Not happy about a friend's weight loss - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

NYFLAgirl · 08-12-2013, 12:59 PM

I'm a little frustrated by a conversation I just had with my friend and needed to vent.

My friend and I have always been pretty competitive and while I know she's happy for me and my weight loss, she has made comments to me that are rooted in complete jealousy over my weight loss. For me, this is a complete lifestyle change. She has never taken that outlook. In fact, she thinks dieting and exercise is stupid and has never stuck to either. When I tried to help her in the past she simply laughs off my suggestions as stupid or too hard.

Her latest attempt at weight loss are these diet pills (I believe there called Phentabs or something like that). In four days she has lost 13 lbs and she plans on taking these until she loses all of her weight (she wants to lose 70 lbs). When I asked her about changing her eating habits and exercising (we both joined a new gym-I still go and she only went three times) she said she doesn't plan on doing either. She then said to me "I'm gonna catch up to you (meaning my weight loss) in no time!" This comment really bothered. Frankly, the whole conversation bothered me.

I'm happy that she wants to lose weight but I think what bothers me is that she makes comparisions to our weight loss as if they are somehow equal. They are not. Anyone can take pills to lose weight. I'm working hard-damn hard to change my life. But a part of me is still bothered that in four days she can lose 13 lbs (even though its obviously water weight) and that she will probably lose a good portion of her weight with these pills. I also know its not sustainable. She has lost weight before taking diet pills, obviously not being able to keep it off. So if I know all of these things then why am I so mad about it? I want to chalk it up to sometimes being tired of eating right and exercising but there seems to be more to it. Any of my other friends that have lost weight I've been happy for-but her methods seems to really bother me. Ugh it's so frustrating!

nitrus29 · 08-12-2013, 01:13 PM

first off

!!

you are working really hard and you are on the right track to getting to your goal. you are only mad because your friend is taking short cuts and it can be frustrating NOT to see results as quickly as your friend might. But you know you are right and your friend is not-so-right with the applied weight loss method. Just remember - you are doing it to make yourself healthy and you cannot resort to popping pills all your life to stay thin !! If you keep making the lifestyle changes you are making right now, it will be worth it once you reach goal because you won't backslide. your friend on the other hand, well you know what happened before!

so take a deep breath, hang in there and keep doing what you are doing. there are no short cuts to weight loss. it is a slow and dedicated process and you are doing great!!

BleuMaus · 08-12-2013, 01:14 PM

I know how frustrating it can be. Here you are working hard to change your life and your bad habits and she thinks its SO easy to just lose weight.

I had the same problem with my mother-in-law who dropped 70 lbs and thought it was a good idea to preach to me how overweight I was and how I should do it. Well she gained back all of her weight that she lost (she was on some meal plan) because when she went back to eating normal unpackaged or processed foods she blew up. I, on the other hand, had been steadily losing on my "diet plan"... move more, eat less.

I never mention my weight loss to anyone, I hate brining it up because opinions are like *******s, everyone has one. And everyone wants to give you "tips and short cuts" where we know there is no such thing as a short cut.

Hang in there sweetheart.

Amy Remixed · 08-12-2013, 01:16 PM

I hate it when people are proud of themselves for losing weight on fad diets, pills or unfortunate circumstances. For example, I knew a girl who had a tapeworm and part of her intestines had to be removed. Because of that ordeal she dropped 50 pounds. She was so proud of herself! But she continued with her poor diet choices and lack of exercise. She put it all back and then some. That's what you get for eating salad dressing like it's soup.

Just last week my Mom told me that she lost 15 pounds. How is that possible after being bed ridden and eating crap?! She was going off the difference between her doctor's scale and her home scale. Plus she moved her scale from tile to carpeting. She said to me "I don't know why you're eating vegetables and exercising. You should be like me." I didn't say it to her but the reason I am doing it is so that I don't wind up like her. 240 pounds, lazy and not leaving the bedroom.

Be strong in the knowledge that you are taking the correct route. In time she will put the weight back on and you will be a healthier weight. Just remember not to gloat.

NYFLAgirl · 08-12-2013, 01:25 PM

Wow Amy-what your mom said is verbatim what my friend has said to me before! She really thinks my choice of eating healthy and exercising is stupid. She has actually said this to me before and that I should just do what she does.

fairandfree · 08-12-2013, 01:40 PM

I can see how this is so frustrating... I know it would bother me the same way. But she'll see in time that her fad diet pills and her shortcuts aren't going to last, whereas YOU are doing this the right thing and YOUR loss will. Even if doing it the right way means doing it the hard, slow way. That's still the loss that's going to count.

Maybe one day she will see that you are doing this the right way and may try and be less competitive with you and maybe inspired. One can hope!

Good luck in dealing with her *supportive hugs!*, and try try try not to let what she says get to you.

Strawberryblush · 08-12-2013, 02:23 PM

Hey girl - don't let it get to you. It's a normal thing for women to compete with each other but we have to break that mold. You just keep focusing on YOU and ignore everything else around you. This is only about YOU vs. YOU!

Back before I got healthy I tried horrible pills like that and cut calories dangerously - I knew better but life had been really rough as I had just gone through my 9 year old daughter and husband both having life saving surgeries within 3 months of each other. I was mentally exhausted and thought there would be a quick fix. I knew better but we all have had those low moments. You are right, there are no quick fixes and hard work and eating right are the only way to get results, keep them and not kill your liver. Hang in there!!

PaleoPeanut · 08-12-2013, 02:50 PM

Don't let her envy, negativity, and laziness throw you off the path that you're on. You are on the right path, no doubt.

Be patient. Give it time and wait for her to fall of this bandwagon with this latest get skinny quick scheme. She'll be back at square one in no time and you'll still be on the road toward your weigh loss goal.

ShyHeather · 08-12-2013, 06:33 PM

Oh my. First, try not to let it bother you too much. You are doing this the right way, and in doing so, you will be healthy throughout.

Second, your friend really needs to think about this. She is ruining her health. Sure, she might lose the weight, but what about the unseen damage going on in her body?? She could start to experience GI bleeding, or be damaging her heart or other vital organs.

I made one mistake, I tried that SlimQuick stuff aimed at women. All was fine and dandy for like 2 days and then, BAM. I started getting sick. I was bleeding internally and had to stop taking the stuff. Lesson learned.

Be there for your friend, but warn that anything that works like magic always comes with a price.

NYFLAgirl · 08-12-2013, 06:43 PM

Thanks everyone for your advice. I thought about it and I'm going to support my friend and not let it bother me. I know her method will be a phase and not last while I'm taking the necessary changes to improve my life. It's hard not letting it bother me but I just have to do it.

Smiling_Sara · 08-14-2013, 10:06 AM

I can understand how that would be frustrating. Don't let her deter you. You know how you are doing things are the right way of doing this journey.

Just let her do this:

or in another words.....just let her be right. I've done that before with people I knew or truly believed were wrong.....and just to end the argument say "OK....you're right" Some ppl need to "right" even when they are wrong. Do just let them be "right"

MauiKai · 08-14-2013, 10:32 AM

I've had a similar experience with my MIL. She's almost a foot shorter than me, and weighs 9 or 10lbs less than me, and she sometimes will act like she thinks that means she's superior

I hate that.

Your friend won't be successful. There is really only one way to be successful, and that is a lifestyle change like you are doing.

kaplods · 08-14-2013, 11:11 AM

Why does weight loss have to be so competitive? Why do we need to compare and rate what we lose and how we lose it? Why can't we leave everyone to work through their weight loss, without judging, comparing, and rating the effort or moral character of the person working at weight loss, no matter what tools they're trying to use.

While almost anyone can take pills or have surgery, anyone can diet and exercise (sensibly or foolishly).

No matter what tools you use, weight loss is hard, they're not even always different degrees of hard. Sometimes they're just different types of hard.

Until "this time," my most successful weight loss was 70 lbs over the course of two years (from ages 14 to 16) with prescription diet pills.

The effort wasn't really any "easier" than it is now, and in some ways it was much harder. I blamed the failure on the pills when I regained, but I was lying to myself. I didn't regain because I took the "easy way out" or because I didn't learn to eat sensibly and resist hunger. I failed because I stopped applying what I was learning.

Phentabz are a non-prescription product, which means the appetite suppressing effects are going to be mild and temporary. As far as weight loss tools, she's got a garden shovel, not bulldozer. Cut the girl some slack.

You don't have to be unhappy for or jealous of your friend to be happy for yourself.

She may or may not succeed, she may or may not be working as hard as you. She may even be working harder. You'll never know because you cannot walk a mile in her shoes or spend a minute with her brain and body.

Her weight loss journey isn't the same as yours, but that doesn't make it better or worse, easier or harder. It only makes it different.

For your own sake and hers, learn to give up the competition, so you can be a support to each other on your journeys, whichever tools you use to get to where you each want to be.

You and she have the opportunity to be the best tools either of you could ever find. Don't let jealousy and envy rob you of those tools.

ChickieBoom · 08-14-2013, 12:04 PM

I'd be lying if I said that I hadn't tried weight loss pills, the cabbage soup diet, the master cleanse, appetite suppresants, slim fast...you name it. I wanted the weight off quick. None of those things worked for me but I would have been perfectly happy if they had. I've gone the low carb route this time and that's working for me. I make the sacrifices so I reap the rewards. Your friend will have to deal with the consequences of her choices so I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. If this works for her...great. If it doesn't, that's on her too.

MAK247 · 08-14-2013, 02:11 PM

Why not put a positive spin on it? Use her competitive attitude to motivate you to keep going.

I will admit part of why I started losing weight in the first place was watching a coworker drop massive weight (through very unhealthy means, mind you) and I didn't want to be 'the fat one' at work.

Since then, my attitude and motivation has changed, though I still try to motivate myself by being competitive. I have a friend who started out at a lower weight than me and I keep telling her to stop losing weight so I can catch up and we can have a fair competition.