To be honest...

Being fat is not okay. That's why we're here.

It's not okay to make fun of people for being fat.

No one should be ridiculed, for any reason. But there needs to be a balance struck between acceptance and enabling. I think that the push to accept obesity has crossed way over to enabling, personally. I think the same thing has happened with alcoholism. Labeling a behavioral issue a "disease" and protecting it by law isn't helping either situation. And yes, I fully believe that there are some obese people who are that way due to medical reasons, but I also believe most obese people are that way due to overeating and under-exercising. That's not a disease- that's a lifestyle problem. And society should not have to pay for that. Can we not have compassion for each other while at the same time encouraging each other to eat healthier fare, eat healthier portions, and move more? I think so. I think we do it every day here at 3FC.

Some people lose weight and become smug about it...Same goes for ex-smokers, ex-alcoholics..ect. All of a sudden they think they're higher up on the food chain. "Whatever" is all I have to say.

My bf always says this, and I do think it's true.

until science eliminates the condition, or we're wiped out as a race, there will be fat people. how they're looked upon by society will be a fluid thing.

as a person who is fat, I would appreciate compassion and empathy. I don't want to be fat for health and social reasons, general quality of life. it's been a long struggle for me to get this off, with successes and failures, all of which no stranger would have any awareness of -- a stranger only sees that I'm fat.

I do think it's not necessarily a bad thing to have a sense of humor about our differences, and to laugh at ourselves. better than crying, being overly self-pitying and paralyzed by it (states I've gone through to a certain extent).

OP: I'm sorry your friend created such a negative gym experience, for herself and other people -- including you! I've had several people say nice, supportive things to me, and when I stopped going as often when I changed jobs, who approached me on the street asking if everything was ok.

I mean, none of us are saints, without judgment or snarky comments about this or that, or prejudices, but we really can raise the quality of life for each other with just a little effort!

This. Exactly. I can't even begin to tell you how many people I knew in college (actually, in my sorority) who were overweight and unhappy just downright criticizing thin or attractive people. Calling girls who were in other sororities "sluts" and "whores" for dressing scantily. I so wanted to say "Um, if you were their size, you'd dress that way too.'

I'd also have friends who were average, but unconfident, make fun of people who were fat.

yes it does,,,,and at one time,,,i was 100 pd cheerleader who did that,,,,i'm very sad to say!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have now been obese for 10 years and pay for it everyday. it makes me very mad now,,,and can't believe that i could have ever did that.

This topic spawned off thoughts in a few areas related to this:

1. The friends that claim to not see you as fat - I was at dinner with a two friends, husband and wife, and he was talking about how all of the fat people were up at the buffet eating all the food, or something like that. So I said 'geez that was really nice' very sarcastically. And his wife actually says to me 'He didn't mean you.'. Ok, how was I supposed to take that? And does it make it right just because it wasn't aimed at me?

2. The skinny friends that see themselves as fat. I have a lot of friends in this category, but the worst are my neighbors who are very fit and naturally thin. And the husband is always saying how fat he is. He's not as fit as he was starving in the army in Iraq, but that wasn't healthy either. So when he constantly says how fat he is, I immediately think 'well if he says he's fat, what must he think of me?'.

3. The media and the topic of fat. I was watching a televised pod cast on new years of the year in review for various topics. And the guy talking about music shows pictures of all of the women who were big in music last year...Lady Gaga...Rhianna...Adele..etc....and then he makes the statement something like 'and Adele is the only one I wouldn't like to f@$k'. And Adele isn't really that overweight in my opinion. Was I really supposed to laugh at that? Which of course the whole audience did. I was so sickened I turned it off even though I liked the other topics. But he just had to ruin it for me because he thought it was funny to make fun of what he considered to be 'fat'.

In the end I think that #3 is the worst. Because I believe the media can set the tone for what is or is not acceptable to talk about or make fun of. And for awhile now, fat is the one thing that 'everyone' agrees is the easiest thing to make fun of no matter how it may make any of us feel. I agree with the people who've said that people feel justified because they think that obesity was brought on by laziness and gluttony. And most of us feel embarrassed or ashamed so we're not going to fight back. I personally sit at home a lot of times and hide because I don't want to hear the fat jokes. Or I don't want the kid pointing at me and telling me how big that I am while his mom embarrassingly tells him not to make fun of the fat lady. Ugh, it's all irritating. Which in the end, I've realized that I'm the one that gives the word 'fat' all of its power by giving into the shame and embarrassment.

And, as I was writing up my rant, my mom called to tell me that one of my uncles has passed away. I wasn't that close to him but he was a good guy and had a family who loved him a lot. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes these types of events to wake you up to what's really important. And I need to remind myself that 'fat' is just a word. And for those that use it negatively, well I can change being fat, but you can't change being an a@#hole.

I totally agree with everyone here. As a skinny person, idk if others think I'd in particular find their fat jokes funny, but I seem to have an aweful lot of people in my life that poke fun at the over weight.

I find it disgusting. As many here said, would they make fun of any other non-perfect person?

Sadly, the answer is yes. I suppose I'm guilty of that as I have a tendancy to make fun of people who do something stupid.

Truth is, we all make fun of people. I just think that making fun of people in the gym is wrong, wrong, wrong.

It had always been my belief that no one is watching others in the gym like that. If they are seriously there about their business at hand - working out - then why do they have the time to give a thought to someone else who is working at getting in better shape?

It seems like your friend is totally off. And more importantly, why are you friends with her?

That'd be one to keep at arms length and quietly disassociate from.

Another thing: One thing I learned to say to people who make inappropriate comments or ask off-questions is to ask them, "Why do you say that?". It gets them to question their own motives and quite often shuts them right up.

Ok. I'm going to say this as nicely as I can.

It's OK to be fat. To say it's not OK to be fat is akin to saying that it's not OK to be gay (not comparing fat to gay).

You ought to get informed on the Fat Acceptance movement. And understand that you can be healthy at any weight. Myself, I am 225 lbs, 5'4, and there is literally nothing wrong with me. My bloodowork is perfect. Low cholesterol, perfect blood pressure, the only thing is thyroid cancer that was due to external forces (aka not my weight). There are star athletes who are who are 300lbs who can run like a m*therf*cker. I'm perfectly healthy. I'm trying to lose weight because I simply don't like being tired and sore and out of shape. But the thing is, I don't hate my body. I kinda like it. I'm luscious. I'm curvy. And my husband likes it.

You don't like it, that's fine. But what isn't OK is to make generalized statements like that because that's what contributes to fat hatred.

Yes, it bothers me, it is NOT okay to do and is seriously immature IMO.

It absolutely INFURIATES me. Especially when the people are very morbidly obese and you can hear people making jokes about them. I want to walk up and sock them in the eye. There is NO reason as a GROWN ADULT you should be acting like an immature 5 year old and making such snide comments about people's weight.

I honestly believe that people who make fun of other people for their weight have EXTREME self-confidence issues and put other people down to make themselves feel better, which only ends up making them look like horrible people as well as ignorant.

I have found that even being a little bit overweight you are made to feel ugly and unattractive. I feel bad when I go out with my brother in law. He is massively overweight and when we eat out, he is very cautious with what he orders, even though I have the feeling he would rather be eating something other than what he's ordered. It's a shame that some people think it's alright to make fun of people, whether they're fat or any other way.

I have to agree with that statement completely. Almost all people are overweight due to lifestyle issues, not because of horrible medical disease. If society was to completely accept it, than the number of overweight people would vastly increase causing more medical issues and an even greater strain on the medical system. It's not fair for any one to have to pay and help cover the cost of those who are overweight, just like its not fair to have to pay for medical issues caused by smoking, excessive drinking and other health issues that are completely avoidable. When my husband would refer to someone as "fat" (example: you remember the fat blond girl?) I used to think he was being down right rude. But then he pointed out that its just an statement or an observation. He said "fat is a word, just like referring to someone as short, tall, white, black, skinny, blond. If they are fat, then they are fat. Its a description"

Of course, not accepting it doesn't need to happen in a mean or crude way. Making fun of anyone isn't right for any reason. However, it does motivate some people to lose the weight, and if it bothers people that much and its something avoidable, why not fix it so it doesn't happen to you anymore? I used to hate being called a ginger (back in high school, now i love my hair color)... so I fixed it by changing my hair color. Yes, we shouldn't have to change for society, but at the same time we cant expect everyone to magically accept us. We are all very hypocritical in this way. I can almost guarantee that there are women in this conversation who look down on an alcoholics or drug users, yet sit here and say its horrible people look down on them for being over weight. I'm sure half of us would say something rude about the drug addict who can't stop using meth, but isn't that the same as us not being able to stop an unhealthy life style? People with addictions make easy targets as it is society's way to try and prevent the rest of society from becoming that problem.

Again, I do not condone making fun of ANYONE and it would be awesome if people could be who they are without repercussions. But society does not like those who are different and will use them for humor.

That's still no reason to make fun of someone. You wouldn't point at an amputee and say "HAHA YOU LOST YOUR LEG!"

It may not be okay, but it's still not right to pick on people because of their weight.