Sounds like too much multitasking to me. Which, believe me, I can relate to.
What I mean is, you had to get the shopping done for the boys, but you were also trying to "treat" your husband's depression.
Looks like you have to choose between focusing on one thing or the other, not both.
Not to mention that the latter is an impossible task. You can't treat his depression. He has to seek treatment. And the insidious thing about depression is that he probably lacks the will to do this.
Based on posts here, sometimes I think we need a dedicated forum here for "Women Who Are Trying to Lose Weight or Maintain & Who Also Have Depressed Significant Others."
Maybe Depressed Significant Others make us focus more on ourselves & our own well-being, and and also seek to change things in ourselves over which we do have control ... in part to set an example to the inert unhappy creatures we cohabit with. ("See, all efforts are not futile, and you really can change your life ... Look, I'm doing it every day, look how all my small daily efforts add up to something big.")
Sometimes I think that, years ago, when I started coming out of my own depression, but didn't quite have the will to completely emerge & change my situation, I worked on my physical fitness in much the way prisoners behind bars tend to do. Because I felt stuck in place in my life, pretty much imprisoned, cultivating my physical strength & appearance was a way to occupy myself & make myself better, for the eventual jail break & escape, for the day when my time was served & my debt was paid. (But I overdid it, years ago, partly because I didn't deal with the depression, just with the food/exercise thing -- but I think the project began with quite virtuous intentions.) Also, I think getting fit taught me things that I applied later when I broadened my focus & began to remake other parts of my life.
But your husband would have to discover this on his own. I don't think your example has transferred over. He sees your road, but he's stuck & can't go anyplace cause the engine just won't turn over.
Yes, my husband's depression is considered "untreatable." We've just finished up what is basically "shock treatment" and it did nothing...except make him confused. This is why he thinks stop lights are stop signs. He has been trying to treat it. He's also tried exercise. Nothing works.
I'm still hopeful about meds because the doctor just listed about 20 he wants to start trying. DH, on the other hand, has lost all hope.
Me? I just want a little help around here and can't afford a maid. I was considering a housekeeper. Treatments have left us broke.
Ouch...no wonder Christmas is stressing you so much. I'm sorry for your husband's depression and hope that the new meds help, and quickly. It's very easy to lose hope and so hard to maintain it when depressed; that's the nature of the beast, unfortunately.
You should really consider getting yourself a treat for Christmas--go ahead and call Merry Maids, have them come in and do a top-to-bottom clean. You don't need to have a maid in regularly; just getting a fresh start for your house and banishing some clutter will make it so much easier to maintain. I know this because I did it and it was THE best hundred bucks or so I ever spent.
Even if the rest of the season's pretty crappy, there's one good thing about Christmas--going for a neighborhood walk with all the lights on everyone's homes is wonderful. Let your family tend to themselves for an hour or so here and there and take some "you time" to see it.
*Big hug* for you, Eliana. That's an awful lot of emotional weight and stress you're carrying around on your shoulders, and I'm sorry to hear DH isn't doing well depression-wise.
I think Nola's suggestion to have a maid come in for one clean is a great idea. One less thing to stress about. And I definitely think spending alone time or girlfriends time is a must-do, even if it's just for an afternoon or something.
I was going to post my own Grinch-ness and disgust with this holiday season, but I won't hijack. Financially we aren't able to "treat" anyone, so our kids are getting very slim pickings this year. Basically, if I didn't give birth to you, you are not getting a gift from us this year. So I feel blah and down and ready for it to be over. Now!
I was going to post my own Grinch-ness and disgust with this holiday season, but I won't hijack. Financially we aren't able to "treat" anyone, so our kids are getting very slim pickings this year. Basically, if I didn't give birth to you, you are not getting a gift from us this year. So I feel blah and down and ready for it to be over. Now!
I hate that aspect of the holiday. We're in the same boat. My husbands treatments have left us dry. I did a lot of our shopping for our kids at the thrift store and the second hand book store and the second hand sports store. They're getting a very nice Christmas on a dime and they won't know the difference.
In the spirit of giving, you have just given me some wonderful advice. Isn't it funny how things don't occur to you? I'm checking out the Rainy Day Pal Bookstore and the Play it Again Sports this weekend. Doh! Thanks!
I love thrift store and $ store shopping...........................it's really amazing the nice things they can have there. I have found brand name clothes, with the tags still on sometimes @ the thrift store and we have a Dollar Tree here that has all kinds of cute little stocking stuffers!
I hatre stepping foot into a mall or a store around this time of the year. It is ridiculous the long lines up especially if you just go in for 1 thing!! 1 THING! I'm kind of alone this holiday, I have my aunt and my cousin out here but I doubt they'll get any turkey or anything for an xmas dinner (because they'll cry broke and expect me to cough out the expense for it...) Which I wouldn't mind as long as my aunt cooked it. I can't cook for the life of me...but for me to have to buy the whole meal is bogus and they don't even appreciate ANYTHING I've done for them...sometimes I wonder if I should just spend it alone...
What I do when I get overwhelmed is leave in the things that really matter TO ME, and cut out everything else. I enjoy baking cookies and making homemade gifts, so I do that. Decorating is less important to me, so we hang a few lights and our stockings and call it a day. I like to send Christmas cards, so I do that, but I don't worry about other stuff. It's really important to my wife to have beautifully wrapped gifts, so I leave that to her.
You have enough going on without putting pressure on yourself to do things that aren't important to you. If you're resenting the holiday and become stressed over things, eliminate them and stick with the parts that matter most to you.
Check out "Unplug the Christmas Machine" from the library.
Sit down to list what you value about your holiday season and traditions, religious observances, etc. What are you top 3 most valued, treasured things?
Then list what you spend time on and how much time.
Then see if the areas you spend time on are matching the priorities.
If they are not syncing up, trim down so that you really are focused on the top 3 things that matter to you. The rest? Learn the word "No" and the word "good enough."
It may sound like all you are doing is saying "No" a lot, but remember that what you are really doing by turning down extra bonus stuff is saying a big "YES! YES YES!" to the top 3 things you love most and clearing the time to be able to do them.
That will make it much more satisfying, and hopefully, more spiritually rewarding as well.
GL!
A.
there are a few things that i think would help. first off- stop thinking in terms of what you have to do, what needs to be done for other people, etc. because when you think like that, you immediately put yourself into the mentality of "why isn't anyone helping me?" and you get mad at them and down on the whole thing.
instead, i recommend you think in terms of what do I want to get done? Make yourself a list, accept that these things are a single person chore, and just get them done.
when i finally let go of the fact that i wasn't going to get any help, instead of feeling overwhelmed, sad, and angry- i got organized and felt accomplished. look at all i can do and i don't need anyone!
i am all about lists. lists lists lists. i have a list of christmas presents i need to get, a list of food i can buy at walmart, a list of fresh stuff i want to get at a better grocery store, i usually chart myself a timeline for cooking christmas dinner, etc. if i have a plan, i can get it all done.
my grandmother had depression like your husband has. they did ETS on her and it did not work. i am not entirely convinced she had a single happy day in her entire life. BUT maybe this is because she is a woman, i don't know, she could still fake it. I don't think it's asking too much for your husband to fake it for you. maybe do some of the chores that are easy and don't take much- like gift wrapping?
and as for the clutter- i think spending a few bucks on some big tubs is a great idea- one for each kid and one for each adult. you can toss your crap from all over the house in there and dump it off in the room. it might not be put away, but it's out of sight from the common area which is good enough.
sometimes it's not about perfection but about what is good enough.
He has been trying to treat it. He's also tried exercise. Nothing works.
