I forgot to mention one thing he said last night that under the circumstances seemed a bit odd. I told him I'm afraid of losing him, and that I'm worried sometimes that I will scare him away. He said, "you haven't scared me away yet, so you're not going to.' So, here he is making it sound like he's so in this for the long hall... but doesn't know if he loves me or not? The ex who he also was unsure of if he loved her was his first serious girlfriend, and he considered proposing to her. Idk... having only been in two relationships yes he's inexperienced, but that's no an excuse in my opinion. And two weeks from now we are supposed to take this trip together... I have to go, I'm in the wedding. I'm not really sure how to handle that either...

Wow! You've been given some really good advice here. Who needs counselors when you have 3fatchicks!

My best girlfriend told me something in college that I've never forgotten. "If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, it's a duck. People will tell you who they are if you listen." I hate to be blunt, but this guy doesn't love you. He enjoys your company, the sex, etc. But, he doesn't love you, and he told you so.

If LOVE is important to you, then you should move on. I don't know how old you are, but life is too short to give all of your love and time to someone who doesn't love you back.

There's some good advice here. Read through it again, and do some heart searching. I think you know what to do.

PS If you break up before the wedding, you'll be all dressed up and on display and SINGLE -- give him an eyeful of what he missed out on!

Now you're grasping at straws. No, this does not sound like he's in it for the long haul. This sound properly non-committal, and like an attempt to soothe you enough to get you to stop thinking about how the relationship isn't a good one.

Amen, MauiKai. You've given some great advice here. Do you have sisters and daughters? I hope so, because they have a wonderful resource at hand! I'm going to remember that you're so savvy about relationships -- just for future reference!

Ha, then perhaps I should start my own advice column "Dear Maui"

I wasn't trying to grasp for straws. I wasn't clinging to that comment for assurance. I just thought it was a weird thing to say in that context.

Honestly, I think it was just a stop loss. Men often use these vague one liners to avoid a deeper/more unpleasant/emotional event from occurring. I just mean for you to understand that it doesn't necessarily mean he's thinking long term. I'd hate to see you use this as "hope" only to have him say to you, like he did the last girl, that after it was all over he "didn't really feel anything" after all.

This sounds to me like he's afraid of losing you -- that he might scare you off. So, he told you what he thought you wanted to hear...that he's not scared, that he's not going anywhere. I think he meant to reassure you because he could feel that you might be the one getting scared.

Also, why would you think you'd scare him off? That you'd love him too much? I don't think you could love someone who loved you back too much.

Sleep on this. You really need some emotional distance from how you're feeling right now to see this clearly. Of course, only you know the real situation, but from what you have said, I know I wouldn't be happy in this relationship.

You could do as you mentioned earlier. Go on the trip for the wedding and if things still seem to be the same tell him you need time apart so you both can decide if this is what you want long term.

At this point, probably the best option. If he does, by some chance, actually love you, losing you for awhile might kick him in the pants to do something about it.

So... last night as soon as I got home I called him on Skype. I really wish this conversation could have been face to face, but I had to make due with what was available.

I had all day at work to think about this... (it sucks having a "thinking job" sometimes. But it gave me all this time to process things...

I gave him fair warning also, I texted him about an hour before I got home and asked if we could skype later. He told me that would be fine, and I told him I was digesting a lot of what he said the night before and we had to talk.

So... this conversation lasted about 4 hours. A lot of tears were shed on both sides. I started out by telling him I feel hurt and angry and scared and confused over the fact that after over a year together he still doesn't know if he loves me or not. I said that puts me in a really unfair place and makes me feel like I've just been used and strung along for the last year and two months. I said if all he wanted was a f buddy he could have just said that in the beginning and we could have just been that. I said I feel like all I am to him is a weekend activity partner and a f buddy. And I finished by saying all day long I've been considering breaking up with him. (All this was true.)

There was a long awkward silence after that. I kind of expected that... I mean, I had all day to rehearse what I was going to say, he had no real time to prepare.

He finally told me he was scared. I asked him what of. He said he was scared of breaking up, and scared of hurting me any more then he already has, but mostly scared of telling me how he really feels about me because once he told his ex how he felt about her the relationship pretty much went sour after that. He said it was like once she knew he was in love with her she knew she could pretty much get away with anything, so she just started treating him like crap and he just took it, until she finally dumped him to sleep with someone else.

This was a little bit relieving... but it also made me pretty mad too. Why should I be punished for what his ex did to him? I shouldn't, and I told him that. He worshiped the ground she walked on, he was even considering proposing to her, and she treated him really bad. I would never treat him that way, but I'm the one suffering over what she did to him. That pisses me off.

He always talks about how he is so good at empathizing with other people and seeing things from the other perspective. Last night I told him he should use some of those empathy skills and try seeing this from my perspective. I used the analogy of my cheating ex. I asked him how he would feel if I constantly accused him of cheating on me and my only reason was "Well, my ex did, so you will too."

He started crying... he told me that looking at it from my perspective he would be devastated and he is mad at himself for doing this to me.

He said he doesn't want to end the relationship, but he also doesn't want to hurt me anymore because the thought of me being in pain is "gut wrenching" and he can't handle that.

So... in the end, we decided we are going to try to work things out. It seems to me like he may really love me and is just afraid of saying it because he doesn't want to jinx things. I don't know... I am still pretty shaken up and have been crying a lot today. I didn't really sleep well last night either.

So, that's what happened...

I really hope it works out for you both. I sincerely hope he makes some big changes so that you get the treatment you deserve.

That doesn't mean he's in this for the long haul. If he doesn't love you, then he's not in it for the long haul. And if he loved you, he'd know it. When someone says they don't know if they love you, it means they don't but don't want to sound mean. This is just his way of saying if he leaves it will be on his own terms and for his own reasons and not just because you cried or something.

DazeGypsy...I really hope it works out for you.

I have to be honest - my radar is going off even more at this point, after your conversation with him. Take care of yourself. Focus on yourself and trust yourself.

What would happen if you decided to take a break from him for a while so that he could sort through his feelings alone? The time away could help him see you through a distant lens and help him to realize what he really wants. Only fear could keep you both from trying this option, and fear should not be the motivating factor in keeping a relationship together.

Just my 2 cents. Hope you both work everything out. :-)

I have to be honest - my radar is going off even more at this point, after your conversation with him. Take care of yourself. Focus on yourself and trust yourself.

Yes, mine is too, but to be fair we weren't there either. Gypsy, that last sentence is key. Trust yourself. If at any time you are not getting what you need in your relationship, be sure to ask for it and be ready to move on or be able to live with it if it looks like he can't or won't deliver. Best of luck to you. Hugs.