Sounds like he's scared if you ask me. And confused, but buying a house, going THROUGH with buying a house that will not work for two is not something easily undone and it would be expensive otherwise.
This is strangely earily familiar to my best friend's relationship where she was planning a log cabin with her boy friend - even selected the front door, etc., but then he dumped her.
Ironically, she bought a house just as she started dating a new guy (like she bought it on their 2nd or 3rd date - he's a carpenter, so she had him go through the house with her to make sure it was solid). 4 years later they got married and still live in that house.
No advice since everyone else has already given you great ones, just wanted to give you a hug and let you know that I agree with the others that you may have dodged a bullet there.
Two red flags here. Doesn't mean the relationship can't work, but it sounds like the two of you are coming at this from different places. Thank you for adding in additional information. Based on your first post, my initial thought was run like the wind. But, your update led to the two red flags for me.
First, it sounds as though your boyfriend considers any house that he buys to be "his" so he gets to make the rules. I'm assuming he's taking out the mortgage, but his comment about both of you working on means that there's a likelihood he will always think of it as "my girlfriend lives in my house" as opposed to "we live together." Second, I can't remember your exact verbiage, but you at least implied that you were ok with the house. Men are extremely literal, don't know how to read between the lines, and would take that to mean that he has a green light.
Also, hopefully you have talked to him by this point. Not talking is not going to resolve the problem. But, it needs to be an unemotional (if that's possible) conversation in a neutral location.
I agree with Krampus.
A 33 year old man who's been in a relationship with someone for almost a year SHOULD be able to sit down and have an adult conversation with his girlfriend about living together. According to your story, he led you to believe you'd be moving in together on more than one occasion, then decided that he didn't want to, and now wants a break.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but like others have said, you may have dodged a bullet. It seems like he has a clear inability to communicate, and that's a key element in relationships. Whatever his reasons are, I don't think he gave you the respect you deserved in this situation.
Generally, a 1 bedroom, 1 bath house isn't the greatest financial decision unless there is room to add additional space and what not. The reason being is housing prices are more sluggish on those but then again they may be cheaper in the first place. I assume anyone buying a 1 bedroom, 1 bathroom house is saying "I really like being single and living alone".
Sounds like he got cold feet. I think taking a break is a good idea. Distance will tell you both if you want to work things our or not. Frankly I think the first red flag was that he got a 1 bedroom house. Whether he realized it or not, that was basically saying he didn't want you to move in with him because you guys had agreed a 2 bedroom would be necessary for you to live together. He probably felt guilty about that so continued with the charade until he realized you were going to try and make the new situation work and then he dropped the bomb.
Be glad he did it before you moved in together, before you invested a bunch of money, and before you gave notice on your current place. What he did was pretty brutal, but thank God for small favors because he could have waited until you were really in a bind.
You guys are so great! Thanks for all the support. I think I did dodge a bullet. I mean it's been two days so I'm not quite sure what's going on- but I haven't talked to him, and he called me this morning and I just ignored it. I've decided that Sunday after work I'm going to see him and talk face to face. I plan on (if he doesn't officially end it) ending it myself.
You guys are so great! Thanks for all the support. I think I did dodge a bullet. I mean it's been two days so I'm not quite sure what's going on- but I haven't talked to him, and he called me this morning and I just ignored it. I've decided that Sunday after work I'm going to see him and talk face to face. I plan on (if he doesn't officially end it) ending it myself.
Good for you. Seriously. You'll be proud of yourself later even if it hurts a bit now.
