing apology and excuse for where he'd been. Tonight's date was meant to be to make up for the last one We got along pretty well and he seemed excited for the date, then no contact.....

Sorry to hear that you had been ghosted on, I know from personal experience as well that it can be somewhat annoying and hard to wrap your head around. For me it was quite a blow to my self esteem. However, I do think that everyones response to these things are different. By this I mean that the guy that left me hanging does not sound half as nice as this guy you're talking to. I don't know if you have spoken to him since then but I feel like a straightforward and upfront conversation should do the trick in your situation, because as you said life happens so he could have very well been busy (doesn't mean he cant at least communicate though). However, he could very well be a turd that is ghosting in which case you have dodged a bullet. It's hard to tell, but from what I can gather from what you've said he seems like a somewhat nice person who is just bad at communicating

[Rosinante]

knoxie ~ I've been thinking about you, and wondering how you got on with the ghost.

I'd been thinking about you being brave enough to dip into online dating ~ Go Girl!! ~ and decided to do it myself. I've joined a paid for service: I can remember many years ago joining a free one but there were some very odd contacts there.

Thank you for giving me a nudge! and I hope things are good for you

[thomas090]

He is such a jerk. Sometime I just cannot understand some men.

[TeamsterGirl]

Ummmmm NOPE move on this guy is a jerk and not worth your time

[AshleyFaith]

Maybe those who ghost just want a temporary rush or attention.

[Wendiendi]

If he comes back ignore him!!