From what OP says, she lives in a bizzaro world in, turned on its head, in which fat is thin... and being thin makes you a pariah! Its like that episode of The Twilight Zone, "Eye of the Beholder", which starts out with a girl whose head is wrapped in bandages after plastic surgery to make her look "normal" so that she fits into society. At the end of the episode the doctor removes the bandages and the nurses gasp in horror because they think she is still hideous! The camera then shows the woman and she is actually pretty. It is then revealed that the "normal" people have pig-like faces!

I have a twin sister and both of us are/were ORIGINALLY at the 240 lb mark (I put my starting weight as 160 because I have not been 240 lbs for over two years) and I have lost quite a bit of weight and she has lost none. She justifies her weight by saying most of the same things, that it can't be that bad for you or 'it couldn't happen to you' and because her obese boyfriend apparently loves fat chicks. When I was 240 pounds and a senior in high school, the five minutes you had inbetween classes was literally not enough time for me to get from class to class, especially if there were stairs. I failed 10th grade gym, I couldn't breathe and I had chest pains all the time. Now that I'm down, my blood pressure is down to normally about 95/65, I'm having a lot easier time breathing and have more endurance for physical activities which I never had before. Fat hurts!!

Lol. It does feel like bizzaro world sometimes. I'm sure not all of Newfoundland is like this, I only live in one city and only deal with my own circle, but generally as a culture we do not make a fuss about high weights and we are in general a larger sized population than other provinces or say in comparison to european countries (outside of britain as we are mostly a british culture and they aren't slim either lol) and there can be quite a lot of touchyness here about weight. Youll find this comfortableness with larger weights more so in the older population or 'bay' population ie people that live outside of the city, than you would inside the city . But speaking in generalities people here do not care much about weight and its not unusual to be told to eat more or barked at for bones showing or having small arms or skinny legs or what have you.

People forget that it's not all about them. I don't understand why so many choose to interpret personal decisions as a passive-aggressive commentary.

Hang in there.

One of the items on my Advantages to losing weight card is that my butt will be smaller. A close male friend of mine says he doesn't see that as an advantage. Of course, his opinion doesn't influence my weight choices (and he doesn't expect it to)

It is a good thing, or every woman I know would be after my wonderful DH!

Cherry, for a long time I was somewhat like the people in your town. I mean, I pretty much resigned myself to the idea that I was fat -- and that was how I was going to be. I resigned myself to the thought that because all of my prior efforts to lose weight had failed, I might as well not fight it. So, in a sense I got "comfortable" with the idea that I was fat. I didn't hate myself for being fat or anything like that. But I always knew that it wasn't healthy and that I should lose weight. But even when I was complacent with my obesity and eating all sorts of high caloric food -- when my friends and neighbors would diet, I would always give them credit for having a willpower that I did not have. I did not try to tear them down for doing what I was not doing (and could not at that time do.) That's the part about your original post that is disturbing. Its not that the people you know are ok with their weight. To each his/her own. But the fact that those people don't feel that way, and find it necessary to try to tear you down for your weight loss efforts, is despicable.

It was quite surprising to me that people have acted the way they have. When I was big and someone dieted around me I cheered them on and knew I would do it someday when I was ready and I just wasn't yet ready. I didnt tear them down either. So this is strange to me and I can only think its to do more with themselves than me, that I'm just a Displacement target for something they are battling out with themselves.

There is no reason anyway to bring someone down for losing weight when they have tried so hard, or to tell someone that they shouldn't be losing weight and to be hateful because of it. If they were really comfortable with their weights, they wouldn't make rude comments about your weight loss or healthy eating habits!! I mean I can't say that I'm 100% in the clear, I often times get onto my boyfriend that he needs to eat more, but I feel justified in that because of how thin he is and how vigorous and hard his job is. I would say that a minimum of 3 days a week when I pick him up from work (10 hour shifts slinging trash) he has not had time to eat and has the shakes from not eating enough. But I guess otherwise you gotta be you and do what's good for you, and no matter what anyone says excess weight is never good for anyone I believe

Hogwash, all of it! Those women are lying to themselves if they say that obesity doesn't affect your health. Um, hello, have they been living under a rock their whole lives??? I refuse to believe that there are people out there who are that stupid.

I think this truly is a case of jealousy. You've come so far, and they haven't. Misery loves company, and that's just what they're trying to do - make you miserable!

ok, i'm so going to watch this episode now!!

First off

Now, as to the "real woman" or what a man wants comments.

Do you know what kind of woman a man wants? Really, really, really wants? Not fat, skinny, tall, short, etc.,they want NAKED! Just ask a bunch of them. If a woman is in the room and naked, nothing else matters!

Ummm, yes and no. It depends on what you mean by the question "what do men want?" Do you mean what they want RIGHT NOW... at this very moment? Or do you mean what do they want long term? These are very different questions.

In the short term, most men want sex. Unlike women, many men will have sex with just about any woman. But this in no way means that they are attracted to the person with whom they desire to have sex. They may be to some degree, but not necessarily so. Men are prone to lowering their aesthetic standards and requirements for the purpose of having sex. (i.e., they will have a higher standard for dating somebody for the purpose of getting into a relationship than they will for just having a one-night stand or booty call).

I can't imagine that any self respecting woman would find any comfort in knowing that men will find them attractive enough to have sex with, especially if that same person who will have sex with them has no desire to date them.

While I am attracted to voluptuous women, not all men are like that. As somebody posted above, some men are quite blunt in their internet dating ads that "No fat chicks" need apply. I'm sure most of us have had this experience in our dating lives.

Now I guess this depends on who the man is... because let's just say for instance George Clooney came knocking... well, I wouldn't turn him down just because he wasn't going to walk me down the red carpet...

Very true! And I'm guessing you wouldn't feel the least bit bad about it afterwards! In fact, I imagine you'd tell all of your friends and wear it like a badge of honor!

Ok, so I acknowledge that there is a "George Cloony Exception" to this. But generally speaking, the more attractive the man, the less likely he is going to compromise on his standards - because he won't need to compromise. Its dating economics. The more attractive you are, the more you will be in demand. Its a sliding scale.

This is so true but it doesn't make the person happy. (BTW, I love having your point of view on this forum, Joefla. )

My sister-in-law is one of the prettiest girls I ever met. But her low self esteem and smothering mother pretty much resulted in her marrying the first guy who asked her out. She could have had any guy in the world and she settled for someone not worthy of her, looks or otherwise. It makes me sad, she doesn't see herself the way others do.

When we were younger, I was "jealous" of her. I wanted to look like her, I wanted to be as tall and thin, I wanted to wear slinky dresses without any sign of skin underneath.

But now, being married to her brother, I might not be as pretty or as thin but I am treated like a queen by him! And I wouldn't give up my looks or weight to trade any of that.

My in-laws have very traditional roles in their family so I am the literal outcast. Big mouth and a big body. They think their son married down, esp when I gained more weight and I don't do what he says (in their family, the men are the boss). My husband and I couldn't be happier!

Sorry to go O/T. But people make so much about looks, which I think matter to a point that we should all try to be healthier (thank God all of us here are trying!!) but in the end, looks don't really mean much.

And.....if George Clooney came knocking on my door, I think my husband *might* make one exception in our marriage for me! I don't know if that makes me happy or sad but I'll worry about that in the morning!