Resentment is something I struggle with a lot, and a major factor in my weight gain and binge eating. Last year a situation happened with someone which makes me sick to the stomach, I still can't get my head around it.
Does anyone have any tips or experiences on coming to terms with situations where you have been unfairly treated for no reason? Normally I'd stay away from someone who caused me so much hurt, but since they're family it's not an option. It's almost as if the anger I feel towards them - which I can't vent - I'm just throwing back at myself in the form of comfort eating. I hate that they've got this hold on me and I'm destroying my health with it!
Any ideas would be much appreciated!! x
Last edited by MrsMichael; 01-30-2013 at 05:46 PM.
Family shouldn't be a reason to stick around people that make you angry. I've cut off family members for being bad/abusive people (including my parents) and I'm much happier for it.
I agree with shishkeberry. You have to stay away from negative people. I've had to write off quite a few members of my family and I am much happier for it. By eating out of anger (toward this person) you are letting them attack you again and again. Each time they win.
I agree with the above people...if you can,stay away from said person/people.It can be easier said than done though.I'm going through something like that with a family member now.Can't stand to see or hear anything about said person....but,I am using that as my moving force to get healthy and live my life to the fullest.I'm over stewing about it,because it's just not healthy.One day I'll be able to remove myself from their presence entirely,but until then I am keeping myself motivated.Good luck and
I too have cut out negative people in my life. I literally HAD to, their stressful b/s was starting to affect my life and health so there was no other way. And the worst part, they never considered to this day that their trivial b/s caused the "breakup". Some people are going to be drama queens (and kings) their whole life and think that the world revolves for them and them alone. Well guess what, it doesn't!
I get emotionally invested in my family and friends when they come to me with their problems. Then they get over it and move on or worse, they never try to help themselves to improve the situation.
January 1st 2013 I wrote off a whole pile of people. It broke my heart but I had to do it. And you know what? My stress level has improved oodles and oodles!
They have all just started crawling back and wondering where I am and blaming me for not being in contact but who cares!
Life is too short to waste on fools. If there is someone in your family that you still have to see even if you don't like them, that's fine. But engage in no conversation and invest nothing personal in them. You don't have to and you owe them nothing. Be polite, smile, and thank your lucky stars that the drama is over!
Depending on the situation, sometimes it's good to confront people. Especially if you "have" to see them. Better to air out things than let it simmer and boil over. You may explode on them one day. Try talking to them privately, and let them know what the said/did and how it made you feel. Sometime family members are jerks...so caught up in themselves they don't realize their actions.
If it is something really bad, alone the lines of illegal keep away.
I can't move on from something until I confront the person. I'm pretty good about letting go of the grudge once I've told them how I feel. Not to say that confronting the person solves the problem but I always feel like I've released it from me and now it's on them. Then I just work to accept the person as they are and let it go. There's no sense hurting myself over someone else's BS.
Thanks everyone for your help. It's much appreciated!
Talking to them about my feelings is a dead end, I'm afraid. When I tried to say how hurt I was they hung up the phone, choosing instead to send an e-mail informing me that both myself and my husband were no longer allowed to see our nieces. And we haven't. For almost a year.
The whole thing is so ridiculous to me I think that's why it makes me so angry. I'm not someone who goes around looking for fights or disagreements so this is totally out of my comfort zone. I think the advice to move on and not get involved in anymore drama is definitely the best option. I need to be strong - the support on here today has helped me a lot!
Last edited by MrsMichael; 01-30-2013 at 05:42 PM.
That's just life. You have to learn to just care about your own family (husband, kids if you have any) and not worry about the rest. You just can't please everyone.
I know it's hard because of the kids, but there is nothing you can do. Stop making a priority somebody that is making you an option. They have you as an option, they don't really mind if you see their kids, so you shouldn't mind either.
It is what it is, and you need to focus on you and building a great relationship within your own family.
I'm in the same boat only it's my Dad's wife. Good riddance! I hate that I'm technically no longer allowed in my Dad's home (she owns half but he lets me in when she's out riding her broom) but I don't miss that vile woman for even one minute. He would divorce her but he's 70 and doesn't want to go through a 2nd divorce. Can't say I blame him. It's just very sad because my Mom is passed on and now there's a huge wedge between me and my Dad. Such is life I guess..
Best part is we all live in the same condo building. Imagine that.
is like swallowing poison and expecting someone else to die. I write a letter to the person stating everything I am feeling. Then I shred or burn the letter and let the resentment and anger go. I then decide if I want to keep them in my life.
Something that really works for me is forgiving the other person and letting it go. It sounds like it's hard to do but it really has helped me release my negative feelings. I get angry of course and I wallow in that anger for only a short while before I force myself to look at things through their perspective. I try to assume that the other person has a lot of pain and suffering, that they are not mature, that they are miserable in their own skin and want to make me miserable too, but I won't let them. I mean look, look what they are doing to their own children - depriving them of the opportunity to form a relationship with their own aunt and uncle. If they are willing to do that to their own children, you shouldn't be surprised at how they're treating you. It's sad really, isn't it?
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsMichael
Thanks everyone for your help. It's much appreciated!
Talking to them about my feelings is a dead end, I'm afraid. When I tried to say how hurt I was they hung up the phone, choosing instead to send an e-mail informing me that both myself and my husband were no longer allowed to see our nieces. And we haven't. For almost a year.
The whole thing is so ridiculous to me I think that's why it makes me so angry. I'm not someone who goes around looking for fights or disagreements so this is totally out of my comfort zone. I think the advice to move on and not get involved in anymore drama is definitely the best option. I need to be strong - the support on here today has helped me a lot!
Family shouldn't be a reason to stick around people that make you angry. I've cut off family members for being bad/abusive people (including my parents) and I'm much happier for it.
Yessssssss. I still love them and include them in my prayers, but I don't have to subject myself to craziness because we are on the same family tree!!
Resentment & Weight Loss = Help!
