3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

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- General chatter (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter-72/)

- - Fat Acceptance problem (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/general-chatter/278946-fat-acceptance-problem.html)

Back away from the Crazy Bus!

Your friend is not being a Good Friend to you.
Share your need for truth with her ...you are putting your health 1st....she is allowed to believe in whatever she wants .....and you have the same right.

Do not let her brow beat you with her new lifestyle she has adopted . If she had really accepted herself then there would be no reason to recruit you, and be so pushy about it.

Good Luck, Roo2:carrot::carrot::carrot:

Oh my. She sounds insecure and defensive. I feel for her, but I think any friend worth having is a friend who will respect our choices.

It's a bit maddening when people believe something so much that they ostracise others for having different beliefs. In the case of your friend, do you think she might respond well to something along the lines of "I'm trying hard to do what feels right for me, so I feel hurt when I hear you say xyz. I understand your xyz (beliefs) are important and I respect them and support you. I'd like the same in return. Can we agree to disagree about this?"

I don't know if that's too clinical. But basically, it sounds like she needs to realize you're not obliged to follow her beliefs or agree with them, regardless of how that makes her feel.

That aside, good for you for taking care of yourself and listening to your gut about this. She may need a friend some day, to deal with her take on this, but for now perhaps some clear communication and boundaries/space would help indeed, so you can keep doing what you want to do with positive people around you.

Good luck! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by seagirl (Post 4691549)

I would stop having meals with her, and tell her that your eating habits are off limits for discussion.

This is what I would recommend. What are her redeeming qualities?

Quote:

Originally Posted by PatLib (Post 4691503)

So, I don't really have a problem with the Fat Acceptance movement as whole. But I am having a problem with a friend who has not just joined the movement but is actively trying to gain weight. (apparently there is a small faction of the movement who does this)

I understand that she is sick of dieting and feeling bad about her weight but her eating habits have become insane. I can't really remember the last time I saw her eat a vegetable even on a hamburger. But the truth is, I could ignore all that if it weren't for her relentless harassment of my own choices.

She get pissed at me at restaurants for not finishing my meals. Honestly, I often cheat at restaurants but I just make sure to have portion control. So, it's not like I am eating a salad (though I should be allowed to do that if I want). Also, she keeps telling me that I hate myself and other fat people by losing weight. She say its like a black person bleaching their skin. Quite frankly, I am thinking about stop being friends with her but literally all our friends are mutual. How the heck do I navigate this!?

Umm... NO! Sounds like she's jumped on the wack-a-doodle wagon to me.

She honestly sounds insane. I would pull back - way, way back. Sounds like she doesn't want to be the only "fat girl" in the group and she is threatened by your success and determination to improve your health.

I agree with most everyone else, she sounds very insecure and like she's trying to drag you down so she won't feel like the only heavy one. I think you should tell her why it's not okay to treat you the way she is and take it from there. If you don't want to be confrontational at all, then I think your idea of cutting time spent with her down to casual encounters in a group setting is a great idea.

I think it's not completely unusual for some people to become quite overzealous when they jump into a certain cause (ie. some people decide to go vegan and then hate the world for it, or become a religious zealot). I think the vast majority tend to settle down. If she is a great friend otherwise, I would probably ride this bandwagon out.... she will probably go back to normal soon enough.