I've been doing well losing weight, and I had remembered a picture a friend posted a while back. It was a photo of a pillow that had the well-known anorexia "phrase": Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.
I had posted it up on Facebook out of a random urge one night, though I don't do anything related to anorexia or bulimia. I make sure I don't overeat or undereat, with a random cheat day thrown in once in a while. I just felt the phrase was correct at the time, since sugary foods started to taste bad, and fitting in smaller clothing felt good. My comment on the photo was the joke, "And yes, I've tried Nutella."
"They'll just ignore it," is what I thought. I hardly ever get a like or response on my posts.
Next day, the first post I see is:
Quote:
Sayings like this, and these type of mentalities are why so many people have eating disorders. No offense, but this is disgusting.
Five hours after I had posted, the girl who said that posted this:
Quote:
Message I received from a guy today: "lose some flub off those cheeks and we will talk. k "
And people wonder why I'm so self-conscious. I hadn't said ANYTHING to this guy. So he went out of his way to be a jerk.
I'm sorry if my appearance offends people. I didn't realize I was that atrocious.
I hope she didn't think I posted it to bother her, as I double checked and I posted first.
And her rage probably made her see past the humor in my Nutella comment.
I feel as if I have no free speech in relation to dieting anymore. I felt like deleting my Facebook account after that. The only reason I keep it is because I can keep up with my family that's 1,000 miles away with it.
Top this all off with in-laws in the past, and others, telling me I don't need to lose weight, and its just crazy. I'm at a normal weight, but my fat percentage is 34.9% That's obese!
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I have deleted her? Should I continue posting as normal? What would you have done?
(In response, I added something about being thin gave me financial security in my mind, as interviewers tend to hire the more attractive one.)
yyyyyyeah..... i'm socially dysfunctional and trust me, if anybody's gonna put the cat among the pigeons on a forum, it'll probably be me.
but that comment is... well... it's bad.
had you modified it to "nothing tastes as good as being healthy feels", aces all the way.
but putting the focus on appearance over substance - that's going too far even for me.
as for what to do about the girl? apologize.
seriously. i know it's not fashionable any more but a sincere "i'm so sorry - i wasn't thinking about how it would come across, i just thought it was funny at the time. i'm sorry." goes WAY far to mend fences.
Last edited by threenorns; 03-30-2012 at 07:40 PM.
This might sound like a stupid question, but... At 123 pounds, how can you be obese? I'm not saying it's not possible, I'd just like someone to explain to me how!
Anyway, Facebook is the devil. There will always be someone lurking about waiting for a person on their friend's list to post something offensive. And then it's on, like an all-out virtual brawl.
The sh*t flinging, wankstorms, and unnecessary arguments on Facebook are just ridiculous. It's not worth it. I had one a year or so ago to keep up with friends and family but at the end of the day, it just wasn't worth the drama and anger that would arise when I inevitably saw a myriad of offensive things. I mean, nothing awful happened to me personally, but I honestly believe the safety of a computer screen brings out the absolute worst in people; even people that we know.
Best avoided. If you want to stay in touch with family believe me, there are other ways.
Stay away from Facebook and SAVE your brain.
And anyway, the girl who's not on Facebook is the girl who still has a lingering element of mystery about her. Set yourself apart from the masses. It's not natural to be able to contact every single person you've ever met in your life with a single click. I mean, ew.
like i said - ppl don't seem to just say sorry any more.
it's deleting accounts, blocking, reporting, explaining, justifying, rationalizing, and if all else fails, there's 1-877-CALL-SAM.
a simple "sorry" pretty much ends the drama. if the other party then tries to continue it, nobody has a problem understanding why you blocked their account. but in my experience, 9/10 times, it ends there.
facebook is no more evil than the local coffee shop or laundromat or anywhere else ppl hang out.
Last edited by threenorns; 03-30-2012 at 08:49 PM.
I don't know what to do anymore. Should I have deleted her? Should I continue posting as normal? What would you have done?
Facebook isn't a personal diary, though some people treat it that way.
On the writing end? I deliberately keep my FB rated "G" because I friend my young nieces, relatives, friends and NO they don't all need to know everything about me over that channel. I don't mind sharing things I grew in my garden, or interesting (to me) tidbits that are pretty low key and tame -- like a link to a recipe or craft project for the kid or something. But I am aware than ANYTHING I put out there can be stolen, twisted, whatever. So I keep it low key on purpose.
On the reading end of it -- even if my friends in real life, if their online personality is too whatever I hide people from my wall or delete them entirely. I don't need extra negative stuff coming at me.
So it's really up to you how you want to your FB experience to be. Block, hide, unfriend, do some list trimming. Set up two accounts -- one for family tame and one for business. Or quit using it. Whatever you need.
As for the phrase "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" -- I'm not esp keen on it. Everyone is going to have their own opinion.
I'm glad for the opinions and comments, but I'm still a bit confused about something.
I didn't post it on her wall personally, nor did I post it with bad intent. I actually posted this out of happiness! And that leaves me to wonder what I would be apologizing for.
I mean, I have one guy rip a new one into my political party every day, but I don't rant on his posts about it. I learned to ignore the bad and just think of how he's a good and friendly person otherwise. And I don't bring up politics with him, for sure.
And as for the weight, I don't know. The fat percentage is 32%+ for "Excess" on Wikipedia, and is listed as obese on healthchecksystems.com. I've hovered around 24-25% when weighing 110 or less. I may just be one of those extreme versions of skinny fat, where the high fat is there, its just not visible with clothes on.
And the lateral thigh fat deposits don't help - they point out on me really badly, yet I've seen women twice my size not have that weird pointing. (Bad genetics + too much body fat maybe?)
I didn't post it on her wall personally, nor did I post it with bad intent. I actually posted this out of happiness! And that leaves me to wonder what I would be apologizing for.
Nothing. It's your wall. You post as you please on your wall. But you do it knowing that sometimes people you are facebook friends can see it and sometimes WILL comment on it. And the comments will be a mixed bag.
If the person is constantly wigging out on your wall having a hissy fit every week -- you have to make a decision about that. Hide, unfriend, etc. Because clearly they rather have a hissy on your wall than do the sane thing and just hide your wall feed on THEIR end of it. It works both ways.
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And as for the weight, I don't know. The fat percentage is 32%+ for "Excess" on Wikipedia, and is listed as obese on healthchecksystems.com. I've hovered around 24-25% when weighing 110 or less. I may just be one of those extreme versions of skinny fat, where the high fat is there, its just not visible with clothes on.
And the lateral thigh fat deposits don't help - they point out on me really badly, yet I've seen women twice my size not have that weird pointing. (Bad genetics + too much body fat maybe?)
I can't speak to any of that. I'm obese obese (?), not skinny fat. So that lays outside my experience.
I guess when posting on facebook, you're always gonna get some kind of controversy. Maybe that's why I never post stuff, only reply to other people's funny stuff? I don't think I would have found your comment offensive, as I have seen it before (even on here), and I don't take it that way. I think maybe the girl was feeling a bit down on herself, and just let a rant out on you. Eating disorders are much more complex in their intitiation than a simple facebook comment. The media and America's ever-present obsession with 6 foot tall 100 pound models are as much to blame as your one comment. We are bombarded as a society with more information than we can understand and process about diet, and yet giant food companies are filling the shelves with "food" that people in other countries would not dream of eating. As far as no food being as good as being thin? I'll let you know if I ever get there. Because as of now, I suffer from disordered eating of the opposite spectrum. Food as entertainment, medicine, comfort, company, love, etcetera. And I think you'll find that in this country, that is more of a real danger than anorexia and bulimia. I know many, many people who have industrialized,fast food eating habits, and only a few people who have suffered from anorexia or bulimia. I am NOT making light of anorexia or bulimia. These are serious disorders that ruin lives. But so are diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. All because of our diets. I think that it's wonderful you have decided to improve your health. I would just ignore her comment, or tell her it's absurd-one comment cannot start a league of disordered eaters. If we all had that much power over other people's eating, maybe we might not be so powerless over our own. (Just one overweight person's opinion- don't cane me...) We should all aim for health and long lives to enjoy that health, and the good thing is, this forum supports just that kind of thinking.
I use that phrase and i am far from anorexic. "a moment on the lips, forever on the hips!" is another one. I don't know why they're anorexic phrases to be honest. I just use them to remind myself not to overeat crap.
that thing about how "it's your wall" - it's actually not.
we're not talking about your bedroom wall or your computer desktop - those, yes - you can do what you want.
but a facebook wall, unless you've got it restricted up the ying-yang, is more akin to public street corner. on a public street corner, you can do and say whatever you want but ppl are going to comment. on facebook, just like on a street corner, your right to free speech ends at another's right to not be infringed upon. as the saying goes, "your right to swing your fist stops at my nose" or, another of my favourites, "the right to free speech does not include shouting 'fire!' in a crowded moviehouse".
just cause you're sitting at the computer in your underwear doesn't mean you have to sound like it. you should still sound like you would in public.
"a moment on the lips" is a far cry from "nothing tastes". basically, "nothing tastes as good as BEING SKINNY feels" is saying being ***skinny*** - not slim, not trim, not healthy, not athletic - SKINNY - is the only goal. dunno about anyone else, but i don't find "skinny" attractive in the slightest - makes me think "for the love of gods, girl, eat a cheeseburger!".
Food as entertainment, medicine, comfort, company, love, etcetera. And I think you'll find that in this country, that is more of a real danger than anorexia and bulimia. I know many, many people who have industrialized,fast food eating habits, and only a few people who have suffered from anorexia or bulimia. I am NOT making light of anorexia or bulimia. These are serious disorders that ruin lives. But so are diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. All because of our diets.
^^^^^ This! Fantastically accurate point.
I agree with what Astrophe said about it being your wall on Facebook. There's no reason to apologize for what you said. Honestly, it's just a catch phrase. The whole point of a catch phrase is to take a general idea or concept and put together words along the line of that concept to create a flowing, "catchy" saying. Ie... Chinese proverbs. It's a perception thing with the unspoken understanding that it's not to be taken literally, which she did obviously. So, when *I've* personally seen this phrase in other members' signatures, I've just thought "Huh, I like that. Simple and catchy and meaning to *me*, Nothing tastes better than losing the weight." <---- This way, it's corny and doesn't flow. The other way, it does. And has the same general concept. I think taking to it heart and so personally when it's just a catch phrase not meant to be taken as such, is kinda splitting hairs. I'd tell ol' girl to take a chill pill and stop taking life so dang seriously. As for deleting her, well, that's up to you. Can you tolerate having her there knowing she could easily get upset about something you say again? There is not a thing in this world you can say and NOT trample on someone else's daisies. So why try? There was nothing overtly vulgar about it nor was it attacking or derogatory toward another. That's following the basic rules of social etiquette and it is NOT on you if her interpretation of a simple catch phrase was to take it as the all encompassing, "disgusting" thing she's overreacting it to be.
I think you are mixing up BMI and Body Fat Percentage, however, you are in the average range for both...I am not sure why you think you are classified as obese but you aren't falling in the obese range, at all.
Some people are poised to be offended and you can't change how sensitive they are. You will never be able to live your life and not draw the ire of someone so my best advice is to hang near those who know how to take you instead of trying to stay in the midst of people who are fault-finding. You are not responsible for some anorexic's weight, just like they aren't responsible for yours. That catch phrase has been around forever. You don't have to feel bad about it.
If people only said PC stuff, no one would ever be able to speak. You can't seem to say anything anymore, without someone feeling it's a slight to them. Believe me, if you said you adore red hair, people would probably comment about the cosmetics industry and how you are furthering their propaganda to make women feel like they should be something other than they are....
It's nice of you to care, that someone was upset but your comment, but my guess is they are always poised to be upset about something and you got snared into their trap b/c you cared that they were offended. In the future, tell them if they want to change the world, facebook comments attacking your comments aren't the most efficient way to do that....
This is just my opinion, but when people post stuff wide on the internet, especially on things like Facebook which are so identifiable, you are really setting yourself up for comments, some of which may be challenging (the term social media itself implies that you are socially exposing yourself).
One of the strangest things I do not comprehend, is when people write so much about themselves and their thoughts to the public, and balk when people do not agree or challenge it. Not speaking to you specifically but just in general. It's like people lose sight of how permanent and public they really make themselves.
Me, I know when I was struggling with being particularly sensitive to others (during my period of postnatal depression), it was unwise to open myself up to public commentary when I did not wish to receive it or I felt like I was too sensitive to handle it. If that makes sense?
This is also common when people wish to lose weight and they are not obviously overweight - they voice to the world or comment to family that they want to lose weight, and then do not understand why people say they are just fine. It may seem unfair, but when people do not want commentary, they should not say or do things that suggest they are wanting to receive it.
Top this all off with in-laws in the past, and others, telling me I don't need to lose weight, and its just crazy. I'm at a normal weight, but my fat percentage is 34.9% That's obese!
Your numbers aren't quite adding up. According to BMI calculators, you'd have to be 132.5 pounds to even be considered overweight. And you'd have to be 159 pounds to be considered obese as you claim to be. You were far from being obese even at the starting weight you posted. I know that BMI calculators aren't the most accurate way to gauge health but we're talking about a difference of over 30 pounds. How did you come up with the 34.9% figure?
People who struggle with their weight often feel angry at others who appear to wander around in a healthy weight range yet complain about being overweight, so she may have lashed out at you because in her eyes, you probably appeared to be gloating or seeking attention from your post. Or maybe she saw it as a personal attack since she's shown signs about being insecure over her current size. Who knows.
I personally don't say a lot about weight loss when it comes to my facebook page. I do occasionally update my progress with stats or photos, but that's about it. Weight is such a touchy subject that I leave opinions and actual discussion to places that feel more appropriate: my TOPS meetings for RL and health-centered websites like this one when online.
i have a secret weight-loss group on facebook open only to invited members. it's my group, so the rules are: you can post anything you want, you can follow any diet you want, even if it's something utterly stupid like HCG or the cabbage soup diet.
BUT
you don't put other ppl down and you don't get your panties in a pinch if you're not correct because you WILL be educated.
and yes - drives me BATS--T MENTAL when i get drivel like "why would you do that to me!? why would you turn on the only person who's been a true friend to you??" from someone i've never heard of and with absolutely no clue as to what that was all about - i mean... stfu and get a life - take it to PM. right now, there's an after-school catfight on my wall because someone posted a generic question relating to a personal situation (which is fine) so i answered with my thoughts (on the nature of love vs neediness) but someone else in that situation took it personally and started flaming. i'd expect this kind of crap from teenagers but these are women in their 30s and 40s!
Last edited by threenorns; 03-31-2012 at 01:17 PM.
Being Torn into for an Anorexia Phrase
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