Years ago a co-worker said something like "Have you lost weight?" and I said "Yeah" and he said "Whatever your doing is working, you look great!".. and I never forgot that compliment
I don't know about you but I hardly get compliments and I can pretty much remember every nice thing anyone has ever said to me since Middle School!!
The best compliment I've gotten was from a gal that saw me at Subway. She said "Wow! Summer has been good to you!" Then recently, she said " bye skinny". She, me and the rest of the world can see that I've got a long way to go yet...but it made me smile!
A man and his wife saw me shopping today, he looked at me so strange, and said my name...and "I thought that was you. Did you cut your hair or something?" I wanted in the worst way no, I had lost 75 pounds since they last saw me!
I never thought that I would have a hard time accepting compliments until recently. I'm very uncomfortable with the attention more so than I'm offended by the compliment. I agree that a simple "You look great" is the way to go. One of the security guards in my office building walked up to me and said, "What's the number?" I was mortified. I know that he just meant that he could tell that I've lost weight but I felt he was incredibly inappropriate.
Maybe he was asking you for your number to ask you out!
The trainer at my gym calls me "skinny". He doesn't really know my name, that's just what he calls me. I still have to look around to see if he's really talking to me. But many, many people still are coming up to me and giving me compliments. Some are not so good, and some are really nice. The genuine words are evident, and in no way make me think "Hey lard@ss, it's about time you did something about that backfat- you look almost normal now!" Maybe a simple "You are working hard and it shows- keep up the good work!" would do? Say whatever you would want to hear, and I'm sure it will be well received.
Compliment her! She's won the Triple Crown against weight gain, pregnancy gain, AND thyroid problems! If you're afraid of offending her, tell her she looked great before, but looks super now, or something similar.
If you don't know someone well, I think "You look great," works the best (as long as you don't "gush" so much that it could sound like "You looked ghastly before"). I think most people would love the compliment as long as the tone doesn't convey too much suprise as in "Wow I can't believe you could ever possibly, in a million years, look nearly this good."
I've been offended by compliments in the past. I'm usually very generous in assuming the best of people, but there have been a few people in my life (usually close to me) who have made me feel very low with their compliments. In most cases, I firmly believed that the intent was a back-handed compliment or the compliment was paired with a crushing criticism (as in "Wow you look so good, I sure hope you don't gain it all back like you did last time.")
Probably the best compliment I ever got was actually very poorly executed (by most standards), because it came from an elderly Hmong lady, a vendor at our local farmer's market, who doesn't have the best command of the English language.
She saw me and shouted across the lot, "You Sooo skinny now, you not so very fat any more... 'cuz you eat my vegetables all de time now, yes?"
A woman shopping her stand, had a look of horror on her face at the comment, but her smile and joy for me were just so heart-felt that the words she used didn't matter in the least (or the fact that it drew the attention of a dozen strangers).
I think my favorite is when they can't or don't put their finger on exactly what is different. The mom of one of my teenage dd friend's said this "Wow, you look great! Did you change your hair or something?" That one I loved; but sometimes comments make me feel self-conscious. It isn't so much about what they said or even how they said it...receiving comments about my appearance just makes me a little uncomfortable. I almost always just say thank you and pretty much never say anything more than eating healthier and walking if or when there is any questions about "my secret."
Yep it really is a touchy subject for some people. My coworkers who sit in my row didn't say a word about my weight loss for months until this week. I think they didn't want to hurt my feelings.
But then there's my mom who told me, you don't have that big high butt like you used too - now that one hurt!
So I guess it just depends..
Mariposssa...I agree with you! My Fav is when someone isn't sure what is different. My dentist said on Tuesday, whats different about you, or maybe its the color of your blouse. I just smiled.......
i think compliments should be given. In this particular case, the person must have discussed her personal situation, so I think it's perfectly fine to make mention of her progress. I also believe it's best to keep any reference to the past out of the compliment - as in "Gee you look great - lots better than before." Just a heartfelt, "Gee, you look wonderful" should do it.
Some people that are very heavy start thinking that any compliment is born out of pity. That was a major issue for me. Compliment her anyway. Eventually she'll value it.
I agree with everyone. Make it a statement like "wow you look great!" Most people losing weight have issues with compliments and that is ok but deep down, of it is said right, it feels good. AND you are not responsible for how she feels! You are just stating a fact and being nice!
My dad is bad about weight related stuff, too, though not as bad as what some of you have gone through. He talks about women and how too many of them are large. I remember one thing he did in particular. It was when I was younger, and actually a pretty good weight I think. He, my brother, and I went out to breakfast. My brother ordered something like pancakes or waffles, and then I decided to get the same thing. My dad said something about that being a bad idea, and I pointed out that my brother was getting it, too. His response? "Well, he can afford to." I refused to eat anything for that breakfast after that. I know he doesn't mean to be insensitive, but the way he views women and their weights really gets to me sometimes. Fortunately, when I lose weight his compliments are usually pretty straight-forward and good.
My dad is bad about weight related stuff, too, though not as bad as what some of you have gone through. He talks about women and how too many of them are large. I remember one thing he did in particular. It was when I was younger, and actually a pretty good weight I think. He, my brother, and I went out to breakfast. My brother ordered something like pancakes or waffles, and then I decided to get the same thing. My dad said something about that being a bad idea, and I pointed out that my brother was getting it, too. His response? "Well, he can afford to." I refused to eat anything for that breakfast after that. I know he doesn't mean to be insensitive, but the way he views women and their weights really gets to me sometimes. Fortunately, when I lose weight his compliments are usually pretty straight-forward and good.
Ugh...my mother used to do this. I called her the Food Police because whenever I was around her, she would monitor whatever I ate. "Two glasses of wine?" "French fries instead of a side salad?" She thought that she was being helpful but all it did was encourage me to eat in secret. Parents sometimes try to bully their kids into doing what they want them to do. I just hope I don't do the same thing to my kids.
Y'all should have met my great aunt Berne. She was the QUEEN of that sort of weight bullying. All her children struggled with obesity (it was in their father's - my grandma's brother's -genes). She would berate you for your size and then heap another spoon of mashed potatoes or creamy pasta on to your plate. The only person spared from her wrath, for some reason I don't get, was my dad. He was the biggest of all of them, but he could do no wrong in her eyes.
The last time I saw her was at her husband's funeral. I was holding one of my cousin's kids, and she said "you don't even have a lap for him to sit in!"
