Depressed - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

surfergirl2 · 06-05-2012, 06:55 AM

I broke up with an ex a while ago but i still run into him often. He really hurt me when we broke up. I was fine for a long time--a bit bitter but not sad or anything--until i ran into him with his new girlfriend recently. That just made me sad all over again and i can't stop being sad. I think this is actually weight-loss relevant because i think my self-esteem is tied to my weight. I was losing weight a few weeks ago and i was feeling good about myself. Then around the same time ran into him with the ex, i also started to gain some of the weight back so now i'm pretty much feeling low in every way. I wish i could just move on! But it's so hard when every day i face the possibility that i could run into him and his girlfriend...it's a daily reminder of the hurt i went through.

nelie · 06-05-2012, 07:21 AM

It gets better. At the end of a relationship, you should try to focus on the positives. You have time to be independent and focus on you.

TiffNeedsChange · 06-05-2012, 08:43 AM

Try to remember why you broke up with him. Sometimes when we miss an ex or get upset we forget ehy we didn't want to be with them. As for the hurt feelings, it may be inevitable but you will feel better in time. When you go to eat more than you should try to stop and think what is druving that hunger. I hope you feel better soon.

astrophe · 06-05-2012, 08:57 AM

How long is a "while ago?" Sometimes it just takes extra time if it hasn't been that long or if you haven't felt like you got closure.

But living your life in dread because you might bump into them at the grocery is no way to be either -- he can no longer hurt you. You are not his girlfriend any more.

You are removed from his circles and at the most it's the polite "hi/bye" that you'd give any stranger. You can even make his hi/bye a bit cool.

You will be ok.

A.

collingwood · 06-05-2012, 09:01 AM

You have to learn to move on with your life, he has moved on with his and you too will find someone else who will be that special someone for you.

I know it's hard, we have all been there and experienced losing someone we love and having to deal with seeing them again moving on with their life.

You should treat your relationship with that person as experience and good experience for future relationships. We all look back from time to time and wonder what if....etc, but standing still and dwelling on the past ends up being a waste of energy that you could be putting in to yourself or towards another relationship.

Hold your chin up and be proud that your doing something positive about your weight and carry that positive energy with you, that's what will get you the result you want for yourself and there will be a fair chance someone special will see that positive energy and be attracted to you. And here is a hug to get you started

beerdrinker · 06-05-2012, 09:30 AM

Time is my new best friend.

I'm going through something similar to you right now. I broke up with my ex in Nov. and now we're next door neighbors. How about that for the worst idea ever?

He's a great guy and we were excellent together, but we're just better off as friends. He recently has a new girlfriend whom I saw for the first time the other evening. It was like a knife in my stomach. I saw her on Thursday. I cried almost every day after that about it until Saturday. Sunday I was better. Monday I was better. Today, I'm even better. The folks who posted replies and advice to your post are great. I'd like to thank you for your post, and thank you to the folks who replied.

You will be okay.

melodyjoy · 06-05-2012, 11:07 AM

Surfergirl2,
I'm sorry you are going through an emotionally difficult time. A lot of good advice has already been given here.You have to concentrate on what an awesome person you are and how you are treating yourself with love and respect by taking care of your body. I promise you the right guy is out there looking for you too and you want to be ready in every way for when you finally meet up with him. I know things may feel hard now but I want you to think about one of the best lines ever spoken after a difficult break-up:

LIVING WELL IS THE BEST REVENGE!

Ivana Trump

In the mean time, do the "Happy Dance" for yourself everyday. Celebrate your life. Dancing does actually produce endorphins and make you feel better.

surfergirl2 · 06-05-2012, 11:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by beerdrinker

Time is my new best friend.

I'm going through something similar to you right now. I broke up with my ex in Nov. and now we're next door neighbors. How about that for the worst idea ever?

He's a great guy and we were excellent together, but we're just better off as friends. He recently has a new girlfriend whom I saw for the first time the other evening. It was like a knife in my stomach. I saw her on Thursday. I cried almost every day after that about it until Saturday. Sunday I was better. Monday I was better. Today, I'm even better. The folks who posted replies and advice to your post are great. I'd like to thank you for your post, and thank you to the folks who replied.

You will be okay.

Beerdrinker, i wasn't going to post all the specific details because i like to remain somewhat anonymous online...but when i saw your post, i had to tell you: my ex is my neighbor. We met in the apartment complex (small building, less than 20 units) and dated and broke up and i run into him all the time. It sucks. I knew he had a new girlfriend because i saw her car parked there all the time, but i didn't see her until recently and like you said, it was like a knife in my stomach.

We only dated for 3 months but it was somewhat of an emotional rollercoaster, and we broke up in October. So it's been a LONG TIME, way too long to still be sad! I would be waaaay over it by now if i didn't have to see him and his new girlfriend all the time. I don't miss him or anything; it's the whole situation that depresses me. And i think the passing of time is actually making it WORSE because i'm just remembering the highlights of the relationship, i.e. the shitty things he did to me, instead of remembering the fact that we are just incompatible in so many ways in day to day life.

surfergirl2 · 06-05-2012, 02:46 PM

Maybe it is time for me to apply the same philosophy from losing weight to this situation: just suck it up. Stop indulging my fears/weaknesses/pain. Just like with dieting, it takes strength but you can either choose to stay unhappy, or choose to better yourself. So i think i need to try harder to get over this.

Natasha22 · 06-05-2012, 05:58 PM

Living next door to your ex sucks, there's no way I can sugar coat this. It's just difficult because being in a relationship with someone (no matter how badly that relationship ended) means you connect to that person; all the intimate moments shared together, conversations, goofing around sessions, they create a bond. And once that bond is broken, it hurts because you know you can never go back.

The good news is that time does make things better. You will meet someone new, you will fall in love and you'll begin to wonder "Why on earth did I feel so miserable all this time?". You will eventually run into your ex and his girlfriend and just say "hi" with no bitterness, sadness or angst hiding behind that salute.

What you need to do in the meantime is focus on you: stick to your weight loss plan, hang out with your friends, get creative, join a book club, go swimming, find activities that fulfill you and make you happy.

surfergirl2 · 06-05-2012, 06:18 PM

Thanks everyone...i hope it does get easier, although it's already been 8 months

Well i am going to try to channel this negative energy into motivation to lose weight and look great the next time i run into them. I know it doesn't matter...and i should be losing weight for myself (which i definitely am)...but perhaps this will give me extra motivation. If i can feel confident when i run into them, it will just be so much easier.