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I guess part of it is how to let go of my hatred for her and move on. She isnt contacting me anymore so that helps. I tried to keep a line of communication open. Tried to make it just questions about the boys but she wants me to be that mother figure I tried to be for her. She thought I was mad at her for what she did to my son. I told her no, he's a grownup, I was mad at the medical neglect, (no immunizations, not taking care of the pidgeon toe in that could have easily been corrected much earlier) and the fact she could just throw away the boys.
I have so much anger towards her. Its simply not healthy.
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Let it out somewhere. Not necessarily at her though, since you want to break contact. I don't know what she's got going on or what she's enduring that would make her choose this path like that. I shan't judge.
But she's not your responsibility. She's taking up too much brain space as it is, no need to invite her to take up more.
It's like you need to purge the anger just for YOU and your betterment and health. Not so much HER needs and her health and betterment. She can take care of that part herself.
Keep writing it out. Then burn it or bury it or whatever.
Talk to more people about it -- safe people. But pick the right people. A counselor, a trusted friend, a trusted relative, a hotline, whoever. But not anyone too close to the fire -- your son, your spouse. I know they have going through this in common with you, so you may be tempted. But unburdening to them makes THEIR load that much heavier sometimes. So I'd be cautious about it with having them be your safe person.
Or speak it to a rock and then fling that sucker as far as you can throw it into a lake, pond, ocean, river, etc.
Take time to read the serenity prayer in full. That always helps me -- there's many versions, and the first part is the most quoted but the original is here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer
I'm not Christian, but derive a lot of comfort from that prayer.
You will get through this tough time. Hang in there.
A.
