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When I was 12 years old, I took an advanced swimming class with older teenagers. One day, after class, I saw 3 teenage boys whispering, laughing and pointing at me. I was still swimming, and the next thing I knew, one of the boys pulled me under water from behind, and penetrated me vaginally with his finger.
I was scared that I was going to drown. I squirmed, kicked him as hard as I could, got out of the pool and ran home as fast as I could. I never told anyone. I couldn't identify which kid attacked me. I was also afraid that my parents would blame me or wouldn't believe me. This experience scarred me for life. I felt completely powerless and had no one to turn to.
This was so ghastly and heartbreaking to read!! what a horrible experience for a 12 year old and for you to be afraid you wouldn't be believed or that it was your fault, poor thing!! I can see how this would cling to you for life. I hope so much that some day you can be released of this.
... the second I reacted to on the spur of the moment by digging my nails into the guys arm and drawing blood as he tried to pull away.
the revengeful part of me is so glad you did that!!
but the actions of your uncle - gah!!! Is it too late to let the truth be known, would it help you? or just be too bad to deal with the family's feelings? I am sooo sorry that a FAMILY member did that to you!! I realize that I know nothing of what you've gone through, but I wonder if even writing out a letter as if you could confront him wtih it, if that would help your feelings of powerless-ness. Or read it at his funeral
Last edited by VermontMom; 03-25-2014 at 08:14 PM.
That is outrageous Holly. I'm so glad you spoke up and are looking into filing a complaint. (I want to say proud of you but that seems presumptuous for someone I don't really know. I am always impressed when any woman is able to move past the anger/fear and address it) Is this the job that is winding down for the season?
Hope today is a better day
Thank you CyndiM YES it is the job that is winding down, I have 20 days left
Quote:
Originally Posted by silverbirch
Holly, I am so angry on your behalf. Very well done for speaking out and yes, file the complaint. This behaviour is quite unacceptable and your boss is a very stupid man.
Like Cyndi asked, is this job winding down and you'll be into your summer job soon? From what I've seen over the years this winter job doesn't suit you at all. If it turns out that it's the end of this job, another door will open for you.
and very best wishes.
thank you! you and CyndiM have been sympathetic listeners to me talking about this horrid job for years now, LOL. I am a chicken about starting anything new, maybe this is the kick that I need to find a different winter job, maybe even possibly something I like??? thank you for your wishes!
We're with you though, keep us updated!!! You'll get through this!
Wannabeskinny, you gave SO much good input, I couldn't highlight it all You know, yesterday I actually was questioning myself, "am I overreacting??" ugh!
Interesting on the aspect of needing to be more clear and direct, or less clear and direct..I am frustrated that, as am employer, he is being obtuse (either deliberately or is just stubbornly ignorant) about the rules involved. I feel that I should not have to educate him on what actions he legally is supposed to follow through on. I think I want him to fail on that, so that is something else to 'pin on him' maybe.
So that has made me think...what do I want out of this?
I want ....
to hear my employer tell me what a stupid thing it was that he did, that he should have never told a customer stuff about my personal life, and that it obviously instigated the incident, and that he should have addressed it immediately instead of leaving me hanging for days to wait to hear it.
I want...
my employer to somehow be punished for the stupid, stupid act of telling the customer my personal life info that made the customer get excited and stupid and hand-sy...
I want ...my employer to somehow be punished for not doing the legal right thing, which would be telling me how he will deal with it...
I want... my employer to be told directly by some upper enforcement body that he NEEDS to have a policy in place on sexual harassment; or really any civil rights notices; we have no posters from the State or Federal gov't to that effect.
So maybe I am afraid, that if I approach him and say, 'hey, are you going to address what happened last week? What did you say to the customer? Did you tell him that it was wrong and inappropriate? What are you going to do to see that it doesn't happen again?" then aren't I telling him what legally he should be doing and letting him off the hook somewhat?? Then I am thinking that he just could so easily lie to me and say, 'Oh yeah, I followed him outside and told him what a jerk he was and to never bother you again" when I am sure that there was eye-rolling and sniggering and 'what, is it her time of month'.
I have been so upset about this maybe I'm not thinking clearly Ultimately I should only be wanting to see that the right thing is done, right? but I WANT him to be punished somehow ; I want him to see that his dumb actions have penalties!!
So sorry you had to go through that and kudos for standing up for yourself! I completely agree with the above posters, you should file a formal complaint and asap. Get yourself representation.
thank you!! i have to say that even though speaking to teh jerk customer made me all shaky afterwards, I felt GOOD that I said something!!
I'm really sorry that happened to you. I have always worked in a male dominated industry and twice have been inappropriately touched. Once by a co-worker, and once by my boss (ya, I know)- in both instances it was where they were walking past me and acted like they had to squeeze by and so they sort of ground their crotch up against my butt. It was disgusting. If it had been made a habit of, I'm sure I would have had issues, but my reaction to both of them was to just give them a look and not say anything and it never happened again. Not sure what kind of look was on my face- it's been some years so it could have been a "touch me again and I'll kill you" or a "you disgusting pig" look, not sure.
.
I am so glad it didn't happen again!! but mad that it happend at all, the pigs. I wish I could imitate what 'the look' was on your face
yes..as I've been reading alot in teh past couple days I guess I know more than him, what to do!
This is just infuriating. I'm so glad you're standing up for yourself.
Thank you
I have been imagining, how insanely full of rage I would be, if I had a daughter and this was done to her (we have 2 sons) Then that made me think of when I had been fondled on that Amtrack train. I honestly don't remember how my mother reacted..I do recall that i was with my sister, and at first we decided NOT to tell our mom or stepfather, because we were afraid that we wouldn't be allowed to travel by train anymore! Then my sister, at the last moment, blurted out what happened and I thnk that is the ONLY thing that my sister's done that I've loved her for (rocky relationship) Anyway..I don't know why I can't remember my mom's reaction? wasn't she indignant? Or maybe it was because she had a precarious relationship with my stepfather and somehow this incident would have 'made trouble'....again, blaming the victims!!
The last guy that groped me. At the time, an ex brother inlaw, saw me at happy hour and grabbed my girls, I punched him square in the face!
The dumb a## whined to my dh, he told him, exactly which short dock, he should take a long jump off of!
Do NOT tolerate this behavior, from customers, boss, relatives, or whatever!
I know, I'm a bit weird about this, and am the first to whip around and plant a fist where it will count most, but, the other party does not have any right to grab me that way, and I will never be sorry or apologize!
I would follow up on your complaint, and then I would file for unemployment on the basis that it is not a safe place to work, and you fear for your personal welfare, as your employer is not willing to do the things needed to keep employees safe!
I know these situations bite, but, someone has to stand up, and make the call. If you don't do it, it will only continue!
While you may find other employment your, di***it boss, will continue to let this go on, and others will be subjected to the same crap.
I never told, way back in the day. But many years later, when it came up.
WHOA! What a family mess.
Most likely a post left for another day.
I will tell you this, do not back off!
If while you are waiting on legal to get involved and don't feel safe, is your DH willing to come hang out? Nothing like a husband to put a damper on the dingbats!
thank you schiref for your comments! and your bravery at being a survivor..and shee-it, NO apologies EVER for punching anyone who grabs, squeezes, pinches, whatever!
I called our state's Attorney General office today..and jeez...apparently because I wasn't touched 'in a private area' (breasts, buttocks, hoo-hah) then it isn't 'severe enough' to be investigated..however it WAS inappropriate, and unwanted, and my employer has a legal obligation to ensure a safe workplace for me.
So...when I go back on Friday (my 2 days off were today and tomorrow) I WILL tell him that I tried to get it investigated by the AG's office, and he needs to address this so I don't have to have contact with that customer again.
Almost moot points because the place closes for almost 3 weeks on April 13th; then I go to my GOOD seasonal job in teh beginning of May. And I will mull over how to tell them that I won't be coming back to work for them this November...or maybe I won't tell them until the last minute, which would really screw them royally yeah...I like that one.
Thank you all who gave your comments, and support and I wish peace of some sort for those who have been scarred by this kind of s**t.
I think discussing with your boss why this was wrong and asking how he is planning on handling it in the future is a good and proactive move, and doesn't look overly vindictive or like an over-reaction, which can be useful for getting constructive changes put in place. Sometimes responding viscerally to a perceived violation is the worst thing that can happen, as it unfortunately increases the chances it will be marked off as hysteria instead of legitimate.
Being honest here - I wouldn't, however, intentionally cause a mess for your boss with the employment next season. There's no point and it just adds an element of pettiness. Pursue legal avenues if need be, certainly, but don't stoop to his level of unprofessionalism.
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 03-26-2014 at 08:01 PM.
I thank you for you input, Arctic Mama It is so true that it is really hard to discuss the specifics about this without my voice starting to rise and jeez, that sure sounds like hysteria and at that point, one isn't taken seriously.
But I guess I haven't conveyed how awful I considered his actions in this, that he intentionally told this customer my private information, just for the customer's entertainment? ...and hasn't said a word about it still. I appreciate that it is the right thing to take the high road..but I won't.
ETA: Actually, I take back my sentiments initially on this. I reread the OP and it was clearly inappropriately sexual, which I somehow missed on a first read through. I'd be more irate about that and my husband would probably physically harm both of them!
It clearly bothered you a great deal, which means saying/doing something about it is a good thing. I've just never seen vindictive actions be as satisfying to do as they are to contemplate, you know what I mean? Unforgiveness and bitterness are like swallowing poison and hoping your enemy will die - and you've had enough upset over this already! That's where I was coming from on this. I mean nothing but support but I don't think I'm conveying that very well
Last edited by Arctic Mama; 03-26-2014 at 08:45 PM.
what a horrible experience for a 12 year old 
thank you , Bill!
and very best wishes.
You know, yesterday I actually was questioning myself, "am I overreacting??" ugh! 
Ultimately I should only be wanting to see that the right thing is done, right? but I WANT him to be punished somehow ; I want him to see that his dumb actions have penalties!!
