Here's a little secret, ladies, and I'm sorry you're not going to like it but it's the absolute truth: We get the kind of men we think, in our deepest heart, we deserve. We blind ourselves to their faults. We give ourselves excuses for behavior we wouldn't accept in any other person. We blow off the lies as a memory fault not manipulation. We choose to ignore their excuses for why they didn't call back or pick up when we called, not explaining why they were hours late, why they have another woman's perfume on their clothes. We give them that power by choosing to be blind and ignorant.
I've been married more years than single now. My dear husband is a beautiful human being who is truly kind and loving, compassionate and considerate and when I was a younger woman, when I was dating my first husband, I wouldn't have given this man a second look. It took me getting fed up with ten years of being married to a lying, abusive, manipulator to acknowledge that the definition of man didn't mean macho a**hole who bullied me and our son. When I was finally able to say to myself, with complete conviction, that I deserved to be with an honest, gentle, loving man, then I met my current husband.
I was an abused child. My father was a psychotic, unpredictable, lying, emotional and physical abuser. My mother and I both got beaten and screamed at regularly for the most unpredictable of reasons. I swore I would never have a man like that in my life again, never subject my child to that ... and yet my first serious boyfriend was bipolar, most of my boyfriends after him had some major, major character flaw (mainly cheating on someone which meant they were also lying) and my first husband was a near perfect duplicate of my father in many ways (he just never beat on me and hid the fact he hit our son). Figuring out that every adult relationship I had was just a replay of my father and I, that I was choosing to be with these men, in fact pursuing them, was kind of a shock to my system but I'm not much of a believer in coincidence. There was only one unchanging variable in these relationships with men who were so different from each other, coming from different life circumstances and being a wide range of ages, and that variable was me.
Accepting that I was the one who was choosing to be with these men, and acknowledging that as an adult I deserved honesty, unconditional love and respect, something I never received as a child, freed me from the cycle of abuse.
There is so much truth in this post that I don't even know where to begin. My Father is alcoholic but otherwise we pretty much share the exact same story. Lucky for us we came to the realization that we deserve better, some women never do.
I wanted to put some input. I'm 25 and been with the same guy soon to be 8 years by this March 13. We plan to get married this August 8.
There have been many challenges and some of them borderline cheating but we always had very good communication and at the beginning if there's truth to be said, we said it. I don't believe it's anything is wrong in either the man or woman to what they do because I don't believe in good or bad decisions, only life-long needed lessons. I don't think we would have lasted this long if we didn't always talked it out and reflected on consequences and the good lessons.
Things don't just happen, they happen, just. Every outcome you experience is always and ultimately meant for you to learn from. Some may take it as a good reason to never trust again and others think of it a positive revelation to learn to love their selves more. I don't know what lesson you were meant to learn from your previous relationship but something deep down wanted another chance. This may be your new chance. Every person deserves a chance and you deserve another chance to love someone wholeheartedly.
Trust and love must be tended daily just like a plant or it will die. I suggest to make it a point to appreciate each other everyday. Don't force it, if it's meant to last it will what's important is that your happy now and your grateful to have someone. Getting hurt in life is normal, staying, living and enjoying every moment when it comes is extraordinary.
Why do so many men fool around? It's because so many need to score, that's important to them. Another notch on their bedpost. They may know that they don't want to date the woman or even talk to her again, it's a game of how many women I can bed down and this is something we women don't need to do.
Why do so many men fool around? It's because so many need to score, that's important to them. Another notch on their bedpost. They may know that they don't want to date the woman or even talk to her again, it's a game of how many women I can bed down and this is something we women don't need to do.
That may be the way boys think, but not men. I know of 2 men that have been unfaithful to their SO's- and for the same reasons. Connection, or the lack thereof and the inability to communicate.
Relationships are work. You must actively attempt to cultivate and make it grow- or it will slowly die. Communication is key, as is a willingness to tackle issues head on as opposed to not dealing with things.
The best relationships are those based on common interests, spending time together, the willingness and ability to communicate and of course mutual understanding and trust.
