What a coward. What a despicable act. I'm so sorry that happened to you /hug. You're better off without someone like that in your life. If he was capable of doing this who knows what other crap he would have pulled in the future. I say sell all his crap. I do feel your pain with the out of the blue break up. I was blindsided by a break up once and it sucks.

Boo. That is just sucky. I feel for you, big time :hug: Maybe, just think of it like this guy wasn't it for you and there is someone way more awesome out there for you :)

Bex, I wish I could give you a hug through the computer.

Whatever he's doing over there is probably really shady. Get tested.

You are not stupid. I'll bet he has found an Italian girlfriend .

I'm very sorry that this happened to you. :hug:

Guys are dumb. They do things like this without thinking of the whole picture. He may have found someone else and is caught up in the idea of a fling. Do not take him back after an act like this! Now you can go out in the world and find someone you deserve! Tell him he has two weeks to get any of the things he owns out of the apartment or else you will be throwing them out or selling them (legal issues). Make sure his name is off the lease. Good luck.

I'm so sorry you are going through this!
It really suck, I dont know you but I feel for you!
Sending lots of hugs your way - be strong and be greatful that now you have a hot new bod to start dating with (when you are ready).

First off... Hugz. I'm so sorry. :(

I was overseas last year working at a music festival and my boyfriend at the time started a relationship with someone else while I was gone... and didn't even tell me for two weeks after I got back. I was only gone for 9 days. So, I can relate to the shock you are feeling right now.

Sorry if this is too much, but you might want to read some things about being in a relationship with a psychopath/sociopath. Those disorders are more common then most people realize and the way you were dumped screams personality disorder. I know I don't know much about the situation from what little you explained, it might at least be worth looking into.

Originally Posted by MarjorieMargarine:

Easy as it is to think things were perfect, they weren't. You do not want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you. It is so very, very creepy that you didn't know anything was going on. If you did get back together, you would never be able to trust him again because he was so good at hiding his feelings this time. He manipulated you. Instead of being honest and talking about his fears, goals, and plans, he made you think everything was fine so he could selfishly hold onto you until he worked things out, then once that happened, he disregarded your feelings entirely and a made a decision about BOTH of you by himself.

Agreed. Someone who does this is very selfish and manipulative.

But, and I have to say this, he may have been very good about hiding it, but you mentioned quite a few things that you were "overlooking". So you DID sense something, subconciously. You just didn't want to believe it, and he confirmed it "wasn't true" by acting like nothing was wrong.

You are not stupid, you just overlooked stuff and believed someone who manipulated you.

Also, to the people saying "oh he's found someone else, he has an Italian girlfriend". I don't really think it helps right now to say anything like that. It will just hurt OP. We don't know what he's doing, and frankly, who cares what he's doing. That's not the point.

I'm so sorry this happened. I've been dumped out of the blue in the past, and I know that is a special kind of pain beyond a normal break up.

Well, we spoke today.

as I mentioned previously, he's a chef. We met working in a hotel in the Bahamas, but he's travelled around the world...zambia, monte carlo, Miami, all sorts of places. When we first got together it was very whirlwind and we got serious pretty quickly.

He actually told me then he'd travelled all around the world and couldnt belive he finally found what he was looking for on the tiny island we were living on...me.

We both became pretty miserable at our jobs and moved to Canada in January 1. He was supposed to get a working holiday visa which is easy for Italians to get...but I guess he panicked about suddenly being so serious with me, and didn't apply for the visa by the jan 15th deadline. He figured he'd get a work sponsor.

Fast forward 6 weeks and now he's realized that its not as easy as he thought it would be. He effed up. He didn't want to tell me because he knows I'm pretty stressed re: money from the move etc.

And when he went back to Italy 2 weeks ago, it compounded even more (his brother is getting married) that being with me for a year was actually a huge commitment, and staying here with me even more so.... and he extra freaked out.

He's realized he wants to travel more and isn't ready to settle down and wants to focus on his career. And so he's just leaving me behind.

Apparantly he's really mixed up about it, and his family are totally confused too and upset with him. He said he doesn't know for sure this is the right choice and doesn't want to hurt me. He basically says sorry every other sentence. He said he has no idea and that maybe in a few months he's going to realize what a bleepup this was.

So I guess I'm just that girl that gets dumped because my boyfriends not ready to settle down.

The worst part is is that *I* want to travel. I have a house for sale and once it does, I planned on using some of that money to take a year off and just explore..

Originally Posted by Bex1984:
The worst part is is that *I* want to travel. I have a house for sale and once it does, I planned on using some of that money to take a year off and just explore..

I hope you will be keeping the money you make from the house.

You don't owe him anything at this point. He left you high and dry and responsible for the mortgage.

Enjoy your travels.

May I ask, what are some of the signs you overlooked?

Originally Posted by Bex1984:
The worst part is is that *I* want to travel. I have a house for sale and once it does, I planned on using some of that money to take a year off and just explore..

Take that opportunity to 'explore' as many fine pieces of male architecture in the world as you like *wink* if he is not ready to settle down, don't you be either :)

Ahh, no the mortgage and building were mine before we got involved :-) Here we're renting, but I'd always budgeted in the "just in case he leaves" so I can still afford it.

At least financially, this is a pretty smooth break.

In terms of signs?
He always wanted a big screen tv here, but never bought it.
We were invited to a wedding in June, and he hemmed and haad about going.
There were a few things where I wanted to make "plans" for, that he just kind of let slip.

I just assumed it was because he wasn't working yet and was watching his money. Not that he was going to make a run for it.

Originally Posted by Bex1984:

The worst part is is that *I* want to travel. I have a house for sale and once it does, I planned on using some of that money to take a year off and just explore..

No, that's the best part, because you still get to travel and be able to afford to do so without some wishy washy person dragging you down.

Trust me, when you go traveling, you will meet so many people you will actually have a hard time traveling alone, even if you WANT to travel alone!

Originally Posted by Bex1984:
Ahh, no the mortgage and building were mine before we got involved :-) Here we're renting, but I'd always budgeted in the "just in case he leaves" so I can still afford it.

At least financially, this is a pretty smooth break.

In terms of signs?
He always wanted a big screen tv here, but never bought it.
We were invited to a wedding in June, and he hemmed and haad about going.
There were a few things where I wanted to make "plans" for, that he just kind of let slip.

I just assumed it was because he wasn't working yet and was watching his money. Not that he was going to make a run for it.

What you are observing in hindsight make sense now.

I'm just glad you didn't get your ticket, fly to Italy and then have the bottom yanked out from under you.

You deserve to travel.