I get absolutely no help...NONE!

It is so sad to walk out my door and see houses with beautiful lights! And I hate the lights because they make me sad! They make me sad because I have no time to put the lights up on my own house and I want to so much. They're so pretty and I love my wreaths with red bows.

The inside of my house is a wreck and I'm a neat knick. I hate clutter and Christmas brings worse clutter. I can't stand a decorated house with clutter. It is HALF decorated and has been since Thanksgiving. There are still boxes out!!

And I have to do all the shopping not just for my family but for my mom too. And I have to do all the wrapping and all the planning and all the food prep. Apparently I have to do the grocery shopping too because I sent DH out yesterday and he came back with a QUARTER of what was on the list. "They didn't have white bread."

And the kicker?? He's been flippin' off work for a month!!!

I cried about it last night. Did it do any good?

Sorry! I HATE this. I have had it and I hate depression. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Sorry. Rant over.

As a woman, am I supposed to just suck this up? Are women supposed to hate Christmas but put on a happy face so no one knows? Because I don't notice anyone who hates this holiday, just me. It is no fun and worse it makes me feel horrible because I actually love the holidays, if that makes sense. It's worse because something I know I SHOULD enjoy just plain sucks.

I assure you...you ARE NOT ALONE!

FACT - Suicide rates are at its highest during the holiday season.

The love for fellow man/woman, joy, peace and security seems to be overshadowed by RETAIL and $$$ during this time of year. Being in a depression, this places unnecessary STRESS on many. So please...don't feel alone...you really are not.

I see it all the time...and it is during the holidays that I truly appreciate NOT celebrating them...nor feeling compelled to

Hope you feel better soon.

Just to be clear, it's my husband's depression, not mine. I'm a really upbeat person...can't you tell? (sarcasm) LOL!

Seriously, I am really struggling with him right now.

If it helps, I have boxes of Christmas decorations out too. I also still have a couple of Halloween things up. So, you are definitely not alone.

How about choosing one or two things that are really special for you? Maybe put your wreaths up and then some little lights around one window rather than going for full-house decoration.

(Don't read this Mandalinn) How about refrigerated cookie dough instead of making your own dough for Christmas cut-out cookies? Sometimes the pressure for cooking and homemade comes from us. For example, I made homemade cranberry sauce for Thanksgiving. Who ate it? Well, I had a tablespoon full. The rest was tossed 2 days ago. Lame. No one would have missed it if it wasn't there. I won't be making homemade tamales this year, either. Frozen ones are very good and we get our tamale fix and there you go.

Also, remember that all the planning in the world won't make it perfect. And that's okay, it doesn't have to be a perfect holiday--it just has to be yours.

As for the shopping, ay yi yi. I actually just picked up a whole bunch of interesting Christmas ornaments for most of the people on my list. We'll make some cookies and give them with an ornament and there you go. Done.

Vent away, my friend, vent away. It's not fair that all of the pressure lands on you. So reject most of that pressure and decide what you can and will do and release the rest.

The other thing is that we don't have to do ALL of the traditions every single year. Choose a couple for this year that work and get the next ones done next year.

Hey, quitcher whinin' and get to decorating!

I put candles in my windows and did my tree yesterday.

Get rid of all the crappy clutter in your house - hey, you're doing it for your body, why not your house!

I am with midwife about taking an easy path through the forest. That way, we should miss the pitfalls and tank traps. Cut down on the 'oughts' and 'shoulds' and be kind to yourself. That's the priority, IMHO. Do one or two things which you think are important every day and it will come together. It doesn't all have to be done.

One year, we had a mixed grill for Christmas dinner (this included sausages and burgers which we never have otherwise - plus a pile of veg which we always have). That year was probably one of several when we haven't managed to get it together until the 26th (too much to do on the 25th, you see).

Then there was the year I had a peanut butter sandwich and a long walk. That was good but I was single then.

I also like midwife's idea:

That's a great idea! My uncle is going to get one of these! Possibly also my mum.

We have SO's birthday to deal with on the 27th. I mean, of course, to celebrate.

Eliana - I'm snowed under with work at present (working all weekend) so I'm not sure I've been coherent. It will be OK. And vent away. BTW, my DS was so delighted that you sent him a hug the other day. Imagine, trying to help someone your age the other side of the world and such nice feedback! Hope things are going well with the boys.

I'm Jewish so it's funny that I have a suggestion, but when I get overwhelmed I prioritize and outsource. Can you do your gift shopping online? There are great deals going on all over the place and many offer low cost gift wrapping. Can you use an online grocery delivery service like Peapod?

If people expect you to do it all, maybe try getting some help by doing what you can from your computer. It may not be the traditional way, but it certainly is easier!

Yes! Eliana, I don't think you're alone at all either.

above were my thoughts too.

make a chart (I love charts), of what you want to get who, where you can get it, how much you want to spend (use the www). prioritize on a couple of things that you'd enjoy doing decorations wise. pick a couple of fun things to do and look forward to (a craft fair, movie, lights exhibit, whatever, going ice skating).

I totally get that overwhelming feeling the holidays can bring. it can take a little planning and effort -- and letting go -- to be able to appreciate them better.

The funny thing is I want to convert to Judaism but that's never gonna happen. I have weird beliefs as it is but most fit with Judaism. BUT my family is Christian and I love the lights. Chanukah snuck up on me this year and my boys had to tell me when it started. I've been playing catch up every night since!

Thanks guys! I know I need to let some things go. I think that's part of the problem...I have!! What I have left is stressing me out. I'm trying to get as much done today as possible so I can relax.

Oh and about the clutter...all the clutter I have left is stuff we need/love. I hate clutter and oust it whenever I can. But boys create clutter even in the most clutter free homes, ya know?

You are NOT alone in this! I feel the exact same way, and I'm sure there are thousands of other women like that.

As a woman, there IS a stigma that we should "put on a happy face" especially around this time of year. Does that mean we should perpetuate that stigma? No.

My house is cluttered too. We just don't have space for the stuff we need, let alone the stuff we want. I do purges about once a month, and we still don't have room, despite the fact that I've given away or trashed about 4 or 5 pickup truck fulls of stuff since Spring of this year.

Just do the best you can and remember that you're supposed to enjoy this season too.

I always say I hate christmas but I like the day itself. When all the wrapping and shopping is done.

and it's the longest time possible to the next christmas

I agree, I don't like Christmas much.

Because I routinely ask too much of myself, between work, and the gym, and even "relaxing" past-times, I always feel like trying to find extra time to complete the holiday-related duties is pretty much the straw that breaks the camel's back. If I'm already thinking desperately, "How can I get it all done?" and THEN the holidays pile on social obligations & the need to find time for decorating and for shopping, all I feel is irritation, rather than good cheer and good will toward all. To really feel a glow of well-being, I have to feel relaxed. And I won't till New Year's Day.

My mantra lately has been: "Ask less of yourself." I keep pulling it out on any day when I feel homicidal or when I start thinking three or more handfuls of trail mix is a really good idea.

My favorite holiday, hands down, has become New Year's Eve because there are no expectations and because I celebrate it with my dear brother and his family. There is no pressure whatsoever, just really good food we prepare and plan TOGETHER and we just relax and have fun. No stress.

And just so you guys understand a little of why I'm whining so much these days...

I dragged DH to the store to buy gifts for our boys while they're at the grandparent's. He wanted to take a nap. On the way to the store I had to tell him TWICE that a red light is not a stop sign.

At the store he followed me around like a pouting puppy dog, offering no help, advice, suggestions, nothing.

I unloaded the stuff from the cart onto the belt. I put all the bags back into the cart the cashier handed me. I pulled out the card and paid for it. I then unloaded all the items into the car...and he just stood there.

But he thinks I'm the crazy one.

I'm sorry your DH is dealing with depression right now. That is hard on both of you. Do you think the shopping would have been more enjoyable for you if he would have stayed home and taken his nap?

I'm pondering my own expectations at this time. The only person I can control is me. So, if someone else's behaviors or choices disappoint me, maybe I need to change my own expectations.

Example: When I rant to DH, he tries to solve the problem. I don't want him to solve the problem. I want him to say "Wow, that is terrible. I totally agree with you." But instead he tries to get all logical with me and have me see it from a different perspective. I don't want to be logical and circumspect. I want to be a brat and vent. So I vent and he gets all logical and then I get annoyed because he is not giving me what I need. After 18 years, I finally have learned that if I want to vent and have someone go "Wow, that is terrible, I totally agree with you", I need to choose someone besides DH to vent to. In 18 years, he has not ever made the leap from problem-solving to simply supportive ear. I might wish that he would. I have explained to him what I need over and over again. And it just hasn't evolved that way. So now I try to not put behavior expectations on him that he cannot or will not fulfill and I'm am not disappointed.

Since your DH is depressed, I can see why you might want him to get out of the house instead of take a nap. But I wonder if you would have had more fun with a girlfriend or even shopping alone (alone time---what is that??). So I think that those of us who have so very much on our agendas need to start getting a little selfish and a little practical and think, how can I adjust this situation to make my life better and more satisfying?

Hmmm....I like your thread (even though I am sad you are stressed).