He's not interested in me?
 

I won't bore you with the whole conversation but I will post the end of it.
....
"it's honestly sooo hard to get you to talk. Maybe it's just me. I was interested in you before, I mean I thought you were so handsome and interesting but it's cool. I am glad we can be friends. "

And this was his reply
"Regardless....I still think you're sexy as ****!!! Hope you're having a great day"

Then about 30 minutes later he text "hey good looking, how's your day?"

It doesn't seem like he is interested in me the same way I am him, does it? I'm so awkward, I don't have good convo skills. We have never discussed anything before as far as liking each other but we text all of the time and I was hoping he had some interest in me.
I have been single for almost two years, I guess I should stay that way. LOL!

Meh, I'm always turned off when guys respond with something sexual if we are not in a long-term relationship or if I haven't known them a long time. To me it's just a sign that they're not into me in a real relationship way. Which, fair enough, but if I'm looking for a real relationship and he says something like this I just move on.

He responded to your heartfelt honest comment you made with a superficial "well you're still sexy". Um, thanks? What does that have to do with talking and being interesting?

You don't have to stay single, you just have to find the right person. And he doesn't sound like the right person.

"it's honestly sooo hard to get you to talk. Maybe it's just me. I was interested in you before, I mean I thought you were so handsome and interesting but it's cool. I am glad we can be friends. "

...I'm confused, it sounds like you aren't interested in him!

And yes to what BreathingSpace said, the "well you're still sexy" comment sounds superficial, unless maybe he was using the casual nature of it as self defense?

I think some more details/background would be helpful to interpret this.

This^^

This was via email late at night, he kept messaging me and I would always respond but I knew that he was doing homework so I didn't want to bother him. I said something along the lines of don't study too hard, good night. He messaged back with something like "well you know I am going to be texting you."
He texts me quiet often but it's hard to carry on a conversation with him. Either he is very reserved or just not interested. Probably just not interested.
He's the complete opposite of me. He's very athletic, crazy good looking, has a Bachelor's degree and is working on a second while I am working on my first, and he is about 17 years older than me.

I don't think he is interested, forget him and move on.PS I would never ask a guy if he is interested in me, makes the girl sound needy.

For God's sake. He is a guy. You just told him that you once found him handsome and interesting. That's like throwing gasoline on a match. He's hot for you. And that's about as good a text as a guy is gonna give.

If you like him, well done. If not, oops.

But he is too old.

The best way to cool a guy down is to say nothing.

Agreed x2. Like he'd shut you up by "complimenting" you. Maybe he's just an idiot. Idk. He may be attracted to you, or interested in sex, but I definitely don't get a relationship vibe. So, it really all depends on what YOU want. Fling? I think he's in. Relationship? Doesn't seem like he's in that mindset.

Yikes yikes yikes! Makes his comments seem even worse. How old are you? Now I'm worried I just told a teenager to have sex with a man 17 years older. If you are very young I take it back!!!!!!!!!!!! Times a million!!!

I wasn't going to but a male friend told me to. I guess I should have known to do the opposite. LOL!!

I don't get the relationship vibe either, I just needed to hear it from someone else I suppose.

I am 26.

I was interested in him a lot but his response made it go down greatly.

Thank you

43 is too old. You can find someone better, younger and more handsome than that. I'm 38. So I speak from the heart on this.

I have a little different take on this.

Just because "he's a guy" doesn't mean he doesn't have insecurities or doubts. Maybe he's crazy about you but didn't know how to respond to you saying you THOUGHT he was handsome and interesting. Maybe he didn't want to lose your interest and said something he thought would catch your attention. Then softened it with "good looking". I could be way off. My brother talks to me about any woman he finds interest in and he's the shy type and ends up putting his foot in his mouth a lot.

I don't think age is so much a factor as maturity and intentions. Unless the age difference makes it illegal, then no go.

Yeah he's only interested in sex he doesn't care about you is what I am getting from it, the way he replied seems disrespectful. Steer clear I would say as well.

Like he doesn't care about your feelings or what you even said ... but he knows you are into him now so he thinks he can get sex out of you sort of way.

Is this as in he doesn't care you need to sleep he's letting you know that he will still be texting you after you said goodnight? That's disrespectful also and shows no care whatsoever for you... run seems like a jerk.

Unless I'm reading it wrong...

This is someone who has no interest in a relationship but is leaving the door open to a "friends with benefits" situation (a 43 year old and 26 year old woman... how flattering for him right?). If he had any further interest, he would have asked you out on a date. I would delete his number, it is disrespectful. Don't entertain it.

Seems like a pusher-puller to me. One minute he is calling you sexy and good looking, telling you that he's going to be texting you, and then the next minute you say he seems uninterested and hard to talk to. He's not being very direct in his language whatsoever but is saying just enough to string you along. The guy wants you around (for some reason - it may not just be about sex), but he doesn't want any commitment to a relationship. He's just going to keep pushing you away when you get too close and reeling you back in when you've started to be independent of him.

Also, the sexy comment would have been incredibly off-putting to me. You're being very honest and forthcoming, and he pulls some crap like that? Like if he calls you sexy, all of that will just go away?

Psh. Tell him to hit the road.

Take the conversation off email and/or text. Nothing good leads from these. If a guy likes you he doesn't bother with virtual conversations. Just say to him "sorry, I reserve texting and email only for work related issues."

We let guys off way too easy these days. We let them get away with doing absolutely nothing. If you're not willing to put in face time to this relationship then it should not come as any surprise that it's not going anywhere. A guy who's that old should know that.

I agree with this, if you want a relationship and not just someone to call when you're feeling frisky, seek other company

When I first read your posting, it seemed to me like the 2nd text was for someone else and he hit reply on your message by mistake.

I hate seeing younger ladies get jerked around by these older men. Not that age matters but it seems to me that the older guys (by a lot of years I mean) tend to be good at manipulating the younger girls by just keeping in touch "enough" to have them as a back up plan.

One of my cousins gets played by these guys all the time and has wasted more of her life waiting for these guys that will never be a boyfriend/SO in her life but she falls for it all the time. She waits around and around for them and they are just using her if nothing better comes along or (I think) to text with her while he's waiting for his real date to show up.

End rant. Sorry. Please delete his number, he's not worth a lady like you.

Just to throw my two cents in about the age thing...17 years age difference isn't too much given the right guy. My husband is substantially older than me. Granted, not by 17 years by any stretch, but I was in diapers when he was moving on up to middle school. Sometimes, age doesn't factor in. Heck, he ages well...for the first two years I thought he was only 4 years older than me. Not quite. More like 9-1/2 to 10. Not like he was immature or anything, just he didn't look a decade older than me. And vice versa. I still get carded and I just turned 30. I looked young. I know that. He knew that. But he thought I just aged really well given the fact I was super mature for my age. It wasn't until we decided to move from friends (and FRIENDS ONLY, there was not benefits!!!) that we realized how off we had been about each other's ages. We've known each other for a total 8 years, dated for 4, married for 2. Have an awesome daughter together. He treats me like a queen and it is blatanly obvious I am the love of his life. Likewise, he is mine. I married my best friend. Even though everyone was stunned I married a man so much older than myself. Everyone told me I could find better, find younger. But none of them would have been him.

As for the other stuff...yeah...uhm, I dunno. Men are weird. I mean, really weird. My husband had been crushing on me since we met 8 years ago and it took him two years to get the courage to ask me out to dinner...even though we had had dinner together a zillion times before then. So who knows. Maybe he is interested. Maybe he isn't. Maybe he has been burnt in the past and is scared. Maybe he was a friend with some benefits. Or maybe he just wants to be friends but acknowledges that you are attractive, but he just is not interested right now. The only person who can tell you that, is him. And unless you ask, you won't get an answer. And do it face to face. A lot can be lost in translation over emails and texts.

Oh Zoesmom, I didn't mean to offend anyone with an age comment!!! I know age difference doesn't mean anything in a healthy relationship!

I just have seen younger girls without much dating experience (not saying this is the case of the OP either) getting hooked on the attention of an older guy who is just smooth, know what I mean?

I probably shouldn't have replied with my personal family situation so raw in my head. :)

If he's in his 40's he should be able to talk to a woman and let her know that he's interested. If he's that shy and hapless...you're probably better off. In my experience, when a guy is genuinely interested in me and I'm interested in him...it's obvious and I don't need to ask other people to interpret his actions. When you're doing that, it's usually a sign that you're fishing for something that's just not there.

No worries. :) Not offended. Just was throwing in that age doesn't mean a lick to some folks. Afterall, it is just a number. But yeah, I know what you mean. I had a friend get wrapped up in a piece of scum 16 years older than her, knock her up, then skip town. I felt really bad about that...our daughters were born 4 months apart and my guy stuck around when hers did not. Luckily, our two girls are best of friends and my friend's wee one calls my hubby "Daddy" and he treats her as if she was his own. Like I said, I got myself Mr. Amazing :)

Zoesmom- my mom and her husband are 24 years apart (which blows my mind as you can believe my stepdad is younger than me) and yes, she does genuinely love him.

But this guy is just throwing out a bait hook!

I do agree with this. Who says "Hope you have a good day" then 30 minutes later say "How's your day going?". Odd.

At 43, the "sexy" comments to someone you're not even really dating seem immature, tacky and creepy. I have nothing against age differences, I started seeing my husband when I was 21 and he was 33. It's now 8 years later, happily married with two kids. BUT, just based upon this snippet of information, it wouldn't give me good vibes. There are good men of all ages out there so no reason to hang on to someone that may just barely be hanging on to you.

I second this. Face time or even real talking on the phone time is what should be done. Texting leaves sooo much room to take things wrong or out of context.

It makes me sad to see how many people put so much of their communication in texting. :(

Hope you figure things out and it works out the way you would like it to!

IMHO, texting is not a 'conversation'. Texting is for a quick 'hello', or 'pick up a quart of milk, pls.'.

My question is not whether he's interested in you, but Why are you interested in him? What does he bring to the table to make your life richer? He called you 'sexy'? Big deal. You know that, already ;)

"Meh, I'm always turned off when guys respond with something sexual if we are not in a long-term relationship or if I haven't known them a long time. To me it's just a sign that they're not into me in a real relationship way. Which, fair enough, but if I'm looking for a real relationship and he says something like this I just move on."

That is truth talk sista. Deep down inside, you can seperate the men from the boys. Don't settle when your intuition is firing warning shots. Been there, traveled down that wrong path many-a-time! LOL

Amen! If more women had this sense of confidence they wouldn't be dragged around by the nose by men who really don't care about them. Responding to sexual texting is as immature as sending sexual texts. It doesn't matter what your response is, when you respond to a sexual text it reads "this is all the effort that is required to have me." I know that sounds harsh but you gotta get tough with men, they will get away with the laziest form of communication IF YOU LET THEM.

Ya'll were right.. he has a girlfriend.

Ouch, sorry. Use this as a great opportunity to spot red flags in the future. The only reason I knew it was one, was learning the same way you did. Good luck - and you are worth more than this!

We'll screen them for you from now on, we've got your back :hug:

Thank you all.
It just really makes me feel bad about myself. It's like I can't get my own man but I could sleep with someone else's. :/

Truthfully, this reflects more on the type of person he is (of low quality I would say) and virtually nothing on the type of person you are.

In the past I too have been attracted to scum bags (before I knew their true nature of course). Now I'm happily married to a man who loves me no matter what weight I'm at, who only has eyes for me!

Love yourself first, and have a little faith! :hug:

Thank you. I was just annoyed because that is the second guy this year that lied about having a girlfriend. I haven't dated since August 2011 and when I felt like getting back out there, I meet two guys like them. :dizzy::dizzy:

It sucks that that happened, but it would suck much more to be their girlfriends.

It's crazy that when this sort of thing happens, *we're* the ones who feel stupid when *they* are clearly the ones without any kind of integrity. Hugs to you. Don't hit yourself over the head.

Please don't take this the wrong way, I'm truly just trying to help you out here. A friend once said this to me and at first I was really irritated and defensive, but then literally a year later I began to think about what my friend said to me and realized it was true. She said I always tended to attract guys that were not available to me.

Could this be true for you on some level? Even if you think it's not true, sometimes it helps to process this thought or idea as you might discover why exactly you are attracting men that are already attached and lie about it.

Breathing Space, this ^^ is a great point! This has been my problem in the past and something that I'm actively working on. I've actually decided to forgo dating and/or relationships until I untangle the web of this aspect of my personality. I'm fortunate that I enjoy time alone so I use this time for a lot of things including figuring out why I attract not only the unavailable, but emotionally unavailable men. Oy!!

One of my favorite quotes (attributed to Mark Twain): Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.