Hey ladies! So...I finally mustered up the courage to make an OkCupid profile, and I'm talking to a guy who I think I could really like. He's cute and sweet, and he wants to meet. I'm nervous, though, because of my weight.
My profile has several pictures, one of which is full-body. It was taken at my current weight, but I can't decide if it's too flattering. I don't want to misrepresent myself, but I also don't want to purposely put up a less flattering picture than I need to.
For those of you who have done the online dating thing, how did you choose your full-body photos?
More importantly, have you ever gone on a date and had the guy be turned off by your appearance when you felt you were honest with your photos?
I half-met my boyfriend on Okcupid...I say half-met because we were both working an awful overnight shift at Target and had met in person, but he didn't actually approach me and try to make conversation until he found my profile and realized that we had a lot in common. (Nothing like an awkward "Hey, you aren't on the flow team at Target, are you?" message to get the sparks flying, right? )
In any case, I hate pictures. I'm not comfortable in my own skin, and while I wasn't trying to mislead anyone, I wasn't especially fond of the thought of putting pictures of my blubbery self up for anyone with an account to see...I figured that if people hopped straight to the pictures, they'd judge my pudge and not even give me a chance. My solution? I tried to use pictures that give a little insight as to who I am under the rolls. Anyone can put on a pretty dress and try to make themselves look nice. I'm a geeky girl; I like geeky guys. So I threw on my very nerdiest T-shirts for the body shots and captioned them with references to my favorite things. I figured that way, even if people were judging mostly on the pictures, they had a Cliffnotes version of my interests and sense of humor without even glancing at the essay section. I made no attempts to hide my size. I posed like a dork instead of trying to look sexy since I knew that was a losing battle. And you know what? About 80% of the guys contacting me skipped the "I think you're pretty...we should bang," crap and moved right into a discussion about webcomics and Firefly. I went on dates with some of them and am still friends with some online.
As for the misleading pictures part...I never had anyone have that reaction to me, but I may have been unnecessarily awkward when I showed up for a date with a "5'11'' tall guy with "A little extra" " who'd only posted head shots and turned out to be 2'' shorter than me, but with bigger boobs than mine. We still went on the date, I had a half-decent time, and I messaged him after because there was an event we were both interested in the next week, but his reply was something along the lines of "I clearly wasn't what you were expecting...sorry, that date was really uncomfortable for me." I didn't think I was being rude to him, but I must have given him a really confused look when he introduced himself or something. I'm about as tactful as a brick.
It's been years since I Internet dated, but I had great experiences. I was upfront about my weight. So, the guys that were interested were already open to it. And honestly, there are a lot of guys that don't care that much. I was turning down men, not the other way around. The way I look at is that I'm not going to be attracted to all guys out there for various reasons so I shouldn't get too hung up on someone not liking me. I knew there was someone out there for me and I've been happily married for over six years.
I've had great experiences, and for the most part, ended up being friends with the people I've met and dated. The only semi bad experience I had was meeting a guy who I talked to for a week, and he seemed, liderely, madly in love with me, my personality, appearence everything...kinda to the point where it was becomming a bit annoying and overberring....Anyways we met up, chilled for an hour, saying it was a "predate." I thought we had a good time but after I texted to tell him, he said he wasen't feeling it, which made me question my appearence and body, and whether or not I represented myself accurately
Bottom line is, while there will aways be exceptions, weight really dosen't matter as much as we think. We'll always find people we are attracted to more then others, for other reasons besides our bodies, and when meeting someone for the first time, don't let yourself worry about something like that. Just enjoy
If your nervous about your full body photograph tho, maybe ask a friend or relative if the photograph repersents you pretty acurately....
How I choose my photos was just grabbing a few full body shots from facebook, from every angle of me having fun...I honestly think being happy in your photo's shows more then finding the most flattering.
Thanks, gals! I'm glad to hear you've had some positive experiences. I guess I'm still working on believing that a guy doesn't have to have something wrong with him to like me. I tend to assume that if a guy is showing interest he either has made some mistake or has something off about him.
I'm constantly paranoid that somehow guys failed to notice that I'm overweight, despite putting "a little extra" AND including a full length photo of me. I make sure to mention that I'm chubby in conversation (because I'm socially inept). I don't know...I feel like anyone who would want to date me has something inherently wrong with their judgement.
I tend to date guys that I don't find very physically attractive. They're nice and thats attractive...so I guess I just assume folks who like me are looking past my physical appearance as a kindness.
More than a year later, I'm still trying to figure out what's "wrong" with my guy that he sees anything worthwhile in me. I assumed it was poor eyesight, but then he joined the Navy and they confirmed that he has 20/20 vision. I'm stumped.
Apparently some guys are just good guys that aren't as shallow as the rest of the male population has worked so hard to make us believe they all are I'd say meet the guy (naturally in a nice, safe, public place...always be careful when you meet people off the interwebs just in case) and give him a chance. If it doesn't work out, there's seriously tons of other fish in the sea. I'm certainly not what anyone would call a "catch," but I got enough responses on Okcupid that I was turning down guys instead of getting turned down...
I'm constantly paranoid that somehow guys failed to notice that I'm overweight...so I guess I just assume folks who like me are looking past my physical appearance as a kindness.
That's exactly how I feel. I'm just going to try forcing myself to entertain the possibility that my appearance might not be an automatic dealbreaker for all good guys.
Hotaruchan, I'm glad to hear your guy is a sweetie and not shallow (although you are much, much thinner than me!). It's encouraging to hear about nice guys
Last edited by ParadiseFalls; 12-30-2012 at 12:54 AM.
Hey ladies! So...I finally mustered up the courage to make an OkCupid profile, and I'm talking to a guy who I think I could really like. He's cute and sweet, and he wants to meet. I'm nervous, though, because of my weight.
My profile has several pictures, one of which is full-body. It was taken at my current weight, but I can't decide if it's too flattering. I don't want to misrepresent myself, but I also don't want to purposely put up a less flattering picture than I need to.
For those of you who have done the online dating thing, how did you choose your full-body photos?
More importantly, have you ever gone on a date and had the guy be turned off by your appearance when you felt you were honest with your photos?
Oh my gosh, I JUST went through this! I too was very worried about misrepresenting myself. I was worried that he had worked me up in his mind to be something else.. I was worried that he would see me and feel repelled.. etc.
We had a fantastic date and he was very attracted to me.
But let me tell you something - in the end, my weight didn't mess me up. My insecurity and incessant worrying assumtions did. That's the honest, 100% truth. If I had just relaxed, I think we'd possibly be in a relationship right now.
So go, have fun and don't worry!! You will do great
Ah, that's super helpful! Thanks for linking. I remember reading it back when you put it up, but I had forgotten about it. It's good to read all the posts from ladies who say they've seen evidence some guys don't mind their weight
Since I posted this, he did ask if I wanted to get coffee, so we're meeting Saturday. I'm SO nervous. I ended up putting up another picture that I think shows my size, and my "body type" descriptor has been "full-figured" since I made my profile, so I'm really, really hoping he's not surprised by what I look like. We've talked a lot over email and seem like we have a ton in common. Cross your fingers for me!
Ah, that's super helpful! Thanks for linking. I remember reading it back when you put it up, but I had forgotten about it. It's good to read all the posts from ladies who say they've seen evidence some guys don't mind their weight
Since I posted this, he did ask if I wanted to get coffee, so we're meeting Saturday. I'm SO nervous. I ended up putting up another picture that I think shows my size, and my "body type" descriptor has been "full-figured" since I made my profile, so I'm really, really hoping he's not surprised by what I look like. We've talked a lot over email and seem like we have a ton in common. Cross your fingers for me!
I'm crossing my fingers AND toes for you. Update us after Saturday please. I can't stand cliff hangers!
Hey ladies! So...I finally mustered up the courage to make an OkCupid profile, and I'm talking to a guy who I think I could really like. He's cute and sweet, and he wants to meet. I'm nervous, though, because of my weight.
My profile has several pictures, one of which is full-body. It was taken at my current weight, but I can't decide if it's too flattering. I don't want to misrepresent myself, but I also don't want to purposely put up a less flattering picture than I need to.
For those of you who have done the online dating thing, how did you choose your full-body photos?
More importantly, have you ever gone on a date and had the guy be turned off by your appearance when you felt you were honest with your photos?
I have used okcupid, and even if now I've leaved it, it could be a great way to know new people.
I think the bigger problem is being confident with our body. Or, the biggest one is people who aren't what the claim to be, but that's another issue.
I think as long as you have a full body photo it should not be an issue. I met my current boyfriend on okcupid and have dated a few others from there. I have never met up with one of them and felt like they were not attracted to me or turned off by my appearance. And I really do think that there are guys who can see past the extra pounds to your beauty. The problem for me was finding a guy on there who didnt have a "thing" for bigger women. A lot of the guys I dated from there were not so supportive of my weight loss efforts and it was hard to find a guy with the perfect combination of recognizing my beauty but still being encouraging about this.
The problem for me was finding a guy on there who didnt have a "thing" for bigger women.
I worry about that, too. I don't want to date someone who's only attracted to extremely overweight women. Liking curves is one thing, but I don't want to be fetishized rather than legitimately liked.
Last edited by ParadiseFalls; 01-02-2013 at 10:54 PM.
Nervous about an OkCupid date
)
