Agreed. Sad but good thing you know now what a horrid man he is.

Marjorie Margarine is giving you great advice....You will be fine in time and better off in time. Not to minimize your feelings; but take the time to have your pity party .. and then get to work....take care of yourself and now you can focus your energy on you. You will persevere!

What a jerk! Honestly I don't think I would EVER get over something like that. Don't you just love it that a guy can act like a total moron, be incredibly rude and immature and then turn around and say "it's your fault." There is a special place in h#ll for guys like that.

When someone shows you who he is believe him the first time. I'm sorry this happened... Be strong and end all contact with him... Take care of yourself.

Yea, that's how I felt for a long time actually. But there comes a point when you're not completely sad and miserable (believe me!) and you begin to see the situation as very heavy, unpleasant baggage that just eats away at you. I had to drop it and move forward, instead of living in the past and the 'what ifs.' It took me four years (MUCH longer than the actually relationship) to really have a light heart again. What did it for me was imagining how messed up he must be to not be able to accept someone's heart and love. When he found it with me, he got scared and dropped it. What a life he must live? How lonely, and what a serious issue. My hope for him is that he is able to figure it out and be happy one day because he's an amazing person and truly deserves it, regardless of how things went down between us. He has problems, and shoot, who doesn't. I just happened to be on the bad receiving end this time. Today, almost five years after the fact, all I have for him is compassion and I still keep him in my prayers. I can forgive, but I tell you what: I will never forget. There's a story I heard once about a woman coming to spiritual leader and guru, Maharaji. The woman said something like "Friend, my life is full of misery. People around me are starving, there is so much illness and worry. My husband is sick, my child has passed away--I don't know how to be strong enough to make it through. My life is so full of suffering." The guru sat there and smiled at the lady and said, "Mine is too! Suffering brings me so close to God."
That's one of my favorite stories, because it's so true. Suffering is so important for us to learn and become stronger. We learn so much about ourselves and other in overcoming our obstacles, and we are all better people for it. I think we can all relate to this in regards to weight loss, too!! :) Have great days!

I just want to send you my support and a :hug:

A relationship that I was in with my ex-boyfriend recently ended and a life lesson that it taught me was to take care of myself. Life is too short to be in a relationship that isn't working.

What can you do to take good care of yourself now?

:hug:

Ouch. But true.

I'm sorry if I was blunt in my above comment. I was just trying to help and give support. I am finding as I am getting older that I don't want to waste my time with people who don't care about me or who are going to hurt me. I found out in my last relationship that although there were some good times, there were a lot of nasty times too, and I want to live my life to the fullest, not dwell on the negative. I hope that helps explain things. Again, I am sorry if I was blunt. I didn't mean to be at all, I was just trying to be supportive.

:hug:

Not blunt at all. I'm sorry. I meant that you were spot on.

I just ended a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years about 3 weeks ago after finding out about some infidelity on his part. It was a totally unexpected and a complete shock, so I totally understand how you're feeling. It hurts now, but this too will pass.

I'm not doing okay. Not at all actually. I'm eating everything in sight. I'm not eating at all. I cry in the street, at work, on the subway, while brushing my teeth. I'm exhausted all day, I don't sleep at night. I cry until my face is swollen. I hate him for doing this me, but I don't want to lose him. I just want to fix this. To know why he didn't give me a chance to be with him And let him still experience the world. I just don't understand how I didn't see it coming. I feel like I can never trust anyone again, because I was so sure everything was perfect. I was never, ever as happy and so sure my life was Finally, finally right.

I haven't been in the gym in 7 days...I'm too ashamed to go. My trainer knew I was there just for this one event.

I'm just so, so, so irreparably sad.

It's ok. It's going to be ok. I promise. You will heal from this and move on. If you can't distract yourself, focus on the things you didn't like about him. Be proud of yourself every time you refrain from calling/texting/ asking yourself too many questions.

This doesn't have to be about you. This could really, truly, totally just be about him. Some things you just can't understand. You might not ever get answers to all of it, and eventually you will be ok with that. But right now, it's ok to be mourning him and what he was and what you thought he was. It's ok to have a little meltdown for a while. Just know that after this super rough patch of days that all run together and seem just as hard as the first day, there will be days where it gets better incrementally.

One thing that has helped me get through stuff like this before is that I have to stop feeling sorry for myself at some point. Doing some volunteer work for less fortunate people really, really helps. It will make you feel like your life has meaning, and that there are larger things than you and him and that you are a part of those things.

You have no idea what the future holds. Don't assume it's all crap. Things aren't over yet. Things are going to be ok.

What a complete dick, this means he knew about it beforehand and wasnt on a whim.

I understand that you're still in shock and still hurting. But please understand that him leaving has NOTHING to do with you. It has nothing to do with who you are, what you've been to him, how great you are, what a wonderful wife you would make. Nobody is questioning your capability of "fixing" this. This has everything to do with him and his inability to be with anyone! You're taking on responsibility for something you did not do. He didn't leave because of you, he left because of him. Don't try to take on blame or think that you were deficient of something to make him go.

A little part of you knew that this would not work out. Why else would you have waited this long before getting plane tickets to this event? It doesn't sound like all the details of your trip were worked out and such a big trip takes a bit more planning that that. That's just my hunch I could be wrong.

I'm so sorry. I just want to give you a big hug. **HUGS**

:hug:

I send you hugs and kisses. You have to be strong for you. You will be fine. I know its not easy but things will turn out okay.

Well, this is how I would expect you to feel. It's how almost anyone would feel and I'm sorry you are going through it. And yes... it will be hard to trust again. That's what sucks about people not being honest, it destroys trust.

The only advice I can give you is that give it time. Time heals. And take it one day at a time.

This situation makes me think that he probably is not that good of a guy, and although you loved him, he probably did not treat you as well as you deserved to be treated.

Been there, done that.

TRUST ME - there is a guy out there who will worship the ground that you walk on and treat you like the wonderful person you are. And although you can't see it now, you will be SO HAPPY that this guy dumped you so you could be freed up to meet that guy!!!

Jen

What a man-child! I'm so sorry that happened to you, I would be very hurt...and then I would probably call up some gf's, take a shot of tequila, and set out to destroy him. Haha! Hopefully having the gf's there would keep me in check though!
Go to Italy anyway! :D

I was walking through the grocery store today and Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" came on and I thought of you. Make it yours. You will survive and come back stronger and more secure.

Bex, I am so sorry about what you are going through. I hope some of the pain has eased off a bit since your last post.
I had a similar experience when I was 30, lived with a guy for a year and thought things were great, until I found out he was a sociopath (not saying your ex is), and EVERYTHING out of his mouth was a lie. Not just to me, but everyone. I think in the beginning he was sincere, to a degree, but that didn't last and he just hung around until he found an "out". He left to go "job hunting" and never came back. Wouldn't return my calls. Left me with bills, etc. All that was horrible, but the WORST part was the feeling of being deceived so completely by somebody I cared about who was supposed to care about me. I had absolutely NO faith in my ability to judge a mans character after that ( I had many other bad choices before but this was a LifeTime Movie).
So, I imagine right now, you are really questioning yourself and your judgement. You are asking what you did wrong and what you could have done to make him stay. You are wondering how you will ever trust another man. Please believe me when I say, anybody who does what he did to you has problems of his own that he will have to deal with. You need to lean on your friends and know that although it might feel like it right now, he is not the only man on the planet that can and will care about you. Hang in there :hug: