I opened a lot of Christmas mail one year without reading to whom they were addressed. Since they were all in my mailbox, I assumed they were all adressed to me. I came across one card with a very nice letter inside. The woman wrote how much she and her family missed me, since their move, and all the fun times we had in the past couple of years.
I assumed it was from a friend of mine that had just moved to Florida.
Then I realized it was from someone I didn't even know!
It was addressed to the former owner of my new house.
So I called her up and told her I had opened the letter from her friend by mistake and wanted to know if she wanted me to send her the letter.
She said "No, just throw it out."
I asked her if she wanted me to read her the letter before I threw it out. "She said "No, I'm not interested, and I just don't have the time now.. I have to fix dinner."
So I threw it out. I was amazed that she did not even want me to read her the letter. Out of sight, out of mind, I guess.
That was a real eye opener for me. I never knew people could be so callous.
The next year I received another letter, so I again called the former owner. Same response..."just throw it out."
How sad that some people have no ability to care for others who care for them. They sure miss out on a lot.
Just cherish the people that really care for you. And forget the rest. They aren't worth your time and effort.
being friend dumped is the pits, somehow I managed to get mass-friend dumped last year after I got into a relationship with my now fiance. Almost all the single girls I used to hang out with decided, for some reason, that they didn't want to bother being my friends anymore. I tried to ask them about it but they all snubbed me, so I just let it go. And then, not too long after that, all of the guys I'd hung out with when I was single (and part of the single girls crew) seem to have decided that they didn't want to be my friends anymore either. It nearly broke my heart, we all had so much fun together for so long, and some of us were really close- and then all of a sudden they're all gone. I still see them around when I go see my friends bands and stuff, but they rarely acknowledge me, even though I always make sure to say hi to them.
I think the lesson I learned was that some people just don't know how to be a good friend.
It's sad that so many people here have experienced this like I have. This friendship is still up in the air. I tried posting a comment on her FB page- she had asked for ideas on a homework assignment and I offered to help. She did respond, to me along with the other people who offered help, but she told me no. And that is the last I've heard from her.
I know at this point I probably should just move on. I just wish that it didn't hurt the way it does. I guess I need to make the effort to make a new friend, as I am literally without women friends right now (excluding the fine folks here )
Last edited by EagleRiverDee; 09-25-2011 at 11:33 PM.
Oh, I'm going through something like this, too. My best friend and I were close for 10 years. Through all kinds of problems, we managed to spend time together almost every day for TEN years. We were incredibly close. Then, I divorced my husband a couple of years ago. We didn't have any kids, we had only been married a couple of years, and frankly I didn't want to have to live down one stupid mistake for the rest of my life. Best Friend just all of a sudden stopped wanting to be around me, even though she had never liked my husband much. She said, "It just made me think that you had taken vows to stay with him and you didn't do it. What about me? You didn't make promises to me and what if you betray me?" I told her it was totally different- not to mention I had been married for 2 years and we had been best friends for 10- guys had come and gone, and I didn't say this but she had never had a relationship that lasted more than a few months! If she was using how I treated men as a gauge for how I would treat her, that's awfully hypocritical. Frankly, I loved her like a sister and I was pissed that she would be throwing this on me when I needed support. So I kind of let her have some space, though we would still meet up every few weeks, she met a guy, they started seriously dating, and moved in together. She was constantly on facebook posting about all the things they were doing with all their new friends, but she never had time for me. Like several other people here, I tried to address it with her, and she kept saying everything was fine. I would comment on her posts, try and send her little texts every once in a while saying I was thinking of her, would love to get coffee sometime. Last time I heard from her was just over a year ago. She said we should go get coffee and then I never heard from her again. I eventually deleted her from my facebook because it was making me so sad to see all these pictures and posts of the obvious free time she had for everyone except me. I go through phases of anger and grief, I am still very sad about this. She got married several months ago and I found out through a mutual friend. It was a small destination wedding in Hawaii, so I didn't expect to be invited, but I would have at least liked to know about it. I sent her a message and said that I was so happy for her, and that I never thought there would be a time in our lives where one of us could have something so important happen and the other wouldn't even know. I told her I wanted to be part of her life in some sense, and wished her and new hubby all the best. Nothing. That was about 3 months ago. I called her last week and left a voicemail saying that I would love to hear from her and didn't indicate any irritation, just kept it light. Nothing. I know I need to just back off, but I'm hurt so badly and I am still so upset about it. It feels like the worst break up ever. I know what you're going through. Why are people so mean?? Thank you for this vent!!
Dezzie- your situation does sound similar to mine.
Well I tried again today and sent an email asking how my friend is doing, mentioned I missed hearing from her, and told her a little about what has been going on with me. I didn't ask if she was ending our friendship or anything of that nature. I am going to wait. If she doesn't respond to this email, I will take the hint and just stop trying. I miss her, but friendship has to go two ways.
Dezzie and Dee, Have either of you considered the person at fault might be the new husband / boyfriend. They might feel anxious about previous close relationships in your friends lives. They want to be number one with no contact with old friends.
Dezzie and Dee, Have either of you considered the person at fault might be the new husband / boyfriend. They might feel anxious about previous close relationships in your friends lives. They want to be number one with no contact with old friends.
I have wondered if the new boyfriend is discouraging my friend from contacting me. I would hope my friend would see through that, if that's what it is. I know her new boyfriend is very dominant, so it's possible.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend Eagle. Sometimes people can be cruel without realizing how their actions (or in this case, in-actions) are hurting the people that love them the most. It sounds especially upsetting considering her new dominant boyfriend.
Unfortunately the best thing you can do may be to stop contacting her and let her have some space. After she gets used to the changes in her life, she may realize that there's still something missing (your friendship) and try to work it out. Sometimes absence really does make the heart grow fonder. If this isn't the case, then you're better off making new friends who appreciate all you have to offer. {{hugs}}
Yes, I have thought that that might have something to do with it. I think it started before, and frankly, I think it is NOT a coincidence that once we stopped seeing so much of each other, we both ended up in more functional romantic relationships ( after my divorce I started dating my now-husband which is by FAR the most healthy and sustainable long term relationship I've ever had). Mostly just because I think we were so close we were not dependent on significant others for the things we should have been emotionally, and were instead dependent on each other. And we were kind of always together socially, and both of us are fairly socially domineering which I think intimidated a lot of people.
I think I will probably continue reaching out every few months. 10 years is just too long to throw away. I don't want there to be any drama, but if she tells me to back off, I will, but I think it makes me feel better to know that she knows I am keeping the lines of communication open, that I still love her, and that if her mind changes I am here. I know things will never be the same, nor do I have the time anymore to spend as much time as we used to, but shooting off a short text message just saying I'm thinking about her is little effort on my behalf. I don't know.
Ouch, it's sad when a "friend" treats you like you don't even matter. I've been through something similiar, I was very good friends with someone that I kept in touch with from highschool. She was pretty much like a sister to me. We kept the friendship alive through college and a few years after. I guess I knew that the friendship was dying when she moved from the town we both lived in to one an hour or so away without even saying anything to me about it. I tried to keep in touch after that, and we'd talk once in awhile but it was never the same. When I met my now husband things got worse. After we got married she pretty much stopped responding to my messages. She stopped getting on facebook that much, so I sent her a message or two. I felt like crying when she never responded but managed to post on her wall a few weeks later. I'm not sure if she just lost interest or maybe resents that I'm happily married while the guy she's been with for close to 10 years isn't treating her well. The worse part is when you're the one being ignored or blown off it feels like you're the one not good enough
I am sorry that this has happened to you. If I were you I would send her one final email or facebook IM and ask her if she is mad at you for some reason and if so, why? If she does not answer that, then just move on. I can understand your hurt over it but if she wants to be that way, it is her loss.
)
