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Old 07-11-2009, 01:51 PM   #1  
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Default Lost in limbo

Does anyone else ever feel lost in limbo in the middle of all of this?

I'm not as big as I was, which is great and I'm thankful, but I'm nowhere near where I want to be - not as fat, but still fat. My clothes are too big, but not so big that I need smaller ones, so they just kind of hang on me reminding me of where I started. I'm starting to feel better about myself, but then I catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror and all I can see if how far I have to go. Or I am having a day where I feel like I look good only to have my path crossed by a girl who looks like a swimsuit model (I live in coastal Southern CA. They are everywhere. ) and I suddenly feel like a giant mess. I'm restless to be smaller and yet I know losing any faster than I already am probably wouldn't be good for me. I just feel trapped, restless, and antsy rather than elated at having made good progress.

I was just wondering if I am the only one who feels (or felt) like this and if so, do you just ride it out? Or do you find a way to reconcile your feelings?
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Old 07-11-2009, 02:01 PM   #2  
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I hear you! I have lost about 45 lbs so far. I feel much better than I did, and get noticed everywhere by people that see a huge difference. But, I still can't fit into the cute clothes, still feel uncomfortable at the beach, still need to lose about 50 more. But I ask myself this: even if it takes me two years to lose the weight, in two years do I want to be thin, or do I still want to be fat? And I keep plugging away, as slow as it may be.
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Old 07-11-2009, 02:20 PM   #3  
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The "MAN I've been doing this FOREVER and LOOK HOW FAR I HAVE TO GO and what's the POINT and THIS IS USELESS and I'LL NEVER GET THERE and I know I've made progress but ENOUGH already..."

I've SO been there. What I did was to try something PHYSICAL that was completely out of my normal comfort zone. Something that I'd never, ever have considered when I was bigger. And I found that this helped connect my brain to my new body, and reinforced exactly WHY I was doing what I was doing and exactly HOW FAR I'D COME. Because if we do the same thing day after day, it becomes hard to really "assess" how far we've really come.

Like, if you do the elliptical on day 1 and are on it 6 months later, you will notice that you are faster or need to work harder, but you still break the same "sweat" so to speak. And you wonder how far you've really come?

If you PICK something really "out there" for you and DO it, you'll rediscover the fun you can have with the new body you are in. And you'll be anxious to go further because you see the new opportunities open to you. And I think something physical is necessary, just so that your body can prove to you that it is stronger, healthier, and happier now and so that it can thank you for taking good care of it.

Maybe you haven't been on a bike. Or won't take an Aquafit class. Or have been eyeing that Step class at the gym but are afraid to try. SOMETHING. It doesn't matter what it is. But just busting out of that BOX that you live in (that we ALL create for ourselves) is just the ticket...

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Old 07-11-2009, 03:22 PM   #4  
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Ah, more timely and refreshing words from Kira

What she said. The best way to break an emotional plateau is do something that forces you to appreciate your new body, be it a makeover, shopping trip, amusement park ride or new exercise... You need something to excite you again.
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Old 07-11-2009, 03:28 PM   #5  
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I totally know what you mean. I feel like losing the 35 pounds was so huge, but knowing that it's not even half of what I need to lose is so depressing. I feel so much better, but still so much worse. I buy clothes that fit or almost fit, have clothes that used to fit before I gained so much, have clothes that were the only ones that fit when I was 250... My drawers are overflowing.

I haven't made any progress in over a month now. After upping my calories, lowering my calories, exercising more, exercising less, trying to be more relaxed then being more strict. I feel like if I ever do lose the rest of this weight it will take my whole life. What am I doing wrong?
I don't want to gain back, I promised myself I will never see those numbers again, unless I'm pregnant and go up temporarily...

Sigh, Can't we just be proud of ourselves?

You've done amazing, you should be proud, I hope you are.
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Old 07-11-2009, 03:36 PM   #6  
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I am so there...... One day I feel "hot" and the very next day I feel like I am sooo big! But, I just started a thread I am sticking to....... I am using today, my bday to re focus on ME and make me the happiest/healthiest person that I can be! I am putting myself first and my family, but other than that....... no one is going to take up space in my life that will put my goal of being on the back burner!
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Old 07-11-2009, 07:49 PM   #7  
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I was just having this conversation today with my boyfriend. I had lost a bunch of weight and was 3 lbs from finally, for the first time in years, being below 200. Then a vacation, a new stressful job, and other excuses saw me gaining all that lost weight back and then some.

Now, I'm back on plan and really feel that I have all the tools, both mentality and physically, to see my goal become a reality. However, it doesn't matter that I finally "got it" because this weight of mine that came on so fast, is going to come off so much slower. I can't wish it off, so I'm forced to just keep sticking to my plan day in day out.

I know that if we don't give up we will be able to join the ranks of Robin, Lori, Meg, and all the others. We will have our pics posted in the goal sections and people will call us an inspiration. We just can't EVER give up!!
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Old 07-12-2009, 09:00 AM   #8  
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YES!!! Omg, I have been so totally feeling like this lately!
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Old 07-12-2009, 09:30 AM   #9  
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I so clearly remember feeling this way when I was losing. It just seemed like an insurmountable mountain to lose 120+ pounds. I had never lost or kept off any significant amount of weight in my life. I didn't even know anyone who had. What was the point of trying?

One thing that helped me was telling myself over and over again: you gotta believe. And what that meant to me was that I had to have faith and trust that there was a reward at the end of all the hard work. That breaking out of my comfort zone, of saying no a thousand times, of totally turning my life upside down and changing everything, of pushing myself harder and further than I ever dreamed possible -- would be worth it in the end.

At times it was scary because I had no idea where I was heading, never having been a normal weight in my entire life. It was like being in limbo, having given up the life I knew in hopes of something better. Who was I? I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror!

A friend who successfully lost and kept off over 100 pounds once said to me: having to lose 100+ pounds is like having to move a mountain with a cup and teaspoon. It seems impossible at first. But if we work at it, every day, bit by bit, we WILL move that mountain. Pita's right -- the only way any of us will fail to reach our goals is to stop before we get there.

You gotta believe. There IS something waiting for you that's worth every bit of time, sweat, effort, and self-discipline that it takes to get there. A million times over!
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Old 07-12-2009, 12:58 PM   #10  
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so funny, I was just feeling this very thing. I'm glad I come here to read.

I've made progress, I look and feel so much better. Still, I have a ways to go and get dang tired of seeing all the excess weight on my body.

I was talking about it to bf this morning, and he said think of all the walking we did Friday and last weekend, and how much you've changed. which is all true. I did kind of what Kira suggested (bright lady), and we walked to downtown Brooklyn last weekend, then Friday across the Brooklyn Bridge and back. it was a new challenge for me physically, and very cool that I could do that much walking and feel fine afterwards.

yes, sometimes it really does feel like using a spoon to move a mountain! I'm not sorry I'm doing it, it feels great to make the changes. takes a certain zen mindset to keep the faith and patience, doesn't it.
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Old 07-12-2009, 01:12 PM   #11  
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I hear and understand you. That`s exactly why I was never able to stick to something so far. I`m starting to see the rewards in the mirrow now, faintly, but while my clothes have been loser for a while, others don`t notice.

Do you measure yourself? I do and although I am plateau-ing since 5 weeks, it morivates me to know where the weight has gone - luckily, that`s wehre I most needed to lose it which is much more motivating than the number on the scales, which is lower than it was 2 months ago, but has not changed for a while now.

Although you feel you do not need them yet, maybe you want to consider buying yourself a new outfit which is not too large but fits exactly. I guess when you start wearing a smaller size you see the difference, and others will probably too!
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Old 07-12-2009, 02:00 PM   #12  
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Originally Posted by Meg View Post
A friend who successfully lost and kept off over 100 pounds once said to me: having to lose 100+ pounds is like having to move a mountain with a cup and teaspoon. It seems impossible at first. But if we work at it, every day, bit by bit, we WILL move that mountain. Pita's right -- the only way any of us will fail to reach our goals is to stop before we get there.
That's the feeling! Like I've been moving this mountain with a teacup and no matter how much work I do, I turn around and there is still two-thirds of a mountain staring down at me.

I don't feel like quitting right now, but if I'm being honest, I do have a quitter's mentality - if I'm not really good at something right out of the gate or if I reach a point of comfort and think "it's fine right here, I don't need to go any farther..." I'm liable to consciously stop. I'm not good at finishing what I start, from little things like a home improvement project to big things like losing all my excess weight. I think I'm afraid of whatever it is not being right when I'm done. And in the case of losing weight, it's ME not being right.

It's such a ridiculous mindset, perfectionism. I always have been very successful at school and at work because my fear of not being perfect was outweighed by my fear of not getting approval from others (professors, bosses, coworkers). I'm just so tired of being afraid. Of valuing others' opinions of me above my own. Of not being able to just be happy with who I am whatever I happen to look like at the time.

You all are so helpful!! Quitting was the furthest thing from my mind when I wrote this. But you're right to assume that's what I am feeling. I can see that what I'm doing is laying the groundwork for making it okay to quit sometime in the future. I can hear me now: all this work and I don't feel different, all this work and I still don't feel right, all this work and I still don't look like some random girl walking down the street. Gah! It's so destructive and irrational!

I DO have to believe. I need to learn how to believe in myself and be happy with myself and who I am no matter what. My inner critic rules my thoughts and is very good at pointing out what's not right about I me. I have a lot more work to do on my self-esteem - and here I thought it was getting better! But I think in many ways I have been waiting for the weight loss to fix it for me. And that is a dangerous thing to expect.

Growth hurts, does it not? This whole journey is about so much more than what I eat. Thank you all for getting me thinking about this in a different way!!

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Old 07-12-2009, 02:46 PM   #13  
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I feel like that lately because the scale moved the wrong way last week and tape measure didn't move at all. From eating low calorie for 5 days out of 7 and daring to eat brats and a steak the other two days. ARRG. I've got the scale creeping back down at a slow as molasses pace now and I'm praying for a decrease on the tape measure tomorrow.

It's also frustrating to never be able to eat many foods I love for fear of seeing a temporary stall in the weight loss. Or worse yet, a temporary increase. And yes, I know there will be "fluctuations", I just don't deal well with them and want to choke the next person that uses that worn out phrase.

I know there's a light at the end of the tunnel but DAMN that's a LOOOONG tunnel! I understand that this will take a LONG time to shed the 180 pounds of fat I allowed myself to gain and I'm happy I only have 129.4 more pounds of fat to lose. But yes, I feel stuck in limbo. I don't feel like ME yet. And all the words in the world won't change that.

My fattest clothes don't fit. They're too big. But not so big that I can justify spending money I don't have on a smaller size of fat clothes. And yes, seeing all the thin pretty girls makes me jealous as **** and yes, I compare myself to them. Yep, in limbo.

I take a nap to reset my attitude if I'm having a really bad day and/or exercise a little harder in an attempt to speed things up.

And when I'm feeling like this, I try to avoid well meaning people who'll use the phrases I hate the most:
"Look how well you've done so far!" (Yea but look how much I STILL need to lose dummy!)
"It's a normal fluctuation, don't worry." (Yea well you'll worry ALOT when I cram my size 6 1/2 up your rear. Sideways.)
And let's not forget the oh so charming "It's just a number. You lost .2 this week. You didn't GAIN. You're doing well !!! (Ok jackass, let me forcefeed you til you gain 100 pounds and see if YOU'RE content with losing .2 or not gaining in a week after eating "clean" and busting your fat a$$ at the gym 5+ days per week!)
Sometimes well meaning folks just need to learn to say nothing more than "Yes, that sucks. Keep working on it." And then let it go.
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Old 07-12-2009, 03:49 PM   #14  
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I remember a time when I had lost about 50 lbs, everyone was beginning to notice my weight loss, my clothes were getting bigger, I had increased mobility... and then one night I just started SOBBING and while crying to my husband said "I just want to be DONE now." Not that I wanted to quit... I just wanted to be done. I had done SO MUCH WORK already that still had 175 pounds to lose!

I got past that time... but there have been many times during my journey where I have hit that emotional plateau where it just seems so HARD and like so much MORE work. It's like okay. I know how to eat. Just zap me to goal and we'll be good.

How did I get past that? I shook things up a bit. Changed my exercise, went and bought a nice shirt and pair of pants. Bought smaller underwear!!! Picked up some yummy exotic fruit or found a new cereal. Just small things to make the journey seem new and exciting again. If you've been eating cereal/milk/banana for breakfast every day then try toast/peanut butter/apple for a bit... just SOMETHING to break the boredom.

I know how you feel. I still periodically feel that way. You will get past it.

*big hugs*
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