Nothing anyone can say to you is going to take the pain away. It truly is a horrible feeling, physically and emotionally. I had a short lived marriage of 3 years with someone I knew didn't love me... Yet I went through with the wedding anyway. I'm not sure why. I suppose at the time I felt like he was all I deserved. I left him eventually, after years of cheating and verbal abuse. However, it still hurt as if he was the one who had left me... Afterall, he had emotionally checked out of our relationship before we even got married. It was many years of heartache... Many years I can never get back! Sometimes I kick myself for not leaving earlier... However, I'm a big believer in the saying "everything happens for a reason." I am now with an amazing man who DOES love me and makes sure I know it every day. You have to believe you deserve more. Because you do! Do this for yourself and your son... Because you both deserve to be loved unconditionally.
I know it hurts. I wish peace for you, to take the good and learn from the bad and little by little, day by day, you'll get stronger. And then the day will come that you will look back & smile at the memories, but notice the pain is gone. That day WILL come. And then you'll know you're ready to find love again, and it's miraculous.
Someone once told me that every relationship you have, each person that comes into your life, brings their own paint brush & paints something on your canvas. These relationships can be a quick meeting or a few years in the making... the point is, when all is said & done, you are who you are because of your past experiences. Your canvas has many brush strokes... some bold, some light, some long, some short, some good, some bad... but the point is, you've learned something from each of them. Now, you have the chance to offer something incredible to the next person you meet & love. And you see, all those other relationships? They're just PRACTICE for your FUTURE relationship that really will be "the one."
Last edited by Beach Patrol; 10-11-2012 at 02:56 PM.
You deserve to be #1 in someone's life. No one person is worth this much pain. Get yourself pulled together and know you are worth it. You are a beautiful woman and deserve a person who knows what they have.
I've never understood "in love" verses "love" "I love you but I'm not in love with you." Makes no since.
Love isn't always the butterflies in the tummy feeling you get when you first fall in love, love is the "Hey, look, you're barfing your guts up, let me get you a bucket, you lay down and I'll clean this mess up"
My sister gave me wondeful advice many years ago, "it's better to be friends then to be in love, if you are friends-you'll develop a better loving relationship/ friendship, if you are in love, you fall out of love."
Feel the pain, don't eat it (like I would). You deserve better.
I am so sorry you've had to go through this, and I know it doesn't seem like it now, but one day you will be glad this happened. You're right, you deserve to be with someone who is SO in love with you, and doesn't need to question it at all.
It will be sucky for a while, of course, but just be selfish, put yourself first and heal. It will get easier.
I know exactly what you're going through because the same thing happened to me two weeks ago. I'm going through a very similar break up and have been trying really hard to not think about it. But it's hard. Everything still reminds me of him. I'm so sorry for you. I wouldn't wish this kind of pain on anyone and I really hope you feel better
Reading your post really bubbled my own feelings to the surface. I've been trying to focus all my energy and attention on working out and getting healthier because I honestly at this point think if I can make my outside appearance better, I'll feel better on the inside as well. I wish I knew what to tell you to make you feel better. But I wanted to write you to let you know you're not going through this alone.
Everyone will tell you that you're better off, but it's hard to cope when all you want is for him to be there and comfort you. Like a lot of others, I went through the same thing - he told me he loved me, but wasn't in love with me and was looking for something more. I was heart-broken and couldn't get out of bed for weeks. I lost a lot of weight (in a completely unhealthy way) because of not eating or sleeping. I was pretty miserable. I focused on all the good times we had, even when there were so many signs that led to the breaking point.
Luckily, I had amazing friends that stood by me. It wasn't them that pulled me out of my funk, it was when I realized that I would be okay and be better off without him. It's okay to miss him, but know for yourself that you'll be better off this way. If you stayed in the relationshipo you can't spend the rest of your life wondering if he's in love with you or not. I think it would drive you crazy. You'll find someone who will put you first and who will be madly in love with you and your son. Some people need time to heal alone. Other people are different and want to jump right back in. Whatever person you are, good luck! Everyone is here for you! Send me a message if you want to talk more! Just remember to take care of you. *hugs*
Lean into the pain...brilliant. I remember the first time I had my heart broken...I thought I would die. I didn't know anyone could live with that kind of pain. Then it happened again and even though I was older and more in love with the person, the pain was bearable because I knew that I would be ok eventually. You're going to be in pain for awhile and that sucks but then one day the pain will be less and less.
I'm sorry you're going through this, break ups are horrible. I don't know if you've done this already, but I wanted to suggest throwing out keepsakes/mementos. Obviously you can't get rid of furniture you bought together, but throwing away reminders helped me a lot when my longterm relationship ended. There were some things I couldn't bear to get rid of initially, so I packed them in a little bag and shoved them in the back of a closet. A year or so later I'd more or less forgotten it was there, looked at them and realized I no longer wanted any of it.
Last edited by CabernetKitty; 10-18-2012 at 08:14 AM.
So sorry to hear this hun , I know as many words wont heal your pain right now but try and be strong.
Its easier said than done as i know id be a mess in same situation. But at end of day its his loss, you cant just toy with peoples emotions like that and set up a life and home and string people along he should have been straight from the start.
Be the better person and move on, move on faster that he even thought you could he will be licking his wounds soon enough when he realises what a BIG mistake he made, LOTS of hugs hun xx
