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Old 10-05-2011, 10:12 AM   #1  
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Default Need to vent-Ugh

In August of this year, my 15 year old sons best friend moved in with us. For the past year and a half or so he had been living with his Aunt and Uncle and his Uncle decided to go to culinary school in a different state. His uncle asked if he could live with us while he was in going to school. Of course, we agreed. We love this young man, he is a great kid, life has not been fair to him from the start and he needs us, the love and stability we can offer him.
When his uncle and I sat down and talked about it, they were going to give me a document signing over Temp. Guardianship to my hubby and I and they were going to give us $200 to help cover expenses. Three months later, I still have no document, do not know what his health insurance status is and have not received a penny. (Let me say, money is NOT the issue. This young man can live with us even if his family does not contribute to his support. I do wish they would at least pay for his school lunches but I cover this too and no, we do not have a lot of money, pay check to paycheck like 80% of Americans)
I cannot see his school grades without a document stating I have temp guardianship of him. How, I ask, am I suppose to know how he is doing in school if I cannot see his grades or talk to his teachers?
I have asked and asked them to send me this, which I was suppose to have before they moved. I tried calling, texting, emailing them for over a month. Finally, I got a hold of a family member of theirs where I live to make sure I had the right number and finally got an email back.
I heard through the grapevine they were planning a trip back to town for a visit but I have not been contacted about it. I asked the young man if he had talked to his uncle and if they told him they were coming to town for a visit and when? He had not heard but this triggered a freak out session for him, worrying, asking over and over if he could stay with us until he finished high school (3yrs). I told him he was welcome to stay and honestly, it was be for HIM if he stayed but it was not totally my decision. After he got so upset, I decided to email his grandma in another state. His grandma raised him from the time he was a baby until about two years ago when things happened and he went to his Uncles. I explained that the young man wanted to stay though high school, it was probably best for him but it was up to the family. She indicated that she had actual custody of him and would sign whatever I needed her too. I sent her something and hope she signs it and mails it back.
The long and short is, He is a great kid, his family are good people but I just don't get them. If my kid was living with someone else I would be in constant contact with them. I would not ignore their texts, email and calls. I would not go weeks with no contact. Even IF I promised to help with expenses and could not afford to do it, I would not just disappear.
UGH. I love the kid but am totally over his aunt and uncle. I don't want to cause waves with them because really, he is so much better off living with us and I do not want them to get upset with me and move him, but really, really???
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Old 10-05-2011, 10:44 AM   #2  
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Oh man, how frustrating. I hope the grandmother at least is able to follow through. I know what you mean about it not being about the money, but it's just another example of how flaky those people are. He sounds like a good kid, and what a compliment for him to want to stay with you. In my experience teenagers mostly just want to be left alone! You are doing a great job and being an adult in this situation, which it sounds like is exactly what this kid needs!!

I know you probably don't have money for any legal stuff, but in a lot of states if a guardian abandons a minor with you for 6 months or more, you may be able to petition for custody. There's a lot more to it than that, but you probably do have options if you want to go a legal route.
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Old 10-05-2011, 10:53 AM   #3  
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Hugs to you and the kid.

I can't imagine any guardian of a child putting off important matters like that for months. The sole purpose of that arrangement was to make sure the kid was being looked after.

At least you were able to get a hold of the grandmother. I hope things work out in short order and that the kid gets to enjoy his high school years peacefully in your loving home.
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Old 10-05-2011, 10:53 AM   #4  
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I just wanted to say that I am sorry you can't get the papers you need signed but that you and your family must be wonderful souls to let another child into your hearts and home.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:10 AM   #5  
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I would go to the grandmother with the boy, if he wants to visit, and be sure to get the ball rolling on your getting legal custody through her.
It would make the young man more secure emotionally.

Once you have legal custody, then contact Social Security and Family Services, and see if any checks are being forwarded to anyone on the boys behalf.
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Old 10-05-2011, 11:54 AM   #6  
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I'VE BEEN THERE.. I had my niece and nephew under the same circumstances...We couldn't get the guardianship papers finished and my brother-in-law provided no support....In my state, however, the school allowed me to see records and make decisions as long as I filed a petition for guardianship with the circuit court. I didn't need a signature to file the petition and just indicated truthfully that their father did not object and represented that final papers would be signed/submitted shortly.

This at least gave me authority to access school records and medical information. Check your state, you may be able to file temporarily without a signature.

God bless you on the financial issue...We too paid for everything...It was challenging but I'd do it again....
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