I don't think a doctor telling her would be any different. I know for me it wasn't... I had a doctor who was VERY blunt and even though in my head I knew she was 100% correct, hearing it from her made me less interested in changing for some reason... Hearing it from my friends, family and husband didn't help either... I had to get to the point where something kind of clicked inside me...

I agree that getting healthier is kind of contagious... my mom started weight watchers late last year and has been losing about 1.5 lbs every week consistenly since she started. She has been walking every night and eating healthier. I think shes about 3 months in and has had a loss every single week at her weigh in meeting. She now weighs about 25 lbs less than I do... I have to say, that was in part a motivator for me... we live about 3 hours apart so clearly can't walk together etc.. but its kind of fun to compare how much (walking etc) each of us did that weekend etc...

Also, in my own home, I'm cooking healthier and now my husband and step daughter are in turn eating healthier and now I find them WANTING to eat healthier and kind of looking forward to healthier meals etc... so its kind of a circle... none of us were eating healthy because I (the primary shopper/cooker) was not preparing healthy meals, and now that I am, everyone is benefitting and its catching on... my husband has started going to the gym and my step daughter signed up with a friend of hers to go to a trainer once a week and on the other days is walking etc... then in turn I see them making small progress and so in turn I want to make progress, kind of like peer pressure a little bit I guess....

Its harder since you live apart... but there are still ways you can encourage her without being direct... sharing healthier recipes without being overly obvious etc... maybe you can see if there are activities in her area.. say.. an arts festival or something like that where you get out and walk around the booths etc and say ooh that looks like fun, why dont you and dad go... or if your dad is on board maybe he can say hey hon I'm gonna go for a walk to the end of the block and back will you come and keep me company? Heck, even a walk around the mall... anything to get her up and moving a little bit at a time and hopefully it snowballs....

I actually wrote a letter to my mom about a year ago, similar to the one you shared. It wasn't about weight (more about our deteriorating relationship) but a lot of it was similar. Turns out I had a lot of things that just bugged me and I needed to just get it all out. I saved it on my computer knowing if things ever got really bad I could pull it out and send it. That was good enough for me, and I'm so glad I never have sent it. I think it would have really hurt her feelings, and just putting my thoughts down really helped me work through a lot. In essence, it was a good exercise for me, but not a good letter to actually send. I hope you got something out of that letter, and just know it's there. Maybe over time you can share snippets of it, by just dropping it into conversation.

More good points too. Yeah I have heard her say she's depressed. I don't know why she hasn't sought out help. I think that would be easier for her to go to the doctor for.

When I spoke to the doctor last week I meantioned counseling. I just don't know if she can take more meds with the cocktail she's already using. I think she may be thinking that too...

Although, reflecting on it now..depression has a lot to do with physical health too. Maybe that's the first step is to fix that, and then from there she may feel more motivated.

She did go to a pain clinic years ago, it helped I think for awhile...but she never has recieved one on one counseling.

If you are too depressed to care, why would you care enough to get to a doc?

Or if you are so depressed you feel stuck at the bottom of a deep hole, and you need a doc to help you get out of the hole, but the doc is up on the normal ground... it's kinda like you have to get out of the hole to get the doc to help you out of the hole.

YKWIM?

I'd get this checked out first. And you may have to go with her and get her there if she's really depressed. A depressed person sometimes cannot help their own self. They are too deep in the hole.


I just had to deal with a whole lot of parent mental health -- up to and including Baker Acting my dad because he just would not go get help at the hospital when it was clear that he needed to be there. I can only hope your mom isn't at that level. But if she is, please get her help.

GL!
A.

maybe you could start by just talking to her, about your life, and what you're doing, and chat with her about her life. that support alone may make a big difference.

I hope so, thanks!

I agree with everyone else. I'm sort of in the same boat, but my mother isn't quite that sick yet. She is very overweight and she does have diabetes though. When I started my journey I called her and shared what I was doing with her. She lives clear across the country so I don't get to see her very much. But I told her what I was doing, my goals and stuff. I also told her that I was concerned about her health, and that I'd love to see her get her weight under control. Our relationship has always been pretty open so I didn't feel bad sharing my concerns with her, but I tried to tell her it in a non-judging way. When she came to visit me last summer I got her into whole grain bread and pasta, baby steps! I don't see anything wrong with telling her that you're worried and that you want her to be around as long as possible. A letter probably isn't a good format for that though in my opinion, it seems a little impersonal. But it's her life and she may not ever lose the weight. All you can do is be there if she needs you. Maybe one day she'll start her own journey.