This Morning's Emotional Rollercoaster
Feeling a little bummed right now, and I need to share somehow.
A little background; I really want to have a baby. So bad. But there are a lot of things right now that make the timing not right. First of all my weight/health. I at least want to FEEL healthy before I bring a baby into the world. Also, we are looking to move pretty soon and that will put a gap in my health insurance, so definitely not a good time to get pregnant. I even talked to my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago about how, while I still really really really want a baby, I also kind of want to wait at least another year to start trying to get a few more of my yayas out. He understood and it was good to talk to him about it. I have an IUD for birth control, so we figure we are good until we make an actual decision.
Well, today, I'm just not feeling so good. It started yesterday. I felt tired and yucky. This morning things were tasting weird, and I even threw up (ug). I texted my boyfriend and told him, and I mentioned that it was weird because I just wasn't feeling super sick...just off. And he wrote back asking if I think I should take a test.
Whoa, hadn't even thought of that. But as soon as I did I was just flooded with all these different kinds of emotions. And even though the first paragraph of this post is true, and I want to wait a while to have a baby, I still got that glimmer of hope and excitement, where I secretly thought to myself 'maybe I am pregnant!'.
Long story short, I went to the drugstore at lunch and got a test, and it was negative.
And now...well, I don't know...maybe other women can understand. I just feel sad. It is all so confusing sometimes. I wish I didn't care about WHEN I had a baby, but I also need to be an adult. Not to mention, I really do want to get in shape before hand. But I couldn't help but daydream for a little bit on my way to the drugstore about being pregnant and having a baby.
Sigh...I know it will get here some day, the right day.
Thanks for listening.
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