So...This sounds really, really bratty, but I would love nothing more than a birthday party. I haven't had one since I was 9 years old. I have taken the initiative and thrown other people birthday parties time and time again, but no one has ever thrown one for me. I am pretty firmly of the opinion that I am not comfortable throwing a party in honor of myself. It would make me uncomfortable. I would feel comfortable if my husband did the inviting, but as much as I've dropped hints, he has never taken the initiative to do this, and probably never will. Last year, he kept telling me that he was going to throw me a party, it was going to be a "surprise." I didn't really get my hopes up, and then he told me the surprise was that there was no party. Really.
I don't care about presents. I don't want anything expensive or fancy, but I'm coming up on a "milestone" birthday in about a month, and I would love for my husband to invite a bunch of my friends out to just a divey bar and celebrate with me. I'm really busy with work lately and haven't had a lot of time to see people I care about. Plus, it would be a way to make this birthday much happier. I know this sounds really dumb, but knowing that he knows how much that would mean to me, how little effort it would take for him to do it, and how he's still not going to do anything about it is kind of making me really sad.
We've had a lot of problems in the past year. I just feel like he's never going to be willing to DO anything, if that makes any sense. When we go to marriage counseling, he's all about how we've both got to compromise, etc., but it feels like the reality is that I have to compromise and he has to do absolutely nothing different.
Thanks so much for letting me get this off my chest. I can't tell any of my friends about this secret desire for a birthday party for fear they'll think I'm soliciting them to throw me one. Any advice or similar complaints welcome.
That kinda sucks, but you really shouldn't feel bad about organising your own party. I mean, plenty of people I know organise their own birthday bash. Be it an at home party or a trip to a local bar, restaurant etc.
Why not go about organising something? If your husband has got something planned already, he will just have to come clean! Go for it.
Worst case scenario, your husband doesn't plan anything and you end up having a great time with your friends at the event you've planned. Best case, your husband has got something planned.
Do nothing and you may end up missing the chance to celebrate your milestone birthday altogether! Have fun celebrating, whatever you end up doing
Marjorie I turn 40 in May and I LOVE surprise parties and my fiancee HATES surprises so I know he won't plan one for me. I'm throwing my own party and it is going to be awesome!! I don't think there is anything wrong with calling up your friends and telling them you're planning your own party! I've learned that you can't wait for other ppl to make you happy and you only live once! I say go for it and have an awesome time!!! Oh, and happy birthday in a month!!
First, you are not being bratty at all! Especially if it's a milestone birthday!
If your husband doesn't catch on to hints, I'd try to make it really easy for him.
Give him:
A list of places where you'd like to have the party.
A guest list including email addresses.
And if he REALLY needs help, even suggest a few dates.
If you have a close friend that can "help" him with the planning, that might be even better. *hugs* Good luck!
Girl, life is short!! Throw yourself a birthday party!! I had a friend who always threw her own party. And I mean she went all out!! I would jump in and help out with what I could, but truth be told, no one and I mean NO ONE could do it up the way she wanted. Start spreading the word and maybe someone will jump in and help out.
Your hubby kind sounds like a jerk, I'm sure he's got all kinds of lovely things about him, and you love him, but the whole "the surprise is that there is no party" when he knows how much that means to you, ARG! Rude!
I say just invite your friends to the divey bar you like in honor of your birthday. I've done it, I've had several friends do it, one of my friends does it every year. No one brings gifts, everyone just buys the birthday girl a drink and has fun hanging out.
One thing I've learned is that if you wait around for people to fulfill your wants and desires you will often be left unsatisfied, even if you spell it out. You want a party, girl, do it!
I don't like birthday parties for myself, so I usually invite family to a restaurant (where I pay the bill for everybody)
My husband's bday is a few days before mine and he likes to go all out so we throw his party. He does all the inviting and some organizing, I usually take care of the food. It's very fun and he has a blast! (So does everyone else)
My point, do it yourself... Go all out if you can afford it and just don't expect people to do it for you. They will come to celebrate with you regardless of how is organizing the party!
So I wanted to update all you ladies who were kind enough to respond with what I ended up doing. I'd love your input on it. I sent out a very casual invite on FB, jokingly poking fun at myself and saying I was depressed about turning my age this week, and that I was going to be drowning my sorrows at a bar this weekend if anyone else would like to join me. It did not end up looking like a birthday party invitation, which is what I wanted.
I did find out that my friend texted my husband and told him she wanted to plan a party for me because she always forgets my birthday and wanted to do something nice for me this year. My husband told her he was thinking the same thing and that he would put something together and let her know what to do, but then apparently just let it all slide (he told me this, not her). I feel like it would have taken about fifteen minutes for him to invite my friends via facebook to come celebrate at a bar and ask my friend if she would bring a cake. But oh well. It was sweet of them to think of it, anyway.
So what do you think of my invite? Too gauche? Now I'm worried no one will show up!
Last edited by MarjorieMargarine; 03-31-2013 at 10:29 PM.
You're worrying too much about this. People love parties. I get invited to parties that people are throwing for themselves all the time. I've thrown myself a party and I don't feel the least bit guilty of it. Honestly even if you are saying you're drowning your sorrows at a bar people still know it's a celebration. Might as well lighten up the words a bit, you want people to come and having a good time, not come and cheer you up - what a drag!
As for your husband, just realize that throwing parties is not his thing obviously. It's kinda jerky that he said the surprise is that there is no party. That's kind of mean, have you told him how hurtful that is? He needs to pay for that one, what a dope!
My husband is not the party type either. He'll never throw me a surprise party I just know it. I'd love one and maybe someday someone will. But it won't be him. I'm ok with that. But only because I'm ok with throwing a party for myself. Like Lockitup says "if you wait around for people to fulfill your wants and desires you will often be left unsatisfied, even if you spell it out." Never ever ever leave your happiness up to other people, it has to come from within.
Birthday Blues
