Exactly, there are a lot of Christians who call them selves that but are not Christ like.

I can understand, I wouldn't be comfortable either. I wasn't raised with any religion which has been really wonderful for me. However I can understand as many of my friends are in the same situation as you are.

To be honest I'm not sure what you should do. If it's not possible to be honest with your family about your feelings (which is a real shame) then I guess your option is to politely decline and maybe tell them that you're not comfortable with singing/not something you enjoy. Not really sure what else you can do other than to make up something else or start doing something at the same time the choir would meet.

I occasionally have to go to church and that's ok, I don't make a big deal about it. However because I didn't grow up regularly going (except those times the Catholic school made me go, after they told me I was going to ****) I find the experience bizarre. Like during the prayers I'll sit there peacefully, but I will not kneel.

Good luck with whatever you do and I hope your family will accept your (lack of) beliefs.

If you don't want to join the choir -- then don't! Just politely decline like you would if they asked you to join any other club you are not interested in. It isn't necessary to lie either. Just say, "Thanks for asking me, but I'm not interested in that activity."

If your father and grandfather bring it up; just give them the same answer -- which is the truth.

Complicated situation, more so since you are still at home. Not sure what will be the best way to handle it since you definitely don't want to rock the boat with your family. You've gotten lots of good advice here.

I can relate. I don't feel like I belong in a church either. I have always been very respectful of our religious family members and friends, but it doesn't fit with my beliefs. I actually feel as though attending church under false pretenses would be almost disrespectful to the church, I mean this only for myself, not for you. For you, it's a matter of keeping the peace and still being respectful to your family. As long as you are respectful of how they feel I should hope they would do the same for you. But then again, they may just be insulted.

Can you just keep doing what your doing and talk your way out of the choir thing? Maybe tell them it's more of a commitment than you want to take on right now. Unless you really feel like it's okay for you and it's not a big deal....

My own faith is very imperfect. I strongly identify with Thomas (in fact, I think I'm probably a much bigger doubter, because I'm not sure I would have found it so easy to believe even after touching the actual wounds of Christ).

I also am having problems (currently) with finding a church home. We're no longer comfortable with our former church (long story, and it could easily be used as justification for the belief that organized religion is corrupt - but it's not religion so much as people). Churches are made up of people and people do, feel, and think all sorts of crazy, mixed up things.

If you're just unsure of what you actually believe, or have difficulty believing or relating to others in the church, or even if you disagree with the church on some really big issues, doesn't mean you have to give up being Christian or give up going to church.

To be completely honest, there are days when I "feel" like an agnostic, or even an atheist, but most of the time I don't trust those feelings. I've experienced a few miracles in my life, and coincidence does not seem like the most likely explanation.

I've always liked the quote, "Churches are not museums for saints, but hospitals for sinners." Of course churches become jaded, twisted, and even corrupt - because they're made up of imperfect (sometimes super imperfect) people.

Not everyone who believes themselves to be a Christian, actually is. And some of what we're taught (or what we learned from the teachings) might even be pretty far from what God intended us to learn.

I think there's plenty of room in churches for us doubters and questioners. We don't have to "know" what's right, we just have to be willing to try to be open to learning it.

I'm not sure if my messed up faith (because sometimes my belief is very weak) is the kind of faith that the church teaches is necessary for salvation. I hope that it is, and I'm doing the best I can (well that's not true. I know I could do better).

If you're in the "uncertain" or even fully agnostic (or even atheistic with an openness to the possibility that you could be wrong), I don't think there's anything wrong or duplicitous about participating in church and church activities. You don't have any obligation to disclose the extent of and specific difficulties-of-belief with everyone in the church (though it might help to discuss with a sympathetic pastor or Christian counselor).

It's not hypocritical to be unsure of what (or even if) you believe.

It is true that not everyone goes to church or gets involved in church activities for the "right," reasons. There are some who go because they want to be seen in a certain way. There are some who go because they've been badgered into it. Ther are some who go because they've always gone and it's a habit or ritual more than a meaningful celebration or communion with others. Some go because they want their lives to be better for selfish reasons.

And all of those reasons I just mentioned, don't even necessarily make the person a hypocrite or a bad- or non- Christian. Even when a person is trying to have as pure of a motive as they are able, hidden agendas creep in.

I'm not suggesting that you participate in the church choir or in any other church activity or membership if you do not want to, but if you DO want to, then imperfect faith doesn't have to be a stumbling block.

If you feel as though "everyone else" has or believes something you don't, I think you'ld be surprised. A lot of Christians, especially in the modern world do struggle with belief. Not only whether they believe, but even what they believe.

I'm not suggesting that you act in a way you find hypocritical, just pointing out that ambiguous and mixed feelings aren't necessarily hypocricy.

I'll also mention that these people know I was in my school's choir -- they know I sing, which makes it worse, lol. Like seriously, for their purposes, there is no reason why I shouldn't join. The only reason for me not joining is because I feel kinda like what Gogirl008 said, by being in there under false pretenses, I feel not only as if I don't belong, but as if I'm disrespecting the people who are actually there because they actually do believe in what is being taught there.

I don't know; I'm probably not going to join. I still feel kinda guilty though. =/

Not every church is the right fit for YOU. Even if they are in the same denomination. They each have their own vibe/sub culture depending on the size/type it is. A pastoral church is a different vibe than a mega church for instance.

Did you consider that so you can let go of some of this guilt thing?

Don't participate, be ok with that. The church isn't going to end just because you aren't in the choir right now.

If your family/town life is such that you cannot voice your own belief system and feel safe, find a way to have an out.

For example -- "Oh, I don't mind coming once in a while, Dad. Just not all the time. I'm in my young adult phase."

A.

I would just be honest. I am completely agnostic coming from a strict roman catholic family. Not easy.. with my parents I'm really direct, it's not my beliefs and it's not in my interests to support a church. They know I wouldn't be caught dead in church other than a family event - baptism, wedding, funeral... (even then it is a really uncomfortable place for me to be.) Does not stop my father from telling me I should go to church every time I talk to him but, w.e.

I've always been upfront about my beliefs... from the age of 8 lol, so maybe my opinion is skewed since I am seeing a lot of don't rock the boat advice. I would never discuss it with other family members, it would be an embarrassment to my parents and it's just not necessary as they don't have to know and I wouldn't want to hear what they had to say if they did! IDK, I want my parents to know who I am and they still love me even though we don't agree.

Have you read the book The Shack? That summed everything up for me.

I come from a devout Catholic family. I lOVED my church. Then I moved. I can't stand the church near me. The one far away is totally cool, but driving 25 miles to get there is a pain.

Here's what I do: I pray. Every day. All the time. I am HUGE into my faith, just not religion.

I think that's OK.

Politely decline. Let it go. God knows where your heart is. He didn't invent religion. He is a guidance that you obviously respect.

Lots of great advise.

I am an agnostic person who grew up in a very religious home. Funny thing; my "adult" friends think I knew nothing of Bible...we played a game as couples and I kicked arse in that category...hehe

Anycase, you may live with your parents but you are an adult. Say say no thanks, with a smile (I rather go drinking and bar hopping thoughts in your head)

I come from a family full of atheists and was raised that way... and am now a Christian (became one 3 years ago). Although I thought being honest was the best policy I get ridiculed by my family all the time. I dont talk about my beliefs with them because once I told them I was going to church they taunted me with disrespectful comments. If I still lived at home I don't know what would happen, but Ive been married 3 years and out of the house longer. I still visit them and spend time with them but I keep those parts of my life separate.

I am a singer and I don't want to join the choir at my church. I am a music teacher so I got asked all the time. I finally told the music director it wasn't the right fit for me, and she told the choir director to back off a bit.

I hope it all works out!

Since you've already sung in a choir,you can just tell them that you're burnt out and not in the mood to sing at the moment.After being in the school choir for church,and then not getting the option of choir my freshman year of high school...I was so glad when I didn't have to go out for choir my sophmore year.You don't even have to mention anything about religion or how your beliefs have changed.

I think it is entirely possible to avoid the "your personal beliefs" question in regards to this specific dilemma and just politely yet firmly state you have something else to do/don't care to sing in the choir.

I also don't think you're disrespecting anyone by electing to sing in the church choir. Plenty of people in any given church/mosque/synagogue/temple are just there because they want to believe or because they want to make someone they love happy.

I think you should do whatever feels best for YOU! If you feel uncomfortable, you are allowed to say no! Like the other ladies have said, kindly decline (if that's what you decide to do) and thank them for the offer.
I can definitely relate to you, as my Dad's side of the family are devout baptist, and I was raised United. Once I hit my teens I began to question the whole aspect of religion. Luckily, my parents are very open and encourage my sister and I to make choices for us. My dad's favorite line is "Take care of number 1", meaning to look out for yourself first. That being said, I would never tell my Oma about my beliefs as I think it would send her into a tizzy!
Good Luck!!

I have been in your situation. My parents are quite active in their church. My mom ALWAYS pesters me to go to church with them although they live 45mins away from my house and their church is another 20-30 mins away for their house. And my mom would beg and beg for me to go to church with them, but it was not for me.. it was for her to show off her "perfect family" to others at church.

I stood firm and said no... eventually she got the message and leaves me alone for the most part. She still pesters me sometime, but she shuts up when I say no.