Incase you cannot tell by my posts on 3FC, I will tell you that I am a very forward person. I'm not rude for no reason, BUT if someone is rude or sassy to me or even to someone in front of me, I don't hesitate to either call them on in, or get sassy back.
However I am not oblivious to how the career world works. This type of behavior does not a supervisor make. I've had the talks with fellow coworkers and its the butt kissers that know how to take the poop rolling down hill that get promotions. Unfortunately, the better you are at pretending to like everyone, the better you will do. In my mind I see that as being fake, but its life. Now I don't mean disrupting work by not working well with others, but I am (was?) the kind of person that could do work tasks with anyone but don't expect me to have small talk with you or say hi if I don't like you. And if you were nasty to me? I was very forthcoming about your attitude, even if you were above me on the ladder.
So now that I've returned to work, I've done it with a new goal in mind. I plan to play the game, because my goal is to advance to a supervisor position myself. I do not want to do patient care as I get older, and I don't want to work weekends or holidays anymore. Basically I don't want to be a peon 20 years from now.
I already landed a pretty good position. I'm not an ahole lol. I'm a very diligent worker, with a great history, detail oriented and reliable. I do present myself very well, and my communication skills are excellent. My biggest weakness is once someone is unnecessarily rude to me, I'm nasty right back. And I know this is a career killer. But I already have my eye on some other positions in this new company (old company, new for me)
So today I was talking with my supervisor. And we were doing my schedule for the up coming weeks. She said another supervisor needed to meet with me and we "needed to work out a day to do that". So I asked her if she'd like me to contact said supervisor to work that out. And she said: No, she will call me with the day, you cannot work out a day that is good for you, she will give you a day and either you will go or you won't, "she is not scheduling a day at your convenience"...Now her reaction was just over the top and rude. All she needed to say was no, I'll let you know when she's available...her spiel was long and had an annoyed tone, like how dare I suggest that I would "work with" this supervisor on a day.
Now normally I would have said "Yeah, I'm not saying its about my convenience" and with some attitude...and I SO wanted to...but I didn't
I just said "ok". But you know what, my supervisor, who is typically nice, is really old, and she has already told me she plans to retire soon. And there are only 3 people below her, me, a full time nurse that has already told me she doesn't like this job and a part time nurse. I've looked at people's credentials and mine will actually be more advance than my supervisor come spring. I already have plans of advancing in this company, maybe even aiming for her position when she retires...
So I'm super happy for myself. I'm still a little annoyed, which is why I came here to make it a celebration instead of stewing over it for the next hour. I'm not going to be "real" with people anymore. Not at work anyway. I'm going to be a yes woman lol...and let the poop roll because I plan to get far enough up the hill that I wont get hit with too much.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 06-25-2014 at 12:32 PM.
I think that if you believe you are being fake, it will definitely come off that way. People on the job can usually spot a brown noser gunning for a promotion. Everyone can tell the difference between a coworker who asks about your children and genuinely cares vs someone faking it. I think that if you do your job well, act professionally, have the respect of the people around you and have the necessary degrees/credentials, you should eventually get that promotion.
Think of it as taking the high road, not being fake. I like to kill them with kindness or studious silence. Usually when someone is rude like that I feel sorry for them for lacking proper people skills -- but getting down and dirty WITH them is a lose-lose.
Scarlett, I'm not talking about pretending to ask about people's kids for the sake of getting a promotion. I'm talking about not telling the occasional self center pr!ck to go take a long walk off a short pier. I am not going to "pretend" to take an interest in people because I'm not pretending! I do have an interest in my coworkers, until they demonstrate to me that they are a donkey's behind, then I don't care. But the interesting part is, the kind of person that would treat their coworkers like complete crap, are the same people that don't see an interest in their lives as fake. The are typically so self absorbed that everything is me me me anyway, and they are not on the lookout for genuine friends because if they were they might start with treating others nicely.
Yes Mayolover, I have learned that people that have no issue with being rude to others, especially coworkers (people you see regularly) typically aren't going to change their ways just because I tell them they are rude. I used to think pointing it out to them would make them see that they need to take it down a notch but that never happens. So its a waste of my time. You are right that it is a lose lose situation if I say something.
Last edited by GlamourGirl827; 06-25-2014 at 04:37 PM.
Good for you, GlamourGirl. Being peaceable and being fake are two very different things, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with the former, especially at work.
I recently started my first actual job in a company, and the first thing I learned was that I had to play the game. Like you, I am generally very straightforward with people I know, but I realized fairly quickly that that could be pretty detrimental to my career. One quote that I saw recently that I really liked was, "People aren't against you, they're just for themselves" or some variation of that. At work it's really helped me deal with rude or arrogant people to the point where I can blissfully ignore any undertones in what they say, because I tell myself that there could be any number of reasons that they're being an ***, but a grand total of none of them are my problem.
Every working person has to play the game and I don't believe a single one who says they don't. I really think it's not just important but necessary to do so if we want to advance in our careers. With the rare exception of the people who are absolute wizards at their job, highly intelligent and super hard working, everyone else needs to do a bit of pandering at times (as well as occasionally silencing a sarcastic response that starts bubbling up... which it does very often with me).
I know it must have been hard to not say something, but I would have held my tongue, too. I try to let things like that slide, and save my fire for bigger issues, and always remember to carefully choose words so as to express displeasure or skepticism in a way that will be considered even-keeled and still pleasant by superiors.
My biggest weakness is once someone is unnecessarily rude to me, I'm nasty right back.
It's good to know your weakness.
In my opinion, being nasty or rude to people serves no purpose in the workplace. I don't see this as "playing the game" to get ahead. It's not professional to be rude. If they are rude to you, they are unprofessional. If you are rude in return then you are also unprofessional. In this regard I'm good. If someone is rude to me for no reason it cracks me up. I don't laugh but I'll crack a smile and give them kindness back.
Having said all of that I do have a weakness. If someone calls me a liar or questions my integrity it's hard for me to keep my cool. No idea why but it's like Back to the Future when someone calls Marty Mcfly chicken.
A quote comes to mind that when I saw it was attributed to Ghengis Khan, after many years not sure if he said it, but I still try to live by it
"once they have angered you, they have conquered you "
It's helped me tame my propensity for flying off the handle when I was younger, primarily because I cry when I get angry and that makes me even angrier that I cry.
Of course I cry when happy, sad, angry, scared, etc...sorry for getting off on a tangent...rudeness at work is unprofessional, maybe more so when provoked, they are controlling your actions, I don't like that to the point of sometimes resisting when I have to click on "submit" on the computer just me..,
In my dental office experience I agree, the fake @ss-kissers were the ones that got the annual raises because they polished the boss's already inflated ego. Even in knowing that I still refused to "play" nice if I'm surrounded by misogynistic a-holes which are plentiful in the dental field. I just can't do it. I'm not mean or rude, I just wouldn't make any small talk with anyone except the patients. I did my job well and went home. I'm an extremely reliable and competent employee and if I'm not being recognized for my efforts because I'm not stroking the doctors ego I'm outta there, which is exactly why I left dental for good last year. And the way some of the doctors talked to me!? Oh...h*ll no.
You're hopefully not dealing with and overflow of BS like I was so if you can bite your tongue that's always best. I totally get where you're coming from though.
Thankfully my new career is like being self-employed.
I hate office politics. I also know politics and appearances are how you get ahead in many workplaces. So I too play the game.
I used to be pretty volatile, not tolerating being treated unfairly or rudely, but that really got me nowhere.
Some tips, if you'll entertain them. Never react in the moment. Chances are the other person is heated up during that time. If a response is warranted, do so on your own terms later, in a calm professional matter. This is especially true for emails as well.
Also, I've found that if I try to think about why someone is treating me a certain way it helps me deal with it. For example, I work with a guy who, in my opinion, always talked down to me and was very short and terse in discussions. I discovered later that he has six kids. Everything he does in life is short, terse, and directing mode. It wasn't ME. I've been able to have better communication with him. Although annoyed still, understanding why helps me deal with it better.
After getting laid off after working for a large company for 34 years, I can attest to the following:
Like the old Kenny Rogers song, "You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away . . . .
Like the saying "You can be right or you can be loved": in a corporation, you can be right and moved down the totem pole, or you can shut up and drink the Koolaide that upper management is serving and either advance or stay where you are.
Upper management can follow the rules as they see fit. I became too familiar with the following comment from my first-line manager. "I don't agree with what they are doing/did, but I can read an org chart".
When you are angry or disagree with something, keep your mouth shut and write a draft of your thoughts/situation. Hold it least 24 hours, longer may be best. If after sufficient time/thought, then send an email or have a calm discussion.
Sorry it took me so long to get back to this thread. I get on 3FC and my time is so limited. I did start replying, then the kiddos distracted me, and well that was yesterday and so here I am again replying.
Naughty Nibbler - I agree very much with your list. I think this absolutely exists, especially in larger corporations. I'm sure it happens in smaller companies, but I've worked for both small and very large companies. I believe my previous one actually made the forbes 500 list, or something. like top places to work. Everyone in the inside knew this was bs, but anyone that complained had a target on their back, so it was only in whispers that we shared with each other how we felt. I left that company and have been happier in my work since.
Novangel - oh yes, the docs! I'm a nurse, so it goes with the territory although over the years there has been a great pushback from nursing associations that we are not to take the abuse we once took from doctors. When I was a new nurse, I definitely experienced more or the classic doctor abuse, but it seems to not be tolerated in companies anymore. Having said that, some docs are big money makers for hospitals, and there's one 2 at our local hospital that are the biggest a-holes to everyone, even the other docs think they are @sshats...but everyone (admins included) take their poop because these two egomaniac docs bring in BIG $$$ for the hospital. I don't work there anymore, but hubby does and nothing has changed. I must say, I don't mind taking someone's crap as much when I know that they are basically hated by everyone and behind their back no one really likes them. I guess I feel sorry for them that they go home at the end of the night and are lonely and hated lol...actually one time I asked another nurse "Where's Dr. Jackface?" (But I used his real name, I'm just keeping it anonymous here) Since he hadn't made rounds yet, and she goes "Probably out kicking puppies with Dr. Jerkface (but she used his real name)...hahahaha that was the best line I ever heard!!
JohnP,
I think we all have triggers. Its interesting to find where they come from. Have you ever thought why that bothers you? I know where my trigger comes from. The root of it is, I don't like people dismissing me or thinking its ok to treat me poorly. I get this reactive thought saying "I'm a human being and I don't deserve to be treated that way. You are not allowed to treat me poorly".
Thank you all. I actually had another issue the other day. I was going out in the field on a Friday so by the time I was done payroll would have been submitted and my supervisor said she would just estimate my time and if she was wrong she could adjust it next pay period. So on Monday she said to me "I told you to email me with your time and you didn't. And I said, "no you said you would estimate it and if it was wrong it could just be adjusted next pay period". And she paused and said kind of confused, "no I told you to email me the time so I could put in your time...and yeah we can adjust it next pay period..."...This made NO sense as there's no reason to adjust it next pay period if she is putting in my exact time that she claims she asked me to email in. I could tell she kind of realized she screwed up, but was unwilling to admit it. Normally I would have pressed the issue, pointing out the flaw in what she responded with but I just let it go.
Good choice regarding the time card controversy. Some things aren't worth the energy to argue about. Sometimes you have to handle management like politicians - there is a spin on everything they say, lol. I'm a fan of the logic, "avoid verbal communication" - get it in writing when you can.
Last edited by NaughtyNibbler; 07-03-2014 at 12:36 PM.
Reason: fix
Playing the game at work to get ahead...
just me.., 
