Understanding sexuality and romance help (I'm 17)?
Okay you know that boy I'm going to see the Great Gatsby with Saturday? ....I may or may not like him and I think he might like me... I think I might be romantically attracted to him. But not sexually (Then again my dieting has KILLED my sex drive). If it does turn out he like likes me. I'm not gonna ask (I know him well enough to know if he does EVENTUALLY he'll tell ME) but should I date him. I'm so confused. I really like him but not sexually which is a big part of love and having children and all that which I really want. But again dieting has killed my sex drive (being 17 I used to have a huge one). What do you all think? Should I give it a try and see where it leads? Also I've never been in a serious relationship before and that is what we are both looking for....
Last edited by wolfgirl69; 05-07-2013 at 04:03 PM.
My advice...as a married 38 year old guy...is when you meet the one, you KNOW IT'S THE ONE! It will knock you on the floor and you can't keep them out of your head.
This is a guy's perspective. But a lifetime partner should quite literally floor you, sex drive or not.
And your's is just a date. See how it goes. You don't commit to marriage and kids on a first, second or eleventh date!
So give it time! If you don't like him after the date or the next one or the eleventh one, dump him and wait for the next.
Don't settle for second best. It will come back to haunt you.
You're over thinking it. You didn't even mention anything about a second date before you started talking about sexual appeal.
Sexual appeal isn't just physical, it's mental and emotional. I have fallen more in love with my BF since our first date over 3 years ago, and that's what drives my sexual appeal for him.
Firstly you're VERY young. you might not meet the one or even know the one until you're in your mid 20s. Sometimes it does work, as I am now 23 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 16; 6.5 years and counting. And I KNOW he's the one.
That said, I don't see the problem with casually dating given you're both aware of how you feel. You can't lie or even "fib" about feelings because you think it "might" work. If it's going to work, it's going to happen. If it's not meant to be, well then it won't. Sounds simple and I personally think thats where so many people go wrong is they make it so difficult and so hard to find someone. Generally people find someone without even looking. Do I think you should see how it goes with this guy? Of course, you're young. Have fun (without anybodys feelings getting too hurt). But don't think that you have to start thinking about marriage and kids and even sex for that matter. Go be young and have fun.
I wouldn't change anything about my past with my boyfriend and how we did things. HOWEVER, one thing I wish I did do, was more things for ME. I was so concerned about impressing him and making him happy. It took me about 4 years to realise that, being ME makes him happy. Not spending money, or going out or sex.
Knowing somebody as a friend and knowing them as a partner are two different things; two different personalities. And I personally think that with time, maybe you WILL be attracted to him in all ways. If not, then clearly you'd need to either re-evaluate, or move on.
I can't stress it enough. YOU'RE YOUNG. I know it's fun and it's liberating. But there is so many people in this world you haven't even met yet. Let all of this be FUN for YOU.
Good Luck
EDIT: Not to be offensive by any means, but you haven't had a serious relationship, you're 17 and you don't quite understand sexuality. Given your age, if you don't quite get it, you shouldn't be having it. Again thats with no offense, it is just what I MYSELF was told, at your age by those older to me and who cared enough to say.
Last edited by Remington90; 05-07-2013 at 04:19 PM.
Make sure he's a guy who gives you butterflies in your stomach every time you see him. I have been with my husband almost 19 years (gasp!) and the mere thought of him picking me somewhere (like at work or a friends house) absolutely gets me so excited anticipating seeing him, holding his hand while he's driving, gazing at him while stopped at a red light. Finding him in a crowd knowing he's all mine and no one else's is the most secure, loving feeling ever!
Don't worry about the sexual feelings right now as none of that will matter if you don't get the butterflies.
And I would have thought someone was bat-bleep crazy if they told me 19 years ago that I'd still be excited to see him all the time now. (We have our tough and rough moments, trust me.) But at the end of the day, we are a team and we got each other's back. He's my best friend in the whole wide world and I *LOVE* it!! Don't sell yourself short, ever!
Last edited by elvislover324; 05-07-2013 at 04:22 PM.
My advice...as a married 38 year old guy...is when you meet the one, you KNOW IT'S THE ONE! It will knock you on the floor and you can't keep them out of your head.
Not always! I knew my current boyfriend of 4 years before we started dating and actually despised the guy when I first met him! LOL
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I agree with PreciousMissy though, you are a bit overthinking it. Give yourself the time to have your first date with the guy before and see how it works out. Go out and have fun! It is all that matter right now!
Ah, to be 17 again! (I’m not making fun of your feelings, just reminiscing)
If I were you I’d go on a few dates and see how it goes. If the two of you like each other and enjoy each other’s company I don’t see the harm in spending time together. Whether romance or a sexual relationship develops, only time will tell. Have fun while you can! Even if you’re looking for a “boyfriend” or “serious relationship” you won’t know until you try. Nothing ventured nothing gained!
If it turns out you aren’t into him, that’s ok too. Just let him down gently, or let things fizzle out on their own.
Thank you so much everyone!! As you were responding I have been thinking. And this is something I realized I do a lot. I get vulnerable to the idea of romance and relationships because I have had almost no contact from people other than family in so many years and that creates this desperation in me to fill that void. I mistook a close friendship for romance. ugh. It makes me confused. I get those emotions mixed up. I don't think I like him that way. he's just a really good friend. Also I am gay/lesbian and have been out of the closet for a long time now. I just get confused sometimes. I just wish this void would go away Maybe hanging out with him more will help? (I never see him)
I'm gonna wait till I find the right girl for me no matter how long it may take! I need to be patient!
Last edited by wolfgirl69; 05-07-2013 at 05:18 PM.
Also I am gay/lesbian and have been out of the closet for a long time now.
I'm gonna wait till I find the right girl for me no matter how long it may take! I need to be patient!
I think this might be (more than likely is) the reason you don't have any sexual feelings towards him. If he were female, but with the same friendly personality, would you be more attracted to him/her?
I think this might be (more than likely is) the reason you don't have any sexual feelings towards him. If he were female, but with the same friendly personality, would you be more attracted to him/her?
And yes, wait for the right girl to come along!
Maybe if he were less serious and more funny and more emotionally stable (He has mental illness too which I just remembered and I have it too and I need someone more stable-to keep my feet on the ground and calm me down). But otherwise yes. And I will! No matter how long it may take! And also it seems from my point of view women have this energy that I just can't see in men. Maybe it's part of attraction.
Last edited by wolfgirl69; 05-07-2013 at 05:42 PM.
It's hard for me to relate, at 17 I had crushes and would fall in love with every boy I had a crush on, I never thought or felt about the pressures of sex, and if I wasn't attracted physically to the boy i would play no interest. But I was a virgin till I was 18 and I can't fathom losing or not having a sex drive at 18...
Retract what I said earlier. If I knew you orientation wasn't straight I wouldn't have suggested that you date him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PreciousMissy
I think this might be (more than likely is) the reason you don't have any sexual feelings towards him. If he were female, but with the same friendly personality, would you be more attracted to him/her?
Understanding sexuality and romance help (I'm 17)?
Maybe hanging out with him more will help? (I never see him)
And also it seems from my point of view women have this energy that I just can't see in men. Maybe it's part of attraction.
