Oh this has always been something I'm concerned with. You know, what really does make the difference?
I've always gotten a decent amount of male attention. But I do notice that I get a lot more when I'm at my lower weights. However, I don't know if I can put that to my smaller frame or my confidence. Really, I don't do much of anything when I'm as big as I am now. I don't really leave the house at all if I don't have to. And then I avoid man as best as I can while I'm out. Though they'll still find me.
But I know that if I did go out there and open myself up to opportunities, I would get bites. And so would you. It's really true what everyone is saying: Men like confidence. And it's not just men! PEOPLE like confidence. Don't you?
I'm completely oblivious to any sort of actual interest. I work primarily with men. They all flirt. They all tease. It's human nature. Perception just changes at lower weights. Teasing and flirting then means something in my head instead of being just banter...and it's disconcerting.
Dating has always been very foreign to me. I'm 34, and have never been out more than a few times where it wasn't a Platonic friendship. I've always been known as the friend, never the girlfriend, so I assumed that role, and when guys have shown interest, my first thought is why, and my 2nd is to run. At one point I lost over 90 pounds, I then started to get paid more attention to, and it scared me. I can't say this is the only reason I gained back 40 pounds, but it is one of the reasons. And I'm ashamed to admit that, cause the guys who paid attention to me did nothing wrong, but because I have terrible anxiety, and trouble saying no, or letting others down, I started eating.....and eating a lot.
Again, terribly ashamed. I know beauty comes in all sizes, yet I have a hard time believing it for myself. I'd love to meet someone, and share my life, but anxiety, and some other stuff revolving around that nit only stops me, but makes me run in the other direction.
/End rant. Sorry I kind of took your thread off topic too.
^^ sara i'm 10 years younger than you and have exact same problem, i consider myself only as a friend,after losing weight i got more attention and i gained half of it back but i still get the attention-which i usually ignore :/ and the anxiety is killing me sometimes...but i have become more self -confident i just can't imagine being sexually or very emotionally attached to anyone right now but to my family and close friends
Even at my skinniest, I really didn't get any offers. I was insecure, shy and quiet. I didn't invite guys to talk to me. So that's my personality.
I've been with my boyfriend for four years now. So I can't talk about the dating end... BUT I have noticed that when I went from 120 lbs to 180 lbs the attention and admiring glances grew less. And as I've slowly shrunk, the attention has returned. (Makes me feel really weird as I now have a baby and can't see myself as a catch, lol). But I'm lucky that I have a wonderful boyfriend who thinks I'm beautiful no matter what. So yes, attraction is important, but so is personality. Guys had trouble talking to me. I'm awkward like Kristin Stewart.
I hope all you ladies (and men) find worthy partners. We all deserve that, no matter our weight.
Going from 140lbs and super athletic in high school, to a 272lb not-as-active person really effected my dating life. In high school, I had many guys interested in me, and I dated. But in college, all guys wanted was to hook up with me. I was not the "girlfriend" type apparently. I think it has something to do with my self-esteem. Because in high school I was very outgoing and confident with my body, and throughout college I have gradually become more introverted and self-conscious due to my weight gain and depression. So I guess guys thought they could "take advantage" of me easier. I have dated a little though.
But now that I am losing weight, I am SO much happier and more confident, like my old self. That's one of my motivations for losing weight is, I dont consider my true self to be a "fat person" and that is not how I picture my future.
I find that people definitely treat "bigger" people differently. Because my weight gain was so rapid, it came to a shock at how rude some people can be about fat. Rude stares, whispering behind your back, smug comments..its subtle, but definitely noticeable. I am tired of all that.
I am glad that some of you found your husbands while you were big, but I must agree that most people (Americans) are not attracted to fat people.
Just more motivation to lose weight!
Everytime I've lost weight, people would flirt with me more. That's fine and dandy. What's annoying is that people I already knew that wouldn't date me before, suddenly saw me as an option. Let me tell you, that's disheartening.
Keep looking for a man that loves you right now. He will still love you no matter what size you are. That's the best way. Maybe you could try to put yourself out there more? You sound like a catch.
Hi everyone!
I’m new to the forum and just wanted to say hello. I’ve been reading through some of the threads and really appreciate how supportive and motivating this community is.
I'm working on getting healthier and staying consistent with home-cooked meals and daily walks. Looking forward to learning from you all and sharing progress along the way. 😊
I’ve lived both versions of myself too — the smaller, more “socially acceptable” version, and the bigger, more withdrawn one. And what you said about confidence really hit home, because damn, it changes everything, doesn’t it? Not just how others respond to us, but how we show up for ourselves.
After my own weight loss journey, dating felt really different — not just because of how others saw me, but because of how I started seeing myself with more confidence. It took me some time to realize that being open and authentic matters more than the number on the scale. Online platforms can be a great way to ease back into dating, too. For anyone curious about senior-focused options, I’ve seen people ask about how to contact silver singles if they need support or account help.
