It took us 4 hours last night to order our tickets for our summer vacation. My husband was being unbelievably irritable. My Mother in law was being unbelievably annoying. Even our teen blew his lid in an unrelated thing which then set my husband off... OMG...
"Is this a preview of what's to come for the trip?" I wondered as I went to sleep, finally, last night.
Then this morning I had to listen to a 45 minute tirade from my mother-in-law about how she's upset that her son is complaining about giving up time on vacation to take her to the bank and to the grave so she can get things set.
Seriously? We are ALLLLL flying to Croatia - just the flights cost $8000 and to give up 1-2 days with ALL FIVE OF US to do business? We asked her to fly out early if she had business to do - she didn't want to do that. She wants to secure/finalize the grave for the next five years NOW... when it still has more than a year left on that contract and she's trying to force it on my husband who could care LESS about that grave and I know, KNOW that after she dies and that contract expires, he'll sell the grave and be done with it. Why maintain a grave across an ocean that no one will ever visit?
We haven't been to Croatia as a family for 6 long years (older son and husband have gone) as it's too expensive and she wants to give up time for business - tying up the whole family? When she goes EVERY YEAR???? WHY????
And then, my husband not being the sentimental type doesn't want to be forced to do something he thinks is pointless. This is how our vacation is STARTING... it doesn't help our last two trips to Croatia as a family was ruined by old people trapping us so that we spent weeks isolated and bored. Who wants to spend over 15,000 to be bored? We can do that for free at home.
OMG!!!! My teen isn't happy that he has to share a bed with his grandmother for 3 weeks. We have to share a room with our 7 year old for 3 weeks and travel with a 77 year old who think she can still drive there when she's afraid to drive here (and hasn't driven there in over a decade). She gets tired walking a mile here, but she thinks she can walk around town all day there? She doesn't think we need more than one cell phone for the family as we will be always together. WHAT?????
To make it even worse is that she is paying for food/hotel/stuff there. We are paying for the flights. Now, when I say she is paying for it, it's not quite true... She doesn't pay for any food, phone, electricity, cable, internet here. So, this will basically make it even for the year. (it was always agreed that we would cover the mortgage and split appropriately the rest - we just don't ask for it in monthly sums, but use the 'backpay' for home repair usually). But she keeps saying, "Well, I will pay for it, but... fill in the blank.
Part of me wished the whole trip would have fallen through as I'm SCARED it's going to be another very expensive disaster. But... tickets are now bought - nearly $8,000 for the 5 of us. But I'm stressed out...
I haven't eaten though - despite crappy sleep last night. Just my normal protein rich breakfast (so far), but OMG!!!!
This is just a vent and I know it might sound spoiled as we are getting to take a nice vacation, but because my husband and MIL are FROM Croatia, we always have to spend our vacations there - we never get to go anywhere else as there isn't money to go anywhere else, so if/when these are diasterous trips, we are then broke and not happy.
Well, I've got to tell you I do not wish to trade vacations with you. I don't actually have one planned but the boredom of staying home sounds good to what you are going through. I know you will make the best of it and when you get back home, if you have any money left go away by yourself for at least a weekend.
Really, does the teenager have to sleep with the grandmother? I'd be upset too.
Can't he take a sleeping bag?
Well, I think he would rather sleep with his grandmother than on the floor for 3 weeks. Plus, MIL wouldn't go for that, "My poor Adrian." and so on. This whole "not sharing" space thing is very American - she won't get that (and neither would anyone there) of not sharing a bed versus sleeping on the floor. He's done it before, but the older her gets, the less he likes it... Maybe we can work out something else for some places. Like maybe have him sleep in the cot and the 7 year old with his grandmother.
Honestly, I wouldn't view this as a vacation. It sounds like more of an obligatory family visit. If you were just going with your immediate family without your MIL, then yes, it would be a vacation where you would have space for everyone and be able to do the things YOU all want to do. As it is, this is a trip so that grandma and dad can visit the relatives and take care of business in "the old country."
As such, I would say that you should make it known that since this trip is not about what you want, you and your husband will be planning a shorter trip (in one or two years when you can save up some money) to a destination that will be completely about what both of you want. Your MIL should NOT be included. Just because she lives with you, does not mean she has to come along on every vacation (maybe you can plan your vacation when she goes on her yearly trip to Croatia). She should understand that.
Like maybe have him sleep in the cot and the 7 year old with his grandmother.
This seems like a better fit. It'd be awkward to share a bed at that age, I think (hormonal changes could make that awkward, for one).
You can think of this two ways. Either it's a sign that the vacation is bound to be a nightmare (which is a rather fatalistic way of looking at it), or, you're getting a chance to work out everyone's expectations and concerns ahead of time so that the vacation goes smoothly.
I would call some sort of family discussion to work out these issues. Talk to grandmother about why you don't want to have to all take care of the business stuff together. Make expectations about how much of each day, approximately, you'll be together vs when you get personal space (maybe you do breakfast and dinner together each day, but are on your own for a few hours at lunchtime, for example), and make sure you set up those boundaries and expectations for your teenager as well. So for example, you could agree that during one of the afternoons where you are split up and can do your own thing, Grandma can get her business transactions done, you and your husband and younger child can go to some local attraction, and your teenager (I'm not sure of his age or your comfort level with this...would be a different situation for a 17 year old vs a 13 year old) could explore within a 3 block radius of your hotel with his own cell phone.
Honestly, I think clear expectations on who is paying for what, who is spending what time together, and who dictates the schedule of what everyone does as a group are CRUCIAL to making vacations go well in mixed groups. We have gone on trips with family or friends, and the times we've had these conversations, things have gone smoothly - the times we didn't have these conversations, things devolved quickly into WW3 and no one had any fun.
As a teen, I would hope that I never, EVER have to share a bed with one of my grandparents. I love them, but it would just feel creepy. I shared a bed with my grandmother once when I was about 8, and it was fine. The only problem was that I moved around too much. So if grandma is a light sleeper, then perhaps the boys could share a bed, and grandma can shack up with you and your husband?
If you family is anything like my family, things will turn out fine. When we go on a trip anywhere, my family tends to argue and fight about everything because they're stressed out. But once everything is prepared and we're on the road, everyone gets along.
We can't put grandma on a cot. She needs a comfortable bed, but I told hubby we need to work on getting a space with different beds so they don't have to share.
A difference in culture at work here. I am a mother, MIL and grandmother and would never have such a hissy fit, but then I an American but I have two DIL neither of them are American born they are from opposite sides of the world and we all get along fine, I have learned some of their customs and they have learned some of ours . I figure they have chosen to marry American men and live in the US that includes an American MIL. Your problem is just the opposite with your MIL but it seems like she could bend a little bit. I am sure you have thought of all of this, good luck.
I guess I cant view it as a vacation for me... and more of a "this is for my MIL". it's the ONLY time we are ever doing this (never done it before and will never do it again). I will survive. Problem is, it's so expensive, that we can't then afford to have a vacation!
This seems like a better fit. It'd be awkward to share a bed at that age, I think (hormonal changes could make that awkward, for one).
You can think of this two ways. Either it's a sign that the vacation is bound to be a nightmare (which is a rather fatalistic way of looking at it), or, you're getting a chance to work out everyone's expectations and concerns ahead of time so that the vacation goes smoothly.
I would call some sort of family discussion to work out these issues. Talk to grandmother about why you don't want to have to all take care of the business stuff together. Make expectations about how much of each day, approximately, you'll be together vs when you get personal space (maybe you do breakfast and dinner together each day, but are on your own for a few hours at lunchtime, for example), and make sure you set up those boundaries and expectations for your teenager as well. So for example, you could agree that during one of the afternoons where you are split up and can do your own thing, Grandma can get her business transactions done, you and your husband and younger child can go to some local attraction, and your teenager (I'm not sure of his age or your comfort level with this...would be a different situation for a 17 year old vs a 13 year old) could explore within a 3 block radius of your hotel with his own cell phone.
Honestly, I think clear expectations on who is paying for what, who is spending what time together, and who dictates the schedule of what everyone does as a group are CRUCIAL to making vacations go well in mixed groups. We have gone on trips with family or friends, and the times we've had these conversations, things have gone smoothly - the times we didn't have these conversations, things devolved quickly into WW3 and no one had any fun.
Oh how I wish we could have family discussions. My husband and I do with our kids, but when it comes to my MIL? There is no DISCUSSING with her if it disagrees with what she wants/plans. She's difficult. VERY difficult. But we do need to sit down before summer gets here and say, "we would like to do this and this while you and the little guy do this and this if you want - or we can take the little guy with us (she never watches the 7 year old, so I don't know how that will go). Seriously, she is a VERY diffcult person who hates change. it's lovely, right
My family is stressing me out over something...
