Many people are discussing the specific situation with the bride... I'll just say that when I was younger and felt forced to lose weight by someone else that it backfired. To be successful, weight loss has to come from inside us, not from someone else.
I would also rethink being in the wedding party...
Wow, thank you for all of the great responses! The bride has been my friend for many years and was at one point considered my best friend. We have been through many up's and down's in our relationship and like many have suggested, I have reconsidered our friendship many times. Our friendship now is very arms length due to disclosing personal information to her that she deemed suitable to be made public (not cool) I no longer tell her anyting too personal about myself or my relationships with others. We are more of walking buddies, occasional lunch/coffee date friends.
In the past when she has said something offensive to me I have called her out on it, we've even "broken up" over these types of things and I have definately fully expressed how she makes me feel, "when you said *blank" it made me feel "blank" etc. etc. she only really gets it if you spell it out to her, otherwise she dosen't get that what she has said/done is hurtful.
As I'm sure many of you can tell this relationship is a lot of work and like another poster suggested, I definately would rather be a guest in the wedding than in the bridal party. I did agree to be a bridesmaid and I'm not going to go back on what I agreed to even though she is being a nut. After the wedding over is another story. Thank you for all the support and suggestions, I really appreciate it!!
Height: 5 ft 8.5" athlete who can give a punch & certainly take one too! :)
Seriously, I friend would NEVER EVER make such @ssanine statements!
I certainly wouldn't stand up for her on her wedding day, screw that- I'd tell her that you are bowing out of the wedding & that she can go find herself another eggplanty! ... 'nuff said!
You are doing well on your weightloss, continue at a pace that works for YOU, NOT for anyone else!!!! Jeeze...
I understand not wanting to back out. I have a similar friend and though sometimes I wonder why I stick around, there are times that we get along great and have an awesome time together. My friend isn't as demanding as your friend, though (she likes that I'm 45+ lbs bigger than her), but she has hurt me deeply before.
My solution was to "contain" the friendship. I didn't share certain stuff with her, I didn't expect certain stuff from her (for any real support), and I won't give her certain things (my trust). It works out fine. I'm not disappointed, and she isn't expected to give more than she can.
I say that if you ordered the dress in the size that will actually fit you at the wedding even if you lose no weight (or thereabouts), then the bride doesn't have to know if you do or do not lose weight. Don't talk about it. If she demands to know your progress or that you go to the gym, say something vague and change the subject subtly. It works wonders for me.
But yeah, don't do this for her. And I understand her demands being a disincentive. It's funny how orders to lose weight = no motivation, but when someone says the equivalent of "you don't have to lose weight" = motivation.
Good luck with your friend and her wedding, and good luck with your own weight loss. Congrats on your loss so far!
Since you've said you're not going to back out of the wedding, just keep on doing your weight loss for you.
At an average of 4-5 pounds a month, a sane loss rate, you will be around 20-25 pounds down! That would put you in the 160's. For your height, you should be smokin' hot in that dress! Flaunt it!
My vindictive side would want to flaunt it in a "very in your face bridezilla" way.
I'm getting married. My bridesmaids are all different shapes and sizes from 00 to over size 20. I would never EVER dream of asking any of them to gain or lose weight for my wedding.
It's going to be a challenge to find a dress that would flatter them all (because their heights are also all over the place) so what I might do is decide on a color, give everyone a swatch of fabric in that color and tell them to find a dress that works for THEM.
I always thought it was silly that the bridesmaids all have to wear the exact same dress. If all your bridesmaids are of similar body types then I suppose that it works, but who really has friends and family who are all exactly the same?
I think your idea of giving everyone a swatch of fabric in the color you decide and let them find a dress that works for them is brilliant! Congratulations. Excellent idea. Have a very wonderful wedding and a very very happy life.
I do have to say after hearing that her sister is that way too... I really have to wonder about that family. Were their parents super obsessed with their looks or something? It seems like there's a lot more going on there... It seems like there are some MAJOR insecurities coming out on your friend's and her sister's part. Why in the world is there such a need for "perfection" I have to admit this baffles me, especially when you said the bride has a decent amount to lose too. Maybe she is trying to force others to give her motivation through also losing? It seems like she has difficulties grasping basic social concepts.
As for you. I agree 100% that you should lose for YOURSELF, not others. You're doing absolutely amazing so far. Keep doing what works at your pace, not anybody else's!!!
runningfromfat, my friend comes from a family that has always put her down and picked on her. Her mother and sister specifically. She has moved out of her home situation about a year ago and is no longer the household scapegoat. Since she has moved out, she has been better. We have had discussions about her mother and sister and I've told her she needs to be careful not to follow in their footsteps. It definately seems that all the verbal and emotional abuse she has put up with has had a major effect on her and has proven to spill into other aspects of her life, like how she treats her friends.
runningfromfat, my friend comes from a family that has always put her down and picked on her. Her mother and sister specifically. She has moved out of her home situation about a year ago and is no longer the household scapegoat. Since she has moved out, she has been better. We have had discussions about her mother and sister and I've told her she needs to be careful not to follow in their footsteps. It definately seems that all the verbal and emotional abuse she has put up with has had a major effect on her and has proven to spill into other aspects of her life, like how she treats her friends.
I'm sorry to hear that. I have to wonder... maybe due to the wedding (and I'm guessing she's spending more time with her family due to the preparations) she's being affected quite a bit by her family?
You mentioned above that you have been rather close to her in the past to the point that you've called her out before about comments like these. If you are that close it might not be a bad thing to point out to her what's happening. I say that because I bet she's not just isolating herself from you but other friends too. If she is trying to move past an abusive past it really might be hard for her to understand was is/isn't appropriate behavior. Maybe a caring friend could help her out (if you know already that she's someone who will listen).
first off let me just say there hun 5'6 and 189, you will not look like an eggplant!!!!!!!!! so if you decide you want to stick to being in the wedding flount your body girl you have lost a lot already and im sure looking wonderful.
How have you not smacked the **** out of her? I don't care how long someone has been your friend what her issues are, but she sure as **** is NOT a friend. You have friends like that who needs any enemies...jeez!
I'd walk away from the wedding and from her but thats just me, I rather have quality friends over quanity.
Seriously, I friend would NEVER EVER make such @ssanine statements! 
That would put you in the 160's. For your height, you should be smokin' hot in that dress! Flaunt it! 
