[kaplods]

My husband and I have similar issues even though we have no kids and are both on disability, and technically my income is slightly greater.

I do tend to project my guilt, discomfort and ambivalence about spending money onto him.

He has been taking care of all the finances since my health and memory problems prevented me from doing so. Asking for money would start an argument, because he would ask why or even just "how much" (not meaning it to sound like an accusation, but that's how I would take it).

[shcirerf]

Money, other than sex, the biggest issue in most intimate realtionships!

My DH and I have totally different styles about money.

I'm a saver. Save to buy it. He's a borrow it, have it now, make payments. I hate payments.

We solved our issues after many years of marriage, by separating our money. He pays certain bills, I pay certain bills, what is left over, is ours to budget as we see fit.

I know, this is not for everyone, but it works for us.

I actually pay more bills than he does. Once in awhile I have to remind him of that when he whines he *thinks* he's broke.

I do think, that each spouse should have a budget amount, to be spent as they wish, your budget, depending on the amount, and with the agreement, that if something comes up, you agree to work it out.

[thesame7lbs]

Originally Posted by GlamourGirl827

However I feel guilty for spending money on things I want and don't need. This has come up before. DH assures me that its ok, but it has come up during fights...which he does retract and say that he wants me home with the kids.

....

I guess I was anticipating an issue that wasn't. DH actually said that I feel guilty, but he doesn't mind, but I confuse my guilt with his feelings....in others words I think he will not be happy with me wanting to spend money on something because I feel guilty about it..which after some thought, I kind of think is true.

I'm glad you two talked about it and figured it out!

The first part of your quote -- no fair! He can't say it's OK but then throw it in your face when you fight. Even if he retracts later, it's been said. I think it would be good for him to consider how he's really feeling.

The second part of your quote -- I do the same thing -- feel guilty because I think he will think my spending is frivolous, etc. Of course, given part one of your quote, you may be right!

I've been home with the kids for 10 years, some leaner, some more flush. I've found that communicating with my husband, asking how he feels, telling him how I feel, always helps, but for me, this situation is always somewhat present.