Am I oversensitive?
 

Okay, I have to vent about something.

There are a lot of people who read these boards. Some are way smaller than others. Some are way bigger than others. Mostly we all cohabit pretty nicely, but every once in a while, there are posts about how disgusting and vile and insupportably ugly the poster feels at X00 or X50 pounds, how the original poster can't even bear to leave the house or look down at herself while bathing or whatever because she's just so torn up about how hideous an X00-pound body is.

When I see these posts and realize that the person posting them is my size or smaller, I kind of want to pull someone's hair out (mine or the poster's, I don't know which). Even when the person posting is larger than me, I think about all the beautiful, lively, happy women who are the poster's size who've just been insulted by proxy and indirectly told that they should feel too ashamed to leave home.

I feel hot--yes, at my current weight--and get a little peevish at reading about someone's horrible fate for being trapped in a body as small or smaller than mine. If you are describing yourself as a whale at X00 or X50 pounds, what have you just said about the person who is Y00 or Y50? Am I delusional for feeling sexy as **** in my current incarnation? Is my husband blind?

On the other hand, I know we're all different. Someone who's comfortable at X50 might feel great at X00 while another might have to shed more before she feels okay about herself. It's good that people can come here and express their thoughts freely and without censure. Maybe I'm just being hypersensitive to that kind of thing.

And of course I don't have to read or respond to posts I dislike. I don't like to pass up the "Help me!" type posts, but when I open one and it's a litany of how disgusting and miserable the poster is at half my weight, well...I can't really help with that, considering the poster apparently feels that I should be pelted with rotten vegetables until I drag my vast bulk back into the house and away from decent people's view. Yeesh, sorry I even tried to help. :P

Whew, I feel better just for venting a little. Like a lot of us, I'm guilty of negative self-talk occasionally, but sometimes it gets under my skin a little to see the same phrases written out on these boards, y'know? I think that's my problem and not other posters' problems, maybe, but it wouldn't hurt to be cognizant of how that stuff affects others, too.

Don't worry I know I feel that way sometimes and I'm sure plenty of other people do as well.

The strange thing is though that you said some of the people you are talking about are half your size. You are 200 now and I haven't seen very many 100 pounders running around here. lol!

I am larger then you both and my daughter just had me realize I am too large for my size..It all snuck up on me over the years and now I am reaping the rewards...A weight loss goal of 70 lbs...grrrr....I will be so mad at myself if and when i reach my goal and still feel the way I do about myself today.

hey hey jewelswa we both had a higher starting weight then you. don't act like we wouldn't understand being overweight. i was your weight two months ago. :p

Heh, you're right...that kind of brought me up short. Maybe in my head, I'm still thinking of the 250 I once weighed or the 232 I was when I started posting here.

I totally get that people with an extra ten pounds may be as unhappy about their weight as someone else might be with an extra hundred, but...bleh, I don't know, I just wish there were better words to express self-dissatisfaction without casting aspersions on others.

I think most of us, no matter what our size, know the feeling of "Hmph, I don't like what I look like in the mirror," but that's subtly different from saying, "A fat body is repulsive." I don't think so and I don't feel so about myself (most of the time), so when someone implies it is so, I get all "Grr, I am a pretty pretty princess!" about it. :D

I think we just have to remember that yeah it is upsetting to us when someone who is a good fifty or more pounds lighter than us posts thing like that. But then their post isn't about us.

They are posting about their issues and how they feel. for that post, their disgust has nothing to do with us. i just keep remind myself that when i get upset about it.

I remember feeling this way when I started and seeing frustrated 140 pounders with issue and thinking, "give me a break lady!" but now that i'm in that range... well, I get it. I still feel like I'm 200 pounds. I still have some of the same fears and worries. I still have a food addiction, I'm still terrified.

Yah im going to have to agree with the other posters..its not about you when there sharing there self-hate feelings..like me..Yah i hate my body and im not happy being fat..I used to be 180..but im..284 now ..and i remember what it was like being 180 and how i loved myself..so yah..of course im not gonna be satisfied..but just because i hate how i look in this fat suit, doesnt mean i dont see other people who are big or bigger than me as being ugly..I have a friend who is 300 something pounds and she is gorgeous..and to be honest and rather blunt..she wears her padding..in a vivacious sexy curvy way that i cant get away with.. i dont know how she does it..and to be honest.. i wish i had that self esteem and that ability to be sexy and big at the same time..but right now i just feel big..so..good for you for venting it out..cause i see people smaller than me all the time complaining about there body..but i guess it doesnt matter if your fat or not..there can always be something wrong with a persons body.

I definitely get that folks with lower weights than mine have concerns, just as I get that there are people at higher weights who do too. The fact that I posted about "people half my weight" now that I'm at 208 tells me that in my head, I'm still bigger than I am in the real world, so I do understand body image discrepancy. :)

I guess what I'm getting at is that there's a way to communicate one's own pain without putting it on everyone else. There's a big difference between "I really hate XYZ about my body" or "I'm having trouble controlling myself" or even "Blah, I feel fat today" and "Ugh, how can anyone possibly manage to lead a happy life while being this horribly terribly grotesquely huge?"

I accept that one person's definition of "oh, so fat!" is my goal weight and it doesn't even bug me. ;) What does bug me, albeit just a little, is the implication that a particular weight is intrinsically unattractive rather than that an individual feels that she's unattractive at that weight.

It's the difference between "Ugh, I hate my red hair" and "Redheads are hideous." (Which is a totally fictitious example because I love my red hair and redheads are magnificent. :D)

I just realized being on calorie-count.com for a couple of years have left me desensitized to posts Nola was referring to because there were so many ED-related posts with young girls who were at a healthy weight. I wanted to pull my hair out every time I read their posts but now? Not so much, just more of :rolleyes: then move on to the next post.

Nola- your hubby is NOT blind and you most definitely are NOT delusional! I feel the same way at my current weight. There are moments where I still check myself out, hahahaha.

Yeah, I understand. Sometimes I see posts like that and think "If you're 'gross' at that weight, what am I?" I feel the same way when smaller friends say things like that. It kind of hurts my feelings.

But, I really try not to take it personally. Most people don't judge others as harshly as they judge themselves. And even if they do, I don't care. I know I look fine. I like what I see in the mirror, so whatever. And really, not everyone states their feelings eloquently, and some people are just downright rude. It's annoying but its how people are. *shrug*

I don't think you're being oversensitive, because I DO think that people sometimes express their dissatisfaction with their own weight in a way that implies a judgement about a particular weight. But, I think when people are feeling down and out, frustrated with themselves, sensitivity of expression gets lost. I don't really think there IS any judgment of others (at least not in most cases), it just comes out that way. My boss is a gorgeous blond who weighs about 115 lbs., and one day she told me that she'd gained 5-10 pounds recently and felt "disgusting." She and I are very friendly and have been for years, and I knew in my heart she wasn't judging me as disgusting... but it was still kind of hard to swallow. And my empathy was pretty much non-existent :lol: .

I definitely get how you're feeling great about yourself where you are. I've lost less than 10% of my body weight, and I don't look even a tiny bit different yet, but I feel AWESOME about myself lately :lol: . My clothes fit way better, I'm sticking to my plan and doing something good for myself every single day, and it's making me more confident than I've felt in YEARS. I don't love my body yet, but I love that I'm making positive changes.

It's not to say I think anyone higher in weight than me are any of the words I'd use to describe myself. Being so self conscious about my weight for the past 8 years has made me very appreciative that we all come in different shapes, heights, widths and sizes and they're all beautiful.

I have never been able to apply a healthy and rational way of thinking about my weight so far, and 3FC is such a great support board since theres a real mix of people at different points in their weight loss.

So probably to some people I look slim and like I've got no right to feel bad about my weight, and that way of thinking makes it incredibly difficult to talk about weight worries with people I know in person. I simply get shot down as being 'stupid/oversensitive/obsessive'.

You said what Ive been trying to put into words for 4 months. I honestly stopped reading the boards because of this. I especially couldnt bare looking at the before and after photos because I was totally ecstatic to be where I was only to realize that everyone posting pics started 20 to 50 pounds less than where I was so happy to have gotten so far. I felt SO amazing when I lost the first 40 and then I see people feel disgusting at 20 lbs less than my current weight. Now that Ive lost 73 since October Im starting to read a little more since more people are closer to my current weight. I know that I feel amazing where I am today. Im currently 40 pounds less than what my ideal dream skinny was.

Hmmm, interesting post, NolaCeleste!

I think there are so many factors at play here for those posters, lots of which have already been touched upon. Personally, I'm with Shytowngal - I still feel really big sometimes, and it's only rarely that I can look in the mirror and see that I've lost ANY weight. You read that right - most days I still think I look like I weigh 180 pounds (the weight I maintained the longest). This is changing slowly now, but it certainly contributes to my occasional feelings of "I look so fat/bad/terrible/icky today."

Here's the thing about me that I'm learning through this, though. I've always thought that I had healthy self-esteem, but that was a big ol' lie I told myself. About some things, sure, I can acknowledge my abilities: I'm a good teacher, and have no trouble accepting compliments about that; I'm book smart, and don't mind showing off if I'm watching Jeopardy with friends :); I'm a fair musician, so if someone says they like my voice, great! But don't say I look pretty, or am beautiful. I've NEVER felt pretty or beautiful, in fact I've felt "ugly" most of my life since childhood, so that's not going to automatically change as I become a normal weight.

I'm willing to bet a lot of those posters have similar issues (although not all, of course - sometimes a bad day is just a bad day!). Their weight may affect their feelings, but really they're going to feel bad about themselves no matter what weight they are.

Another observation - sometimes posts like this remind me of those pretty girlfriends we have who insult themselves to get you to compliment them. :) You know what I mean: "Oh, my long, shiny, bouncy, never frizzy hair looks just awful today!" to which we are dutifully supposed to reply, "You look great as always!" That could occasionally be a factor. A little ego stroking is occasionally good, but yuck to getting it that way.

Finally, NolaCeleste, I envy you your confidence! You don't have a single thing to feel bad about, so don't!

I don't think you are oversensitive. But you take it in/react differently than I do.

If the person is seeming down, I try to be supportive. But if the person is chronically down like this... that's deeper than internet people could do for each other. The person needs different kind of level support than I can give.

I also don't have patience for hate talk like "I am disgusting blubber unfit to live!" or something. Never have. I don't see how listening to that toxic talk helps me maintain my own mental health, so I avoid listening to toxic talk, and I avoid getting pulled into it. Bad day is one thing "I feel frumpy today." Serious self esteem/body image problems is another. "I am disgusting blubber unfit to live!"

So I keep my distance when I realize the poster has more baggage than merely a bad day. I just think "Whoa... issues! Got my own baggage, thanks!" and move on. I always hope the person can go find help and eventually some peace. But I don't care to be a part of their process. It wouldn't be healthy for ME.

Great! I'm one sexy honey bunny too! Enjoy it and don't worry about it. You've merely blinded your DH with your astounding loveliness! Keep that inner voice plugged in for sure! :)

I'd just gently suggest unplugging that voice. The "If you think you are awful at X, what does that say about ME at Y?" because that's often one of the slippery slopes to body image bashing. When you start to compare to others and pick at yourself.

Remember when you read these things from other posters. It's not about you. And just because someone has overloaded body image baggage... it doesn't mean YOU have to go pick it up and tote it around.

HTH!
A.

I do not think you are being overly sensitive. You have a right to your feelings just as much as they do. I also don't think that most of the people who post things like that have any intention of making anyone else feel bad and would probably be horrified to know that they had done so. I just try to remember that part when I see those posts. I also don't really respond to them much because I don't know those issues.

You are also not delusional and your hubby is not blind. I know this because I know I'm not delusional and my hubby has better than 20/20 vision, just ask his doc! We are the same height and I'm not that far below you in the weight department, and have been where you are. I have my fat days, most people do. For the most part though, I know that I am hottness and if the world doesn't like it they can kiss my somewhat larger than average, but still hot, butt!

When I weighed 125 lbs and had measurements of 36-26-36..my father had me convinced I was fat.....I had terrible self esteem issues and I truly believed I was disgusting...

Add a little over 100 pounds to that figure and I find myself definitely wanting to lose the weight...but most days I dont have my fathers words in my head telling me how disgusting I am. Two wonderful children who love me no matter what size I am silences the thoughts.

Others words can really distort someones body image. Those people though smaller may genuinely feel that way, it doesn't discount those feelings and I am definitely not trying to discount your feelings of aggravation towards those posters...just trying to give you a different perspective.

Thanks, folks; I appreciate all the different perspectives, and they've certainly helped restore my equilibrium. :)

I hope I didn't come off as a bit of an insensitive boob myself. I spent years weighing 135 pounds in high school and feeling wretched at that weight, so I definitely understand how much of this is our own self-perception and not objective facts about what's a "bad" size and what's not.

It's kind of silly in retrospect, but I wrote this post because there was ONE thread that made me feel snarly, yet I now feel a little sheepish and hope I didn't throw shade on the thinner ladies here. It was never my intent, especially as the thread that triggered my grouchiness wasn't even from someone smaller than me.

I apologize if I was a little bit of a jerk. I'm feeling decidedly less jerky now, especially after this discussion. Y'all know I love ya no matter what our respective sizes are. :D

oh Nola...those frustrated feelings dont make you a jerk...we all have our moments and I love the support found on this site. We all can empathize with each other during this battle with our weights...

lol..that is why I hated living at home with two skinny sisters and mom. I needed to lose like 50lbs at the time, and they didn't need to lose any, yet they would whine about imaginary weight and how fat they felt. I wanted to deck them so many times, it wasn't funny. :mad:
If they thought they were gross and fat, what did they think about me? Funny thing is, when I moved out and later moved to Cali and got married, my body issues slowy started going away. Weird how that works..

A lot of people are much harder on themselves than on other people! In a bad mood I can look in the mirror and say "Ewww" and completely discount the positive. I know women who cry about being fat but they look fine. I think it's a self-esteem thing. Having to be perfect just to be okay.

On the other hand (hate that other hand!) when I was young my sis (who was anorexic for a time) almost opened a vein when she found out we wore the same size jeans! I had lost a ton and wore a size 8, which is tiny for me. She cried and cried. Really hurt my feelings. Twenty years later? She's a size four and knows she's too thin. I was a 22/24 and fit in my 18/20s again and PROUD OF IT!

I often feel the same way, when someone is saying horrible things about themselves at half my size. My first impulse isn't always sympathetic. However, I've had much slimmer friends and even close family who've had a harder time with weight and body issues and self esteem than I have.

Many times over the years, I've wanted my mom to go swimming with me (which I love) and even at more than 150 lbs smaller than I, she just wouldn't do it. She says he just can't do it, but admires my "courage," but the way she says it, I think at least a small part of her is thinking "insanity" when she says courage.

When I think about it, I do feel very sorry (to the point of pity) for smaller women who loathe themselves. I've never deeply loathed myself (I've tried at times with some success, because I knew I was "supposed to" but I never managed to really despise myself like I was taught to do. It just never completely sunk in. I was lucky, even as a small child not to see the point. I didn't see how hating myself was supposed to help).

I remember somewhere around first or second grade having a fat P.E. teacher torment me about my weight (and he'd actually encourage the other kids to tease me). It got to the point I hated to go to school on P.E. days. My mom went to speak to the teacher, and he said he was trying to inspire me to lose weight, by getting me mad enough to fight back, to "show him" by losing weight. Sadly my mom thought it was a pretty good rationale - or at least it was worth a shot (I was already a veteran dieter by then as i was put on my first diet in kindergarten and was a card-carrying member of Weight Watcher's by 8). Even at 7 or 8, I knew that it wasn't an effective strategy - it only made me want to eat more to feel better.




While I can objectively feel sorry for someone who judges themselves far more harshly than I judge myself. I can't hang around and spend a lot of time chatting with those people, because it gets me thinking I should be harsher on myself (and in my experience that's a very dangerous path for me to go down. I cannot hate myself thin. That's never worked. I can only love and pamper myself thinner).

When I joined Weight Watchers in graduate school, I was so relieved to see they had a meeting only for people who at their starting weight had at least 100 lbs to lose. People with less to lose weren't exactly banned from the meeting, but the meeting was definitely geared towards the concerns and issues of people with large amounts to lose. Every once in a while some featherweight would attend the meeting because it was the only meeting that fit in their schedule, one such person came to the meeting and talked about how "lucky" we all were to have so much to lose, because we'd see results sooner, and that there wasn't as much social expectations on us to look our best... I don't remember her whole rant, but she's rather lucky the group didn't lynch her. I (being a graduate student in psychology) recognized her as probably having a personality disorder that prevented her from being sympathetic, she probably always assumes life is harder than everyone else's (only because she can only perceive her feelings).

You don't have to have a personality disorder to understand your own feelings better than someone else's. To some degree we're all hampered by that fact. We can't walk in another person's shoes, only our own.

When I first started losing weight over a year ago, it was because of an issue that was really similar to your current frustrations.

My girlfriend, who had put on weight, had a doctor's appointment. After, she texted me: "OMG, I weigh 180lbs! Its crisis mode!!!"

I thought I was at about 240lbs at the time and all i could think was "I have 60lbs on you and YOU think you're at crisis mode?!". Granted, I was actually at 260lbs and had 80lbs on her.

The thing was, for my girlfriend, this really WAS her crisis. She had never been a size 14 in her life, she had never seen a number higher than 170 on her scale before. She honestly felt just as awful at 180lbs as I did at 260.

I will never know why I didn't have my "crisis" moment at 180lbs or 220lbs or even 240lbs. But for those who manage to connect to the issue before I did, I try and just remember how freaked out my girlfriend was. For her, those extra 25lbs were just as upsetting at the 100lbs I had/have to lose.

As for the sexy, hot thing, I still thought I was hot at 260.....as did my partner.....just as I thought she was sexy at her "crisis" 180lbs. Attractiveness is more than just weight, imo

Hey Nola,

Nothing jerky at all about feeling that way. Nothing at all. It only makes sense to be annoyed and perplexed at how thinner people than us can go on about how "fat" they are.

Just a little observation that has probably already been made here - I think feeling fat and being fat are often quite different things. It really depends on which direction, up or down, on the scale you're going for a given number to have completely different implications. Everyone has fat days, bloated days, off-plan muckup days, even just plain dysmorphic days to speak of, regardless of size.

I do think it's extremely insensitive and downright jerk-y in real-life situations for someone who is much smaller than the person they're with to moan and complain about being "soooooo fat." I remember my freshman roommate throwing a fit about going from a size 0 to a 2 and just feeling like an invisible mound of garbage.

I agree with so many of the posts here!

In a lot of cases, my reaction is also a sort of pity. It makes me really sad that these people are living their lives hidden away because they happen to be fat (or in some cases, barely overweight). When you do that, you're living life on other people's terms - and not only that, but the terms of a vicious societal ideal that is cruel to everyone.

Live life. Enjoy life. Love life. A happy, fulfilled life does not magically appear when you achieve a BMI of 25 or below; if it did, thin people wouldn't have any problems and would all be happy, which is clearly not the case.

I'm gonna have to ditto the people that mentioned how awesome the OP's confidence is though!

The mind is a powerful thing. How a person feels about themselves comes from many factors, upbringing, social setting, self confidence, etc. That is why there are super skinny models who eat nothing and still think they are "fat."

You saying you're hot doesn't make you wrong by any means! It means that other people think you are too, and that you have the confidence in yourself to post it on here and be comfortable in your own skin, something too many people lack.

Kudos!

Yes, that's the kind of thing I mean!

Sure, the size-2 chick's feelings of "crisis mode" are valid for her. I wouldn't ever want to play the "let's compare our pain" game. Someone can feel like crap at a size that's my dream weight and I can totally understand and offer support.

When I get crabby is when it's so overblown that it no longer rings true, when it seems more like fishing or drama than genuine pain. It's like the woman Kaplods was talking about at the WW meeting--there's no way she sincerely felt that women she assumed had lessened societal expectations placed on them were lucky. She was right, but not for why she thought; the other people in that meeting were lucky--they didn't have to turn an entire WW group into a reassurance generator just to feel all right about themselves.

I'm convinced that some people do it strictly to fish for assurances, and I do feel a bit sorry for people who need such assurance on a regular basis. A tiny mean part of me wants to say, "Ahmahgawd, you are SO right, you are such a big ol' house that you should fear a tornado picking you up and dropping you on a witch any day now!" My better nature (such as it is) has so far taken over, fortunately. I would never want to be cruel, but sometimes there's this temptation to teach a lesson that's almost irresistible.

eh my sister is like 130-140 and skinny and is always complaining about being fat, i laugh it off now and tell her she can have some fat :)

I realize people react differently to their weight. Personally it does not upset me, but I do (at times) make judgments in my head.


We all have those moments <3

I LIKE your mean streak, Nola! :dizzy::dizzy::dizzy:

Totally agreed with everything you've said. Social context is everything, and it's very, VERY rare for any situation to deem "histrionic whining" as "acceptable."

you know....saying something snarky and totally off the wall may be what that person needs at that moment...a laugh goes a long way to putting one in a better state of mind...

After reading all of this I'm beginning to feel like I can't express just how sad I may be on any given day, about how I let myelf get like I am - because there may be someone else that has more weight to lose and they will think that I am bashing them :(

The last thing that I would want to do is to make somebody feel worse :(

No, I think there's a big difference between saying "I'm having a fat day" or "I feel fat today" over "I am so huge and disgusting."

It's hard to hear people put themselves down anyway, but to hear someone 100+ pounds lighter than you complain about what a hideous, lazy slug they are is really hard to hear.

I'm always hyper aware of what I'm saying when I complain about feeling fat. There's a big difference between feeling fat at my current size and feeling fat where I started. I'm glad to have had the experience I had so that I may be more sensitive now.

You have every right to express your feelings! They are valid. That's why I wrote what you quoted...
The OP on this thread is processing some feelings, and well... it's valid for her and there it is on her thread. But her thread isn't about YOU. It's about her process. You can write about your process in your thread, and if she reacts... she too can remember "This thread is not about ME. That's this person's process they are trying to work out."

People just have to have safe spaces to let it all hang out, and because it IS a safe space to let it hang out... we can't be getting all caught up in each others hang ups, can we? ;)

A.

There's a big difference between someone who's here for others when they need her (or him, I don't want to leave our roosters out!) and who occasionally needs support in turn and someone whose every utterance is "Oh help me help me, ME ME ME, my life is over because I'm fat and fat people make me throw up in my mouth a little!"

Please don't think for a moment that there isn't a lot of support to be had here from people of all sizes; there is, and I've seen amazing outpourings of support for people here. Really, my post was one vent about one kind of thoughtless neediness, not about the give-and-take that 99.8% of the forum is all about.

Remember the woman in Kaplods' post? If she'd walked into the meeting and participated--even if it was to talk about how she felt down--she probably would've been welcomed, I believe. I suspect it was the "I'm going to come in and make it All. About. Me!" and the judgmental behavior that made her as welcome as a fart in a phone booth.

The root of my post wasn't the "ooh, I feel so fat" talk as much as it was the lack of empathy that I saw in one series of posts (I'm not sure if I recognized that when I first wrote that post.) I mainly wanted to vent and to maybe find a non-confrontational way to encourage people to consider their words--not the emotion behind the words, which anyone should feel free to express here.

I just got a case of crab-*** when I read an older post basically saying, "Geez, how can people stand to go places where people can see them when they're as big and gross as I am?" It just rubbed me the wrong way. Personal pain isn't an excuse to lose all sense of how you sound to other people and insult them so, at least not unless your pain is akin to losing a limb.

Edited to add: Eliana and Astrophe hit two nails squarely on their heads. :) There IS a big difference between "I feel fat" and "fat is disgusting." And yes, I am indeed still working out why that post griped me so much. I certainly don't want to discourage anyone from posting. It's the last thing I would want to do here.

For the record, I love this thread. I think it's a great, respectful discussion that is challenging all of us to think of things from perspectives different from our own. Threads like this are another reason I really love 3FC.

If a poster says she feels like a beached whale and hates being a fat blob at whatever weight. It is NOT about you . These are her feelings, she is entitled to them and that is why she has come to 3fc so she can get help and be rid of her feelings. I didn't feel good about myself, either and it had nothing to do with how anyone else weighed or how they looked.

I agree that she is entitled to her feelings. Never claimed otherwise, and in fact I've tried very hard to make it clear that I never meant people should refrain from posting their true feelings. All of us have felt very ugly things, either about ourselves or about others, weight-related or otherwise, at some point in our lives. It's an invaluable resource to have somewhere fairly nonjudgmental where we can show those feelings. It helps to drag them out in the light, and we all need help at some time.

At what point, though, does needing help excuse expressing oneself in a way that seems almost calculated to make others feel low? Is it okay to come here and say, essentially, "I feel self-loathing because fat people disgust me and I do not want to be one of your hideous kind?" Is it acceptable to ask other people how they muster the courage to leave their homes during broad daylight? Does emotional pain completely preclude being sensitive to the feelings of people who read these posts?

I don't know...I really do thoroughly Get It that this is a safe place to express one's feelings. Lord knows I've done it. But it should be possible for someone to express her feelings completely, honestly, and deeply without asking other people how they dare to show their faces in public. "Wow, you're brave to feel good about yourself when you're such a beast; I know I couldn't!" I mean, that's just a jaw-droppingly rude sentiment however you slice it.

Maybe I should've just posted, "Hey, that's jaw-droppingly rude!" to that thread instead of creating this thread. :?:

:rofl::rofl::rofl: Aaaaahhhahahahahaha! Funny...really funny!:D

Ok...I get what the OP is sayin. "Tact" goes along way. We should ALL learn to use it...especially in "written word" which easily can be taken out of context.

That said, I do also think there's a bit of "hypersensitivity" going on around here at times, but hey..nobody's perfect! Obesity is NOT the only problems people here at 3FC suffer with. There are a GROWING number of "down low" teens with eating disorders on these boards which explain the comments such as the OP mentioned. As adults, we must also learn to use a bit of "discernment" to recognize the immaturity and self-loathing underlying connotations of these type, "fat makes me wanna die" type posts.

In any event...this thread has been a perfect example of exchange of opinions by mature adult individuals. :bravo:

I think that people who write these comments ARE the oversensitive ones. They are the ones creating these negative words and images and attribute these words to themselves. Think of the "half full" or "half empty" glass. You can focus on the negative (self-loathing thoughts) or the positive (I'm still hot and sexy thoughts). The people writing this are not directing their rant to others, but to themselves. I feel bad at the harsh critisism they aim at themselves. I don't take it as critisism to others - I just don't think they can reach past their depression to think of others. It's kind of sad.