He dumped me.
 

My amazing, sweet, caring, wonderful perfect boyfriend that I'd lived with for a year dumped me. Out of nowhere!!!

We have literally never had one fight...not one!

I was working soooo hard to lose weight to attend his brothers wedding in Italy in two weeks! I was supposed to buy my ticket Friday.

And then today, As he's already there, I asked him if I should buy his return ticket, and he tells me he's not coming back.

As simple as that.

I'm so in shock. I'm humiliated and hurt and confused and a million and one things. I just don't get it.

Wait... did he give any explanation? This is all a bit much because not only did he supposedly dump you, he's leaving his new country? Job? stuff?

What's the scoop?

Wow. WTF? He basically dumped you over the phone/email/etc and not in person? How fking lame! He should have had the decency to do it in person. I'm so sorry that happened to you. :hug: Hopefully with time, you'll find out the reasons why...

This too. It's just so odd to just up and leave everything behind especially since you said you both live together.

From all indications, he's pulled the "31 year old guy dumps the gf he actually likes because its too serious and he hasn't achieved all his goals yet". How unbelievably stereotypical.

And I'm just so hurt as I had no warning. Absolutely none.

And yes, via text. And left his new everything, now I know why he never bought the big screen tv he wanted, wasn't sure about coming to another wedding with me in June, and lots of little things that I totally overlooked are falling in place.

Meanwhile we were totally happy, and he gave no indication anything was wrong. Totally the opposite. Actually, I reeeeealllly thought ht would be proposing in Italy.

I'm so stupid. I overlooked the signs he was about to bolt.

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. We are all sending you love and I hope you are able to find out why, and believe us that it wasn't you. His actions are so out there that he's clearly having difficulty with some complicated issues. I hope you no longer being a part of those issues works to improve your life in the long run. I'm sorry :(

I don't know you but having gone through something similar 5 years ago, I just want to wrap you in a big hug. Understand that this will make you stronger.

I'd be very hurt in your position too. But honestly he did you a favor - imagine how much worse it would be if he showed this side of himself when more time had passed or deeper commitments were in place. Him being an indecisive little boy (because no real man would treat a woman with such disrespect) has to sting like mad, but in the long run its a blessing in disguise.

I know it doesn't feel like that right now, unfortunately :grouphug:

:hug:

:hug: that is rough!! Like others said, lucky escape, although it won't feel like it now!

Ugh. :(

Honestly, this break up isn't about you. He just up and left his life and you happened to be in it. I know it's hard but try not to take it personally. What he did was extremely selfish and immature. I don't think this has anything to do with you. Luckily you can now sell his stuff and get some cash.

The only thing worse than wasting a year on that guy is wasting a year and a day. What a coward for not telling you how he was feeling long ago and for doing this via text. Sell all his stuff, get yourself a new apartment (or at least use the money from his stuff to redecorate the one you shared) and look at it as a fresh start. You've already lost all this weight- you're a hot property.

Have you ever read the advice column "Dear Sugar" on the website "The Rumpus"? I just discovered it the other day, and I can not tell you in what strange ways it has helped me think about things. You should definitely check it out.

Easy as it is to think things were perfect, they weren't. You do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It is so very, very creepy that you didn't know anything was going on. If you did get back together, you would never be able to trust him again because he was so good at hiding his feelings this time. He manipulated you. Instead of being honest and talking about his fears, goals, and plans, he made you think everything was fine so he could selfishly hold onto you until he worked things out, then once that happened, he disregarded your feelings entirely and a made a decision about BOTH of you by himself.

I don't know if you aren't ready to be angry at him yet. If you're not, I don't mean to make you feel bad. You sound like a great girl, your profile pic is beautiful, and your grammar is excellent. :) It's a buyers' market out there for us ladies, honey, and now's the time to be picky. You've got this. :hug:

Lmao!!! Yup and buy yourself some new clothes to compliment your hot bod ;)


Another thing Bex, do you have a good support system of gfs? I leaned on my gfs like crazy after my break-up and cried on their shoulder. I would tell them "I'm sorry I'm crying over him for the milllionth time but this suuucks!!!!" And my true friends were always reassuring and told me they loved to be there for me. Because we all go through it. So please don't isolate yourself but reach out (as many times as you need to) to those who care about you and they will walk with you through your pain.

What a coward. What a despicable act. I'm so sorry that happened to you /hug. You're better off without someone like that in your life. If he was capable of doing this who knows what other crap he would have pulled in the future. I say sell all his crap. I do feel your pain with the out of the blue break up. I was blindsided by a break up once and it sucks.

Boo. That is just sucky. I feel for you, big time :hug: Maybe, just think of it like this guy wasn't it for you and there is someone way more awesome out there for you :)

Bex, I wish I could give you a hug through the computer.

Whatever he's doing over there is probably really shady. Get tested.

You are not stupid. I'll bet he has found an Italian girlfriend .

I'm very sorry that this happened to you. :hug:

Guys are dumb. They do things like this without thinking of the whole picture. He may have found someone else and is caught up in the idea of a fling. Do not take him back after an act like this! Now you can go out in the world and find someone you deserve! Tell him he has two weeks to get any of the things he owns out of the apartment or else you will be throwing them out or selling them (legal issues). Make sure his name is off the lease. Good luck.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!
It really suck, I dont know you but I feel for you!
Sending lots of hugs your way - be strong and be greatful that now you have a hot new bod to start dating with (when you are ready).

First off... Hugz. I'm so sorry. :(

I was overseas last year working at a music festival and my boyfriend at the time started a relationship with someone else while I was gone... and didn't even tell me for two weeks after I got back. I was only gone for 9 days. So, I can relate to the shock you are feeling right now.

Sorry if this is too much, but you might want to read some things about being in a relationship with a psychopath/sociopath. Those disorders are more common then most people realize and the way you were dumped screams personality disorder. I know I don't know much about the situation from what little you explained, it might at least be worth looking into.

Agreed. Someone who does this is very selfish and manipulative.

But, and I have to say this, he may have been very good about hiding it, but you mentioned quite a few things that you were "overlooking". So you DID sense something, subconciously. You just didn't want to believe it, and he confirmed it "wasn't true" by acting like nothing was wrong.

You are not stupid, you just overlooked stuff and believed someone who manipulated you.

Also, to the people saying "oh he's found someone else, he has an Italian girlfriend". I don't really think it helps right now to say anything like that. It will just hurt OP. We don't know what he's doing, and frankly, who cares what he's doing. That's not the point.

I'm so sorry this happened. I've been dumped out of the blue in the past, and I know that is a special kind of pain beyond a normal break up.

Well, we spoke today.

as I mentioned previously, he's a chef. We met working in a hotel in the Bahamas, but he's travelled around the world...zambia, monte carlo, Miami, all sorts of places. When we first got together it was very whirlwind and we got serious pretty quickly.

He actually told me then he'd travelled all around the world and couldnt belive he finally found what he was looking for on the tiny island we were living on...me.

We both became pretty miserable at our jobs and moved to Canada in January 1. He was supposed to get a working holiday visa which is easy for Italians to get...but I guess he panicked about suddenly being so serious with me, and didn't apply for the visa by the jan 15th deadline. He figured he'd get a work sponsor.

Fast forward 6 weeks and now he's realized that its not as easy as he thought it would be. He effed up. He didn't want to tell me because he knows I'm pretty stressed re: money from the move etc.

And when he went back to Italy 2 weeks ago, it compounded even more (his brother is getting married) that being with me for a year was actually a huge commitment, and staying here with me even more so.... and he extra freaked out.

He's realized he wants to travel more and isn't ready to settle down and wants to focus on his career. And so he's just leaving me behind.

Apparantly he's really mixed up about it, and his family are totally confused too and upset with him. He said he doesn't know for sure this is the right choice and doesn't want to hurt me. He basically says sorry every other sentence. He said he has no idea and that maybe in a few months he's going to realize what a bleepup this was.

So I guess I'm just that girl that gets dumped because my boyfriends not ready to settle down.

The worst part is is that *I* want to travel. I have a house for sale and once it does, I planned on using some of that money to take a year off and just explore..

I hope you will be keeping the money you make from the house.

You don't owe him anything at this point. He left you high and dry and responsible for the mortgage.

Enjoy your travels.

May I ask, what are some of the signs you overlooked?

Take that opportunity to 'explore' as many fine pieces of male architecture in the world as you like *wink* if he is not ready to settle down, don't you be either :)

Ahh, no the mortgage and building were mine before we got involved :-) Here we're renting, but I'd always budgeted in the "just in case he leaves" so I can still afford it.

At least financially, this is a pretty smooth break.

In terms of signs?
He always wanted a big screen tv here, but never bought it.
We were invited to a wedding in June, and he hemmed and haad about going.
There were a few things where I wanted to make "plans" for, that he just kind of let slip.

I just assumed it was because he wasn't working yet and was watching his money. Not that he was going to make a run for it.

No, that's the best part, because you still get to travel and be able to afford to do so without some wishy washy person dragging you down.

Trust me, when you go traveling, you will meet so many people you will actually have a hard time traveling alone, even if you WANT to travel alone!

What you are observing in hindsight make sense now.

I'm just glad you didn't get your ticket, fly to Italy and then have the bottom yanked out from under you.

You deserve to travel.

oh honey, i'm so sorry, tell me where he is and i'll kick his *** ;)
i live in italy right now and italian guys are called "mammoni" you know stuck with their mom/parents untill they're at least 35 years old. i'm not saying all of them are the same and i hope i didn't offend anyone but most of the italian guys i've met are not seroious at all when it comes to girls. when i go out they always hit on so much younger girls, like 35 y old on a 20 y old girl and it's so gross. and i've talked to the boys and they just say that they don't want to get marry soon in this economy crisis, bla bla butin reality they just mature later than average boys haha and also there are so little males going to uni. so in one hand you should be happy you got rid of him. i'm sure you can find a 100 times better bf than this one.

Thanks for that...it makes me feel a bit better missunshine.

That's totally it. His bro is getting married now and he's 37. My bf...ex :( is 31. And he does love to travel but he's also totally a mamma's boy and talks to his mother every.single.day. I'm so sad because He just...was different. Was the first time in my life when I totally, totally believed in someone and thought that they'd never hurt me.

I didn't see it coming at all. Never expected it. Noone I know did.

Just wanted to say *hugs* and I am sorry you are going through this. Everything happens for a reason, even though it sucks when you are going through it. You are a beautiful girl and deserve someone to make you happy for the rest of your life. You will find Mr. Right, I am sure of it. :)

I'm so sorry this happened to you. It still doesn't quite add up though. What is he going to do with all his stuff he left behind? Nothing? Start over? Buy new everythings? :hug: Hang in there.

Everything I learned about boys I learned in kindergarten - boys are stupid, let's throw rocks at them :)
Years ago, I was with a guy, he proposed to me. Things were fine, then my parents and his mom came to do wedding planning. We wrote the guest list or whatever, the next day, he was gone. Geek, but whatever.
It hurts and it sucks, but you will get stronger because of it. I love this song "A little bit stronger" by Sara Evans.
I hope you feel a little bit better every day, hang onto your gf's too.

What a beautiful song, just listened on youtube with lyrics.

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I hate when life throws curve balls.

Things are very raw still but decide soon what you are going to say to him when he calls to say he made a mistake. Trust me it's coming... Do you want to chance it? Good luck on whatever you decide. :hug:

:hug:

I know it sucks right now, but take breath!

Regroup and move on and do what you want to do. You are no longer burdened with a relationship that was holding you back from realizing the things you want to do.

Sometimes life throws this cr@p at us and we aren't ready. But give it some time, it's learning experience. Been there done that!

Ugh, what an a$$. Once I had a very serious bf who I thought was "the one" until I came home from work one night and all his stuff was gone!! No note, no call, nothing. It was like he vaporized (really the jerk just got scared and moved back home with his mother). Long story short, after a couple weeks of "poor me" I decided to move across the country, which I had always wanted to do, met my DH and 19 years later, am happier than I ever thought possible.
So my suggestion is to go ahead and travel, chase your dreams, and good (much, much better than him) stuff will happen!

I agree! I had this same thing happen to me! Well, not quite, but very similar. I thought I had found the one. We dated for three years, very happy, still romantic, great sex still.... Then he went away for a week, 'lost his phone' and then avoided me when he got home.

No explanation. He didn't care. I felt discarded. Finally after a week, I was able to talk with him and he said he wanted to experience 'other body types.' It took me years really fully let it go, but I did and I'm so happy I did. You have to realize that you are f***ing awesome and he is the one that sucks. Which is true, obviously. So trust that things always work out as they are meant to and keep your focus on your awesome self! :)