[LiLLy19]

Originally Posted by bethFromDayton

janeyg25, how was her response 'understanding'? She expects you to be there and she expects you to pay for it. It seems that she wants what she wants and your situation doesn't affect that.

She may be one of those people who don't understand that putting an expensive on a credit card still means you spent the money.

If she is understanding, perhaps she'd be willing to have the party more locally so it didn't require hotel rooms or travel expenses?

Something rubs me really wrong about someone planning a party, insisting people go, and insisting people treat her for the whole thing--and insisting someone else go into debt so they can pay "their share" of the party.

If you really can't afford it, then tell her, and she'll have to accept it--but you can't make her be happy about it or understanding about it.

Agreed 100%

[MrsTryingAgain]

Um, she really doesn't understand the concept of unaffordable. Just cause she can put it on her cc, she still expects you to pay it back. How long will you have to pay it back? A year? 18 months? It's still $$ out of your pocket & who says finances are going to be better in the time she expects her payment?
Call me a pessimist, but until I see the money in my hand or bank account I NEVER count on the being "extra money". Course maybe that comes from having a hubby being declared disabled, fighting to get his medical care & working only part-time at a dead-end job. You never really know what's around the next corner at least not in my world.

[jules26965]

Wow! I have a bit different perspective on this having just gotten married last year. We had a destination wedding, but chose Vegas because we thought it would have reasonable travel prices (also we're in TX and all of our family is in the Northeast - not terribly close to each other). I picked a date that would def be off season and didn't expect anyone to be able to come. I was shocked that we had 65 people there!

Since I was planning a destination wedding, there's no way I would have requested/expected any other sort of big party. My bachelorette party was a barhop of all the bars we used to go to when everyone was single and our guy friends were invited too - so it was like a Saturday night out, but I wore one of those crowns. 2 of my bridesmaids are not the bar types and I told them that they were free not to come since I knew it wasn't what they were into and 1 has a 4yr old and the other lives an hour away. They both came and I was very thankful. I'm happy to say that all of my bridesmaids are still my best friends just as they were before the wedding, as are all of our guests/family, really!

Your friend is being unreasonable. I guess when you're planning a wedding and the numbers are getting to be so large (we spent ~$16,000) sometimes an extra night at a hotel doesn't seem like a lot of money, but your conversation about financial issues should have been a wake up call. I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. Hopefully, she will return to normal post-wedding and this doesn't effect your relationship at all!

[losermom]

Seriously, weddings today are so over the top! OP, please do not feel forced to do anything you are uncomfortable with financially. It will only breed resentment which could ruin the whole bridesmaid experience for you and quite possibly your friendship with the bride.

I speak from experience as having been through my own daughter's wedding last year and her experience as a MOH this past summer. There will always be wedding drama and sometimes it's not the bride that starts it. During our daughter's wedding, it was MIL and SIL who were stirring the pot and creating a stink. At the wedding this past summer it was the other bridesmaids. DD25 was in a state trying to keep all of them happy with the bachelorette party at which topped out at about 25+ people. DD was expected to find a "party bus" on very short notice because no one was willing to drive so that they could get their drink on. DD wasn't able to drive due to medical issues either. All of the other bridesmaids lived in the city where the bachelorette party was taking place but were unable to help plan while DD (and the brides parents) live 1.5 hours away. I was on the phone with her days away from this party furiously trying to find this "bus" that all the bridesmaid kept saying they wanted but none of them were able to cough up either the contact info or money to pay for. I ended up booking a bus--luckily we found one!!--on my credit card. When the bride's mom, who is a friend of mine, heard what was happening, she was furious! She ended up paying for the $500 party bus herself. They invited me to join them but I passed on that cf!